watch canada’s next top model tonite me and fil are on it.

+++

gone pervy

more on fil’s porno flickr of course. mine too i guess.

Ryan: did you blog anything what’s fundamentally revolutionary today or funny?

me: kinda

30 minutes later

Ryan: ok you were right
i check yr blog like every time i check my email these days
your name’s damn well an ad for it

me: yep

Ryan: i liked that face in the crowd bit i think it’s like part of yr job as an ex to make sure they don’t get over you probably a lame ego thing

me: yes totally, i am not friends with so many guys cos of their new girls its insane

Ryan: in a sense you could take that as a compliment

me: and even some of them like me and tolerate me but i sense the resentment and at some point there is always the talk where they tell me their feelings about me

Ryan: in that it sounds like those guys gave you glowing reviews gives the new bitches something to worry about you know?

me: yeah well mostly i treated them like garbage in the end and their peanut minds blocked that bit from their memory
well my thing is all about MOVING ON
not moving back in like other girls i know

Ryan: yeah goodcall

me: i guess having a blog up there for them to obsess over adds to it

Ryan: helps

me: and even dudes i was never intimate with their new ladies dont feel me

Ryan: sometimes i do miss the “friend” part of an ex-girlfriend but it’s worth it sometimes to watch the bridge burn down

me: generally most girls decide to not dig me, it’s been that way my whole life

Ryan: naw that’s just a girl-thing

me: it’s foreign to people, well dudes, like fil, who everyone likes, not to understand he thinks im just making it up

Ryan: girls seem to like you, i had an ex who did

me: yeah well they either hate me or fiercely dig me
which is refreshing

Ryan: fiercely
me: like protective

Ryan: yes well i wouldn’t feel too slighted probably this new girl saw buddy’s eyes light up at your name and then total-defence-warning-signals go off for them and they just wanna keep that slut away whereas if you weren’t anything to care about in the first place then wouldn’t they be like oh hey i’ve heard so much about you

me: yeah well im brazen i guess
i totally busted his heart like three times so i guess she heard all about it

Ryan: i dunno the individual stories but if you can generalise it’s that people take sides, usually their own sides? with you it’s public cause yr blog but i’m small-town so it’s public too, you’re not one of those chicks who kisses one guy and eyes up another are ya? i know lately sometimes i think this girl i’ve been with is just wanting to broadcast it to like well her ex she was with for like 4 years so anyway it’s a turn-on but what i’m saying is i don’t understand women and their motives

me: i am loyal to my bf i do not fuck around

Ryan: sorry i didn’t mean an accusation i just don’t know you is all i just always suspected that like..if a girl says “i have a boyfriend” X amount of times, eventually it means i DON’T have a boyfriend not necessarily you

me: i never ever say bf

Ryan: yr blog should be evidence enough that you’re spoken for and happy that past lives need not haunt anyone

me: right

little children is spectacular. the narration, the story, the imagery and execution, if i had a dick it would be seeping right now. we have avoided renting cheating movies cos we just end up sitting there glaring at each other and accusing each other with our eyes, but i was at the movie store by myself yesterday without fil breathing down my neck to rent some piece of garbage like deja vu so i got what i wanted and i am so glad i did.

our movie projection jealousy is really something else, it’s endearing and cute and sweet, but i think i have created a monster in fil. i cuckoo’d my jealous onto him over two years ago kinda jokily and i’m i dunno more secure now i guess but he is totally two years ago me, adorable. well more like fat me without the fat. am i making sense?

anyway the movie is pretty heart-breaking, every character is flawed you cannot fully like them, there is a gross jerking-off scene too.

the duality between the cop who gets fired and the town pedophile is great and it is sad because the cop only realises his shortcomings too late.

jennifer connolly’s eyes, eyebrows and hair are just mental i cannot believe she is real.

how gay was i for saying execution?

you will want to strangle the fuck out of the one blond busybody park mother and you will need to find yourself a red bathingsuit like kate winslet’s.

+++

look how HUGE my cannons are!

thanks colin!

hi,

congratulations on being the first stranger to post a comment!

you are the winner of a hack caricature of yourself and cat:

here.

if you dont like it – i can take it down. if you do like it – tough beans its never coming down.

sincerely – the captain of a bottled ship,
colin

ps. nice site!

i love it!
LOVE IT
did i tell you i am riane rong‘s old school exchange chum

me: still at work!?

Phil: leaving in a sec

me: i bought my dinner from the organic lesbian restaurant

Phil: nice
does it taste like fish

me: they are filming another american pie around the corner

Phil: or carpet
or box

me: oh its uh boring

Phil: or rug

me: i got u some spring rolls and soup
someone took a bite of one i forget who
oh the film crew is all out there

Phil: oh they must have slipped

me: they went quiet when i walked by

Phil: ok i will leave now

me: then on way back quiet again and one guy went on his walkie HOT GIRL
and alerted all the other guys down the line

Phil: WHAT

me: so i had to walk by them all with sweaty arms
and one goes hey you want to be in the movie
i said

Phil: are u trying to make me angry

me: if i have to audition no way
i said it really snarky
i think they might have recognized me from last summer
walking by all the time
they are all old and ugly
fil u have a hot girlfriend ok
who is finally starting to feel better anout her appearance
hello

Phil: i know i am joking sheesh

me: ok but yes it is funny

Phil: yes

me: like it is 33 out they are all hot and testy and bored
and i made them feel better

Phil: you should get on the movie
in
whatever

me: yeah right they would make me audition

Phil: well you should at least ask

me: i was going to say yoy guys are making ANOTHER straight to dvd?
i wasnt sure if they were serious

Phil: ok well tell me more when i get home

me: anyway ill walk by again sometime theyre gonna be there awhile
thats everything

Phil: see u
ok bye

me: bye
oh some homeless sketch bag said i look fantastic
no amazing
fabulous?
the point is he was on a blanket in front of the futon store

we made a deal that fil would get me a present if i grew out my nails, and i did successfully for 2 months, no biting, i held up MY end, did he? no. and now three of my little dudes have been ripped out. i am tired of repainting them and in general thinking about them and looking at how dirty they get and the shit that gets stuck beneath them the only good thing about them is how amazing a penis looks being held by them what i didn’t say that this place is rated G. anyway, fucking nails, fucking fil!

IF YOU ARE ON YOUR PERIOD DO NOT WATCH THIS! watch it anyway.

6 year old conny sings somewhere over the rainbow

last week’s sandwiches

fil’s shrimp something.

my veggie something with avocado spread awesome.

last nite’s dinner:

shared this.

i think this flavour was invented for gin or vodka so we are saving it.

fil’s turkey meatloaf jail food.

if you can believe it i finally sorted through the box of my shit my dad gave me two months ago, it was like final straw go through it day lest fil come home switch contacts for glasses and turn into MEAN FIL then the nite is fucking RUINED.

i have some stuff i don’t want and won’t sell i mean you can have it i am not paying for shipping well for the one thing i can it is a fake gucci wallet the other is a trinket box i put stickers and nail polish all over when i was cuckoo, i bought it in LA i’ll take pics of them later.

it’s so fucking hot.

i am going for a tan later, my ass crack was peeling for awhile there. i found my elton john cd and best of crazy michael jackson hello itunes.

last nite was sober nite as well as back to back episodes of hell’s kitchen how stressful is that show! and the fat asian crybaby, breaks my HEART! fil got mad at me feeling sad for him.

all my new/old junk spread throughout the condo cid is visitting it all and trying to bury it in the floor holy get a life.

oh wait awesome he just stuffed himself into this tiny plastic papers and pens basket one that would be on a desk in an office, quite shallow, i’ll show you a picture.

there’s all this shit in it too, my highschool diploma and keys and little things i think it will be his new favourite place to party. like time-out land.

GEORGE BUSH GETS HIS WATCH STOLEN.

time to get metaphysical hypothetical!

so at the show last nite as i was staring at the back of this guy’s head i thought was the brother of a dude i used to lay, turns out it wasn’t, but anyway the guy i thought it was used to be my buddy too, ok so, this post is really about facebook. i have been keeping this in for awhile, not really a big deal but seeing the back of this guy’s head kind of put me in a temporary mental rage last nite, over the internet it’s like no biggie cos it’s not real but then once confronted phsyically in the real world it’s i dunno REAL.

ok so what i am talking about is, i used to be tight with these dudes, and now we are not because of their bitches, one day a long time back one said to me in a bathroom dive that she was actually really jealous of me and what was i doing back in town bla blah like out of sight out of mind for her i was too flattered to be pissed off anyway this guy is not allowed to even look at my blog, speak to me, email me, nothing, she checks the history and all that, and now that facebook is in-existence this extends to not being my facebook buddy, i am guessing i was blocked/deleted/banned before even being added as a friend (once that occurs you don’t get to see anything the other party does). i wrote this guy when my dad was almost dying to be like hey, my dad is in rough-shape, do i get a response? no.

so, the point is, i was thinking this guy might be at the show last nite and i was thinking *if* i bumped into him how should i be, casual, aloof? then i decided i would be all fuck you loser you are a loser because you are so retardedly controlled by your psycho girlfriend have a nice life then i remembered this chick has gotten violent before and i figured since i knocked my brother with a lefty i could get a few in on her if need be.

this is what i was thinking at the show last nite.

i am also pissed off cos on facebook all of fil’s childhood lady friends, fingerbanged and/or not fingerbanged in the past are on his buddy list, do i care? no.

oh one more thing it also made me realise that if i ever met one of you comment flamers in real life i would go to jail for busticating your face, don’t worry i planned some non-violent things i could do that would not get me sent to jail.

i would spit in your or my drink and toss it on your head and then if the authorities were notified i would say THIS FUCK HARASSES AND STALKS ME CONTINUOUSLY DAILY ON MY BLOG AND LOOK NOW THEY ARE SHOWING UP IRL. also i am better looking so that is also in my sympathy favour.

you have been warned.

then we saw albert hammond jr. at the opera house very nice.

thanks stephen for the hook-up, sorry we missed the first two songs. burn on us. well, on fil mostly cos i’m awesome.

yesterday was the bloor street festival? i never really understand street festivals unless there are beer gardens and party tables, but when it’s just tent after tent of the same shit i could just walk three feet further into an air-conditioned store to buy, what’s the point? oh look stanley it’s tiki lights YES!!

i totally saw our neighbours (dude who plays terrible acoustic guitar at 2am) eating corn and pretended i didn’t see them, they did the same. fuck those guys. dude lookin’ like a big baby in his sunhat mmnah mnah mnahing on his cob.

then this happened:

this awkward white kid dancing was my favourite part, obvs.

awkward

ninja highschool

cutest family ever and i swear to god i overheard that little girl say this is white people music?

shock and awe. see, buddy behind her can’t even figure it out. anyway, the band is called ninja highschool and they’re pretty funny, fun and good. i was a fan.

then on to lunch.

grilled calamari greek salad for 6.50 and guess what the best part is? NO SALAD! i don’t have time for lettuce.

guess what fil had

first hangover meal of the day, wasn’t feeling that little buddy so i just tossed him casually onto fil’s mac n cheese it was funny cos i am a funny guy.

EW.

oh yeah we were sitting beside this group of the most irritating dinks all wearing the worst shit and talking about tennis and shoes and they all ate hamburgers and once this one guy got a bit of a buzz on he talked all arrogantly and condescendingly to the girls at the table meanwhile he had the thickest most penisest of beards and nerdy mirrored oakley’s and when the waitress came to get their empties as well as a cup from starbuck’s he said starFUCKS three times and then repeated it some more like it was hysterical and original.

they also said 30 is the new 20 a bunch of times uh barf.

i was trying to tune them out as much as possible so there is no picture to share.

this dude was tanning on the hill in christie pitts and decided to unsuccessfully launch his 1.5 litre bottle of water down the hill into a garbage can. winner.

nice tivas. the guy behind him is like what a doof and it made a really loud noise when it missed. how about being pasty white with a huge belly lying in the grass in your shorts hiked to your balls, enough attention for one afternoon?

walk of lame.

anyway, thanks the annex i was trying to figure out a way for you to be more annoying, you win this round but i’ll be back, don’t you worry.

me: what if i get kicked out of the annex

Phil: haha membership REVOKED

me: yeah
and the guy they send to inform me is dressed like a fucking poet
i would just set myself on fire

Phil: yes

me: ill be like lemme just grab my tweed jacket and ill be leaving and hes all uh no, we’ll be keeping that.

Phil: and turn in your birkenstocks at the door please

me: and your wool socks and crocs

Phil: you can keep the tevas – we’re phasing them out

me: oh ok annex poet