dream report

Hey raymi,

Good work on appearing in my dream last night.

I was at some apartment.

Not your apartment, not mine.

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and you were in the hall yelling,
“hurry up, man!”.

I responded with, “Sorry Lauren”, pronouncing it the way you’ve instructed,
and you smiled and laughed .

sjm

i just spent ten minutes brushing out the rat’s nest of my hair in the shower, i called fil to bring me my brush, and because once upon a time he was a long haired sensitive ponytail guy, he likes to think he is an expert on hair-brushing, he said NOW REMEMBER TO START AT THE BOTTOM as he passed me the brush. that’s fine and all if you have time to kill and want little butterflies to float delicately around you as a pony laps up cartoon water in the forest clearing you stopped at to hum a little song about ribbons and honey, women however, typically do not have the patience for that, i at least do not and i’m used to the pain anyway so i drag that motherfucker from the top of my head, down to the tips and then write fuck yeah! with the piles of hair i ripped out on the shower wall.

next time i will just play dumb so hard that he brushes my hair for me.

tarley enjoys ketchup and maple syrup on his not a breakfast sausage.

sigh, island cottage.

slutty outfit meter is turned to tramp.

i am wearing my wedges right now i dunno why i haven’t put them on all summer long, well, we walk everywhere, but i still walked KMs in them last season. anyway, i’m sorry if you can’t handle that i had miles of leg BEFORE wedges and now i am mt. everest with big period tits oh man i’m so glad i will be without internet in a half hour i’m starting to write like this whimsical slut. oh did i also mention how tanned i am, my legs? if you were looking for your barbie’s tanned legs hi, over here.

before doing it last nite i was like zzz then i whipped off my underwear threw it at the wall then did the gameshow hand model swoop across my tits stomach and vag and fil exploded in laughter what the fuck was that? hey man, sometimes you gotta add some pizazz. then he copied me then i did it again then we were just both lying there air-swooping over our bodies like we were food processors and car buffers then got busy before fil’s boner was completely killed by my stupid jokes.

haha fil came in the door and i was just sat here winking at him like a sleaze he said why are you winking at me? and i just kept winking and he crinkled up his face. we take turns perving each other out, i usually win. calling him lover is the best for ew-reaction.

i don’t have time to listen to any of these right now, but you should it looks hilarious. thanks jamie.

i keep thinking it’s thursday, yesterday felt like friday, cos i knew fil would be coming home early today. we are going up north for the night for a birthday party which will lead to drinking the entire island. i’m going to try and drink as little as possible, being hungover at family events (saturday) is just not the way to do it, little cousins running up to you, uncles you never see all interested in your life and you are like uuuuuuuuuh is someone playing a tambourine inside your head too? being on my period and in nature is just awesome too, there aren’t bears on this island but there are scary wolf dogs.

i read in some cougar magazine years ago that when women menstruate they dress like whores (not exact wording) some hormone makes them think i have to show cleavage and be the hottest most earthy barefoot goddess (barf on that word) ever, and, it’s true, so right now i am tearing apart my wardrobe (in my mind) so when fil gets home i will be a sexy puked up eccentric rainbow then i’ll start crying because no one understands me.

i dreamt someone was harassing me in my comments and they forgot to clear the form so i found their website, oh wait, that happens all the time. anyway, their website sucked and they were ugly.

blog dreams, my favourite, consume my entire life much!?

i like how in my comments my mom said she likes that red shirt painting i did, because i was high as hell when i drew it. yeah mom, just some of the trimmings and trappings you get from reading your daughter’s blog.

i’ve been sort of ignoring you too, did you notice?

she told my dad about my numbness episode and got him going he totally worries about me and so i’ve been deleting all her comments and not replying to emails.

one time at my nana’s i can’t remember what i said but my mom went LORD, TAKE ME NOW in this totally overwhelmed southern belle tone of voice and since then my brother and i have added it to our burn collection, we immitate it every chance we get around her and pretend we are on a fainting couch haha.

ok HERE is what i wrote for laist i was too busy eating and slamming to go back online and link it last nite.

ok here is your update:

my eyes are stinging from onions we are making turkey breast with tomato sauce (blended tomatoes from the not our garden) lots of garlic like ten cloves, green pepper, hot yellow pepper and brown rice.

also, this is how aged i am, my left ass cheeck buttock if you will, is in total agony, i tried to push fil into a wall on the way to the varsity theatre yesterday and used everything except my left leg to shove him and so my body twisted in this stupid way and i had to limp the rest of the way there and now i am hobbling around the condo like a grandma what the fuck me!

full house is on and after we will watch the facts of life and then we will read the bible.

oh fil has decided to do a mystery jerk sauce instead right after i said please don’t make it too hot i don’t want my head to be blown off and have to spend the next six hours trying to eat a 1/2 plate of food because it is the temperature of hell.

oh and the reason you haven’t read my jack kerouac thing yet is because tony had gay orgies all nite last nite and only just woke up then had to do some radio thing, I had it finished HOURS ago and you know i would have posted it here immediately but there’s this fucking exclusivity thing blah bla.

some pathetic dick (whom used a proxy to hide their identity thus totally outing their fat, ugly self) just said i had a gunt, of fucking COURSE i have a gunt right now i’m on my period and i put on tights what are you the smartest person on the internet? from now on, if anyone says anything close to negative about my body, you will be forever banned i’m sick of wasting my precious thinking time picturing fucking up your faces. and, if anyone cares, i have actually lost another five pounds, so die.

here’s a sampling of some of the myspace meassages i have left in fil’s comments.

Jul 12 2007 10:34A

Hey Babie Du you WAnt to have cyber reach me on ..) <3 + Aug 4 2007 7:48A Hey I am writin from not my account wondering iF you lost my email I haven’t heard from you yet I thnik we could have a great time I am in a relaytionship but it is not going verry well so maybe I will look around sum more holla at me when you Get tHe chance XOXO <3 RL. + Aug 14 2007 2:49P Hello Sir(s) I just wanted to share my news exciing news with You I will be in your country for two month cum Saturday the 18 augus so lets make conact I will send you an Email 16 augus and you Can MEet me at Pearsonn INternationmal airport terminal 3 thank you obliged R.L.W oooxxxoox + Aug 16 2007 12:37P I Know I would wright to you august the 16 but I hear news now that my bank accont haz been compromsed SO I was hopeng we coudlreach an agreement npw and you could wire me the money to thius not my account please let me know ASAP as i plan to fly still to be with you lovey You are the ,msot Hottie sexi man <3 xxooxxoo as you can tell i am pretty desperate, do you think fil will wire me the money? hahaha.

yep.

sushi time has new ownership, i don’t know if it is still called sushi time.

the picture of christopher walker is gone, sigh.

the equivalent to the silver sashimi i used to get from sushi time is now the sashimi deluxe, i like it better, not a fan of the outside seared pepper whatever the hell that is fish but, feh, you get 14 pieces and they got rid of that rubber fish and added the butter fish. 14 pieces for 11.99 plus salad rice and soup.

then i dump the soy sauce/wasabi leftover on the rice to try and stretch it out.

i brought fil home 2 shawarmas, then we went to see the bourne ultimatum and it is incredible!

ok that’s enough, louis.

‘diculous.

oh hai.

because nothing makes me want to buy a watch more than ghost rider.