mmm, light cream cheese, garlic bakery loaf, atlantic salmon fillet, bought ANOTHER pack of it after the concerts, ten bucks each. yesterday was expensive!

there’s this blue jay that visits the balcony and yesterday TWO of them were there partying with the popcorn i left out, cid canNOT get over their audacity. ever hear a blue jay bakaw? sounds mental!

look at the total NOT difference in this lighting.

yeah yeah gonna fade to copper, whatevs, the roots NEEDED the colour.

wtf how did that get in there?

this guy was my favourite. he was really excited.

his jaw was a little clenchy.

packed. no way goin’ in there man.

oh hi. once he saw me up there he encroached on my ‘tory. his hair is really something. i bet he does treatments.

nice wig, haha.

then he needed more room to bust one.

+++

Hi,

Callum

which picture is he talking about?

and now i give you the ancient tradition of foot binding, brought to you by BARF CITY!

ok this is so gross i’ll put up a new post asap to shove it down the page more, either i add it to the last post and barf that one up or give it its own little arena.

uh yeah thanks lady, we get it.

wow, congratufuckinglations retard.

uh, thanks, carmen.

dance of the sexless potato sack chicken legs

last nite was a blast!

datarock/bus driver/css (canseidesersexy)

i thought that guy was like a talent scout or something like back in the days of the beatles, fil is like uh all these bands have been discovered already. alright then he is just some 400 pound sitting down guy totally out of his element, believable.

bus driver guy. i know i said all sorts of stupid shit to him there is no need to re-hash it all for you folks, you know exactly how stupid i am already. i’m glad he went inside when he did. note to self, don’t be intellectual, ever again.

i swear i looked tons hotter in this picture when i was wasted and looked at it last nite. oh well. that’s the datarock guy.

went it a leetle bit hard last nite, two double jamieson’s cost as much as an entire bottle of bushmill’s. i wanted to get fucked up cos i really wanted to dance but i was too shy.

oh look, it’s working.

i was the first one up there i invented it.

i must’ve hit that chick in the face with my hair a hundred times. she wanted it.

css chick is so amazing i would have cried if i wasn’t too busy dancing mental.

see!!!!!

datarock were my favourite.

i was even having groupie fantasties, g-rated shit, like they would touch my hair and ask me if i was a groupie and i would say no, i am just beautiful, and then they would chortle and we would be fast friends. it was really strange the power they had over me.

Phil: lots pf good pix eh?
of

me: totally
did u make me look uglier somehow in the pic of me and data guy

Phil: no i didnt modify that one at all

me: hmm
oh well
i am just ugly and haved wicked bad beer goggles

Phil: no no no you are pretty
in that pic too
+++

more erica art:

+++

ever since writing that queef “article” i get gross emails, i use to be all about the gross-factor but now that i am a little old lady sexy talk is akin to barfy talk, look:

subject: pussy farts

hello. i went to your website and i have an opinion on pussy farts. i enjoy them. i love them. i am married but my hubby doesnt’ know how to make my pussy fart. i guess i need to find someone to help me out. btw my email address is ***********@aol.com

ew
and if thats yer email WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE ME FROM IT?

that’s how awesome it is to be the first search item on google for pussy fart.

++

you can see my arm on jim bryson‘s website yes! success!

++

dreams of flying by jan von holleben.

how old am i? on the left.
also, how slutty?

hangin’ tough at meadowvale mall.

it needs to be done, my roots are growing in, my undyed hair is super fine so it looks greasy immediately and like i am going gray and balding even though it’s just an ashy shade of garbage. people voting no, please give a reason WHY thank you.

garden rose – lavender diamond

watch that video it is so pretty the song and you can see the harbourfront pulse front lights installation.

here is a boring exciting convo/fight for you singles to read to bask in the glory what is long-term commitment:

me: why were my sandals on the picture

Phil: i told you they are going to end up in more interesting places if i keep finding them in my high traffic areas
this is just the beginning

me: well if they are HIDDEN ever on bathday just know that you will be coming home to a bonfire of your t-shirts on the balcony
also high-traffic area, MY line
HAHAHAHHAHA
elizabeth

Phil: i understand, but you understand this: it is all your doing and it can be easily avoided by simply placing them somewhere in YOUR area after you finish wearing them instead of right where i place my feet when i jump out of bed
hahaha wtf is that pix from

me: well excuse me boss of the world maybe if i had a proper clothes hutch instead of your side table for my socks and underwear i wouldnt have to hang there while putting on socks
you took up all 6 drawers in yer bureau thing
so yeah be reasonable

Phil: so yeah i understand
just leave them somewhere else
maybe i will try to move some things around and make room for you in a drawer

me: again when i am in a hurry i just flip em off and they hang there BIG DEAL
that would be revolutionary, making space for me in a drawer

Phil: tit for tat

me: what

Phil: i scratch your back you scratch mine

me: omg you are the reason my sandals are everywhere

Phil: just take em off over by your shoe stand thing that i bought for you from ikea

me: no cos i take them off when i put socks on so no dirt or hair get on my delicate feet

Phil: i know just carry them over jeez

me: this cannot be negotiated or compromised

Phil: were you born in a barn

me: no cos then it is what am i going to wear time

Phil: just leaving shit wherever you take it off?

me: near my socks and underwear drawers yes thats where they always are
NO you have more of an area, a better one for geting ready than i do i shouldnt be made to suffer cos of it

Phil: are u seriously saying no you will not stop leaving them there
you refuse
really

me: if i remember i will put them somewhere else i dont see the problem with them being there tho
other than you are the most anal person EVER
anyway this is boring i dont want to talk about it anymore

Phil: done

me: ps if those sandals fell on me in my sleep do you understand the world of pain you’d enter
or you knew
and took the risk

Phil: they wouldnt fall
and relax rambo, they wouldnt have hurt even if they did
and i thought you were finished talking about this

me: if i hit the wall or they could have just fallen on their own
newsflash: things fall
it’s called gravity
anyway im over it im just being silly holy YOU relax

Phil: how am i not relaxed

me: oh jeez
what are you having for lunch napoleon

Phil: i dunno i dunno

i scored a 3 for the most bangable blog babes june list – 3!! LAME! whoever 2 is their blog takes ten years to load and 1 is a married 28 year old with kids and a tiny neck and one of those stupid choker necklaces, barf. anyway there you have it, enjoy the traffic bro, next time use your head.

++

last nite we hung out on gretzky’s patio, every year since last they do an elaborate opening roof patio party thing as you can imagine there were loads of fuckfaces there, but free food, tons of beer tickets and cankles and thunderthighs and club district dudes to make fun of, it was mostly a sausage party, however, with fil and his camera out all the bitches thought he was hired for the nite and kept mugging for him and his camera and a previous stern don’t you dare warning bade him the knowledge to IGNORE these ladies. seriously it almost got violent. one chick waited for me to go get a pastry then went in for the kill and made bullshit chit-chat about cameras, she was standing over my head in her cheesy butterfly print white shirt, i played it cool THEN fil is like do you want to see your picture? WRONG! he said he was being nice i said NO you do NOT be nice to girls who are hitting on you in front of your girlfriend, if that is the case i will go buy a two-thousand dollar camera and walk around douchebag nite clubs and see how much attention i get and i will “be nice” and show dudes all the pictures i take of them. ps. professional photographers do not show their shots.

oh man that bummed me out rotten, anyway, they were also doing free hair makeovers, i didn’t get one but it was funny to see chicks with already straightened hair get their hair re-straightened some more.

i can’t believe i am pre-menstrual already, is it so?

then we walked to embassy in kensington and got plastered some more on the patio this one guy near us got in a fight with his bro something about being owed thousands of dollars and he left with his dog and the other dude screamed out FUCK YOU FUCK OFF cos he was embarrassed in front of their other bros then one of the others couldn’t remember the cut it out thing dave coulier does so i refreshed his memory.

then i got late nite singapore vermicelli from new ho king and it was decided if fil paid we would walk all the way home fine even though a nail busted up through the heel of my boot, i just stretched some leather over it and it was fine. i was only planning to have a couple bites of the vermicelli and fil wasn’t planning on any at all.

we finished it in three minutes.

walked home singing songs and then had a jeff buckley cd clock radio listening party and passed out.

+++

here’s another sketch by erica how cute is she!?

that’s a sneeze glob from saturday, i sneezed and a bullet of phlegm shot out of my mouth and i didn’t know where it went, we were walking down broadview and i thought AWESOME SCORE it hit the pavement and out of my life FOREVER then i went to the bathroom two hours later and found this prize splatter. the pants haven’t been washed yet do you think my boogers will be encrusted permanently?

yeah YEAH i know i’m sexy you don’t have to tell me TWICE.

ps. rage against the machine makes me think of vancouver cos some of their music reminds me of swollen members, hence vancouver, hence the suck connection.