white people dreadlocks

dear loser,

allow me to take my frustration of the past week+ out on your fucking “hair” and the bullshit ideals you THINK you subscribe to and the message you are sending out to the world by the atrocity what is the garbage on your head.

this is the message i get from you

I AM A USELESS LAZY WEASEL WITH NO INDEPENDENT THOUGHT WHATSOEVER I SMOKE WEED AND SPEND HOURS IN MY WAYNE’S WORLD TYPE BASEMENT TWISTING AND TUGGING ON MY PUKE ‘LOCKS FOR HOURS ON END LISTENING TO UB40 AND REGGAE TWO-STEP RANTING TO MY FRIEND WHO IS EVEN A BIGGER LOSER THAN I AM (I KNOW, I TOO THOUGHT IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR THERE TO BE SOMEONE EVEN EQUAL TO MYSELF IN LOSERITUDE, BUT YES, MY MIND IS ALSO BLOWN, AS IT IS BLOWN VERY EASILY LIKE WOAH, POP-TARTS IN A BLENDER WITH MILK, THAT JUST CAME TO ME NOW!!)

you know, it’s pretty unmagnificent that your idle hours are devoted to maintaining a bird’s nest, you took perfectly nice hair and RUINED IT, oprah would fucking KILL YOU i am going to write her a letter, oh man, you are entering a world of pain now boy, she said once that she always wished she had white girl hair.

DEAR OPRAH

THERE IS A PROBLEM I FEEL YOU NEED TO ADDRESS ONCE YOU ARE FINISHED WITH THOSE SCHOOL DAUGHTERS YOU KIDNAPPED, ANYWAY, THE PROBLEM IS WHITE PEOPLE AND DREADLOCKS, WHEN I SEE THEM OUT ON THE TOWN WITH THEIR FRUITFUL ARROGANCE LIKE THEY ARE BETTER THAN ME BECAUSE THEY HAVE CHUNKS OF CRAP HANGING OFF THEIR HEADS, WHAT DO I DO? ROCK OR FIST? I CAN’T DECIDE.

THESE TWATS ARE SPOILED IN THE WORST WAY LIKE THEIR PARENTS JUST FUCKING GAVE UP ON THEM, FINE, SPEND ALL MY MONEY AND TURN YOURSELF INTO A TROLL WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

PS. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, IT’S OK WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE WRONG WHEN THEY THINK THAT THEY ARE COOL, I CAN DEAL, BUT WHEN SOMEONE’S PERSONALITY IS DEFINED BY THEIR NASTY HAIR, IT MAKES ME SAD, THEY MAY AS WELL HAVE A SNAKE THAT THEY CARRY AROUND ON THEIR SHOULDERS AND WEAR A SHIRT THAT SAYS I BOUGHT MY PERSONALITY AT THE PET STORE.

DOUBLE PS. I HAVE MENTIONED THE TERM _WHITE GUILT_ BEFORE, DREADLOCKS WILL NOT ERASE YOUR PAMPERED & PRIVILEGED WHITE DEVIL PAST, THEY ONLY MAKE IT THAT MUCH MORE GLARINGLY OBVIOUS YOU STUPID DICK. YOU ARE NOT A RASTA PROPHET, YOU WILL NEVER BE, SO, HAND IN THAT STARBUCK’S APPLICATION.

PLEASE ADVISE,

XO RAYMI

fuck, i wouldn’t even let you go down on me lest you give my inner thighs grease rash and zits, ew.

yes, i am better than you.

with MY free time i BLOG, i entertain people with stories and pictures of my adventures, i do not entertain them with dreadlocks. score 1, raymi.

one more thing, you are trying to portray yourself as this type of person who does not care, who is laidback and breezy, and i call bullshit on that cos HOURS SPENT ON YOUR HAIR = CARING.

Raymi

Maybe you’re more real than some people I really know.

and now lets look at my tits

my dad is doing loads better it is a miracle, last thursday he almost died for fuck sake, but now he is sitting up in bed eating and watching hospital tv and laughing at my stupid stories.

matt took that picture of me.

raymi is busy with stuff in the suburbs but she asked me to post a pic of last night’s funtime with uncle matt.

i thought this pretty much sums it up:

PHOTOSHOP CONTEST!!!

if this one isn’t begging to photoshopped i don’t know what is

lots more here.

some kid blatantly took my picture with his cellphone camera today at union station and i didn’t flip out he acted like he didn’t do it and i as well did. wtf though?

hung with mg today was good distraction ten thousand pictures to come. i was going to visit my dad but he needed some downtime tomorrow will be mostly hospital time.

mg played me his new record, be jealous, and he mariachi’d me and fil eating room service too and i got a video of it.

everytime i speak to my dad or see him he gets weepy and emotional it breaks my fucking heart he is so tender right now i have never seen him so bare bones, well, ha, like me, it is touching and bittersweet, i tend to dwell on little things that make me weep, the same things here and there and then i want to jump through a pane of glass and then another.

Father…ooh…oh…oh…
I see the world, feel the truth
Which way to go, windowsill

Oh, dear dad, can you see me now
I am myself, like you somehow
I’ll wait up in the dark for you to speak to me
I’ll open up…Release me…
Release me (3x)
Ohh…ohh…ohh…ohh…

i’m about to do one of those hair treatment things, hot treatment, my hair should be dry or wet? hurry tell me.

my dad lived in this house ’til he was about thirteen or so.

grandma, great grandma, my dad, me.

nana’s bathroom

bought her that in england, stratford-upon-avon, gave it to my mom first, she passed it along.

hey kid, hope you’re doing okay. Just thinking about you. I check in here just about daily, like tons of others I guess, and wanted to throw a nod, wink and smile your way. I got up early this morning, read for a while, then fell back asleep and had a dream that I met you and Phil. I won’t get into stupid dream details, but we ended up at the Duke boys farm, and Uncle Jesse took me for a ride in the General Lee and we jumped a huge ramp and you said you wished you took a photo for your blog, then we saw a kid fall out a 4th floor window, and Phil pointed back up to the window and said “look, look!” and there were cobras poised to strike on the ledge inside the widow and they were biting the people gathered around the inside of the window. Nice dream eh? Analyze THAT shit! Oh, and Phil looks bigger than for in the pictures. Don’t they say ‘dreams add 20 lbs.’?

-dream police

my brother, the baller

two days ago’s breakfast wish i was eating right now, hadn’t had grease in forever.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

this is how i killed time the first day in the hospital:

eat your heart out Art Vandelay

it makes me feel better to buy useless shit, play with it for a bit then pass it off to my niece. this room we hung in for the first few days it was like a jury room, no windows, whiteboard, anyway, fucking mental you make up all these little things to do that you normally would never get around to giving a fuck about or getting done if not for thousands of minutes of idle waiting time. those straws pissed me off and the box gave you these suggested things to create, a flower, bicycle, YEAH FUCKING RIGHT, you need scissors to cut the straws to correct length to make any of that shit come to seed. i prefer existential laziness.

then i crashed and have been crashing at fil’s mum’s and this is sophie the peanut and she is a wonderful house guarding dog she just lies there happily and you stroke her tummy as you raid the place. sigh.

cougar drawing (note the cougar print dress and slut boots hehe) i did of my mom on the whiteboard, realising more and more how much humour is a necessity, a staple and certainly a blessing, throughout all of this, and in general.

rocky misses my dad HARD. he’s staying at my brother’s for the time being with his cats to hang with though he seems pretty down, you can tell he knows something is up for sure. he is 4 years old now and tinier than one of my brother’s cats that is not even a year old. INSANE.

art piece a friend bought at an auction (estate sale?) marilyn monroe and all the drawings in the surrounding circle are of what she would have looked like if she was still alive/lived longer. have been distracting self left right and centre visitting friends don’t normally see so much who live in town. v. necessary.

dude, you slay.

rocky early morning, hanging out wondering about my dad, waiting for him at my brother’s.

chester, year old, bigger than rocky.

raymi, nothing is more important…

Thanks for making me smile every morning.
-james

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