that’s me and a haggis, that thing is a family heirloom i have been coveting it since i was a wee baron and now it is mine.

that’s my brother and i, i forget where, my nana and papa took us out for the afternoon. i am maybe 2 so my brother is 4 and notice how i am shoving food into my mouth instead of one popcorn at a time that’s cos my brother is very greedy even more than me so i had to take huge handfuls if i wanted to eat as much as him and he wouldn’t let me hold the bag, we wouldn’t even stop fight-eating for one second to have this picture taken in front of that globe and i am also thinking about blogging in this picture.

them’s the business right there fil is officially a gangster. he said he needs to get more shirts with french cuffs now.

i was dreaming that he bought me an ugly jacket it was fuscia orange and black and kind of like a north face style puffy marshmallow and i had to pretend that i liked it cos we were on a train in the 1930s eating chicken in a restaurant and this frat boy was getting wasted with all these families dining around him and i said good for you for getting wasted in front of little kids oh and i bought a pink shirt too and it showed my cleavage we stopped in a tunnel for a long time and it was all dark and we were in the english countryside.

in other news, cid is one of those demons that came from the hole in the backyard in the gate. i love that movie and have seen it 50 times.

his life has gone to shit now cos i put my suitcase on the shelf in the closet where he likes to nap for hours on the towels and i re-organized the bookshelf the one he likes to jump on from the wine fridge to mindfuck me into feeding him so now there is no room to sit, he already tried to knock some shit over but when he landed there was only two inches of space so he had to jump back down LOSER.

i want to “read” this book because i am a prevert.

what does this mean? scroll down the page cntrl f search ‘raymi’

Raymi mieszka w Toronto i lubi pokazywać swoje fotografie. Zwykle nie do końca ubrane. Ma 23 lata, studiuje sztukę, brała środki antydepresyjne, zawsze marzyła, żeby wydać książkę. Mieszka z kotem i swoim chłopakiem Philem. Pisze, co jej ślina na język przyniesie. O tym, co przeczytała, co zobaczyła, gdzie zrobiła zakupy i jaki film obejrzała. A mimo to jest niesamowicie popularna.

me: what does this mean
Phil: looks polish
me: yeah thanks
english please

here are the parts i can make out:

raymi toronto urban 23 antidepressant phil? popular

hmm sounds about right.

Phil: Raymi lives in (to) toronto and it likes to show photos (photographers). Usually < ordinary > not up to the end dress. Has 23 lat < summer > < year >, it studies art, it took center (means) antidepressing, it dreamed always, that (in order to) issue book. It lives with cat and boy Philem. It writes, that its (her) will bring on language ślina. About it, it has read that, it has seen that, where it has made shopping and it has observed that movie. But nevertheless it is incredibly popular.
?

me: EW
why cant guys be normal when girls say the word sausage
i didnt know poland had the internet
ahaahaha

sunday party

i made that for fil‘s stepdad before fil and i started dating so it is older than our relationship. i cheaped out on a good gift and put together that collage and topped it off with a dollarama frame now it is worth $300 i told tod if he is ever short on dough he should sell it on ebay he said no way.

that’s tod what’s up dude. he is the one who found cid in a dumpster at the golf course he use to work at HERO!

that drink is the best and you get to keep the glass but some of it spilled when fil opened it and he had a major meltdown.

sorry buuuut my eyes are beautiful they are aqua grey golden sunsets

i told him to get those sunglasses, me 1; fil 0.

when fil lectures me i mock him and make a naggy retard face and mouth mumble what he is saying at the same time he is saying it and shake my head back and forth (my brother does it to his girlfriend too and my dad use to do it to my mom, it’s genetic) that plus my yenta glasses makes him lose his MIND. *bonus points for triple chin.

checking the side profile lookin good dawg i wish that jacket was a size smaller

fil’s mom as a teenager i think holy babesville she looks like she just came home from babysitting or something.

nap time.

we visitted aimee and dave they have funky shit all over their apartment, aimee is pretty creative.

for anyone who cares i didn’t wear make-up yesterday and i didn’t bathe either i rolled out of bed and went out with all the shit on my face that i fell asleep in i am going to do that more often i call it GARBAGE FACE LOOK.

every time i go into the bathroom at the loose moose that motherfucker is there, you walk in from the right and that dude always trips you out into thinking it’s a burglar rapist cos out of the corner of your eye you see this dark shadowy mass standing dead still and you get scared and you are also kind of drunk so it’s extra creepy. then you go back to fil and pitt and try to explain in english about him and you tell them every time you go there, so that’s like ten times by now at least no wait ten times times 4 bathroom trips each visit.

Nora the piano playing cat

Nora began playing the piano on her own. She plays even when she is alone in the room. She really enjoys playing duets with a student playing on the second piano.

my mom and i on gabbly

today i am emo siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
sigh
sighhhh
so look forward to some gay fucking poetry

here is a conversation fil and i just had if you cannot decipher it then you are beneath a grade 2 reading level:

Phil: brb
Phil: b
me: h
Phil: h
me: h

i am on my period and there are no tampons so i am tping it right now i will have to walk to the drugstore and get tampons and waddle with toilet paper in my pants i am a show on the women’s network right now. something about that W in the corner is a turn-off like oprah told me to watch everything on that channel and then i don’t out of spite.

i watched all of me you and everyone we know last nite in bed while fil was asleep i was pretty wasted so all the sketchiness wasn’t such a big deal like oh yeah that 4 year old is getting kissed romantically on the lips by that cougar, fine.

before that we watched the family stone i LOVE that movie anyway i already saw it, though despite that i still asked fil questions about what was going on and it was his first time seeing it. I AM FUN.

hmm maybe if i sit in the same position all day and i don’t do anything or very little i can slow down my bleeding and then i won’t have to go out and get tampons fil can bring them to me A+ for no effort lauren! ok that’s about 7 hours let the fun begin.

the super’s wife let herself into our unit cos i didn’t make it to the door quickly enough, uh next time you better have a vacuum in your hands lady. she’s sweet cos she remembers cid and says she has a cat that looks like him. fil and i have thought maybe she could feed him if we wanted to go away for a week, i get the feeling though that one of her top 5 jeopardy categories would be snooping so maybe not i mean, i would much prefer a friend snooping through my shit and at least if they came across a dildo it wouldn’t be a huge disgusting mystery or anything. anyway i wanted to sleep in some more but landlady and duder came in to change the fire alarm. this building is really gung-ho when it comes to maintenance and upkeep i think the fire alarms in our townhouse growing up were a thousand years old, anyway it’s nice and all but i don’t need a fucking print-out for everything that goes on in this building, fil likes it though it makes him feel like he is part of a club.

a lady died a month ago who lived here for many years and there was a note taped on every floor and in the elevators about it, i wonder when i die if i live here still what my note will say THAT YOUNG FUCKING WHORE WHO THINKS EVERYONE HATES HER DIED WE DON’T KNOW WHEN THE FUNERAL IS AND WE DON’T CARE GOOD RIDDANCE.

HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY LAUREN AND JAMIE! LAUREN YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THAT DUDE’S LIFE I HOPE HE IS GETTING YOU A PRESENT ON TOP OF PAYING ME FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS TO POST THIS MESSAGE ON MY BLOG. CONGRATS YOU TWO! XO YOURS IN CHRIST RAYMI

so last nite was a gong show as is usual when pitt rolls into town seems like the more i told him to slow down and pace himself the faster he drank it was also nice that he was dressed like a dad. we took him on his first hipster outing to the horseshoe and he was awed, i kept telling him you know this place really isn’t that cool you know i mean the billy talent kid hangs here and with that the billy talent kid walked by haha. i got blogspotted and pitt tried to mooch in off that and then he made the guy talk to tony pierce on the fone. die mannequin was playing, we didn’t go to the back and watch though but that one chick flew by us out the door to the street to play her guitar (cordless) that’s fine and all if you are i dunno iggy pop, but, well, you get the idea. it’s a good picture though. lots of scary ghouls and people who look like guitar hero characters were on the scene, this girl sort of flirted with me with her eyes in the bathroom.

the swedish snake aka sundin

we put pitt in a cab and sent him on his merry way back to mississauga then we went to chino to meet with samirsharpiesandrostefan chino made me and fil pay ten bucks each to get in, ten bucks for one hour til last call? the dude at the door started naming all these djs SO they are worth a ten dollar door cover, he may as well have been telling me the alphabet, i don’t know who these people are more importantly i don’t CARE who these people are, i came to drink and see my friends, play car alarms music go right ahead. next time, we will need the secret password, sandro. samir was in the blues cos he dropped his $800 fone and it is now busted, sharpie was wasterrrs i love wasterrrs sharpie!

that’s pitt talking to JEFF MAREK look notice how he is in love later after that call pitt was all YOU ARE AWESOME RAYMI THANKS FOR HOOKING UP THAT PHONECALL FOR ME THAT WAS LIKE A GIFT YOU GAVE ME THAT’S AMAZING haha.

the guy who blogspotted ME whom pitt made speak to tony pierce while he is talking to tony pierce.

what’s wrong sandro?

i stared at that girl’s ass a lot the part where the thigh turns into ass and i compared myself to her for awhile and then felt psychotically jealous of her, i had a lot of think-time cos everyone was like i’m going to the bathroom i’m going to smoke i’m going to the bar etc and i sat babysitting pints FUN then i guilted/blew up at samir saying WE TOOK A TAXI HERE AND PAID TEN DOLLARS EACH AND WE ARE SITTING BY OURSELVES AT THE FRONT and it worked cos he came to the front then moped about his fone and i made sharpie paranoid about her jacket cos she said it was at the other side of the place all by itself? so she went to go get it and then didn’t get it? that was funny and samir got all anxious and we played the WHERE’S MY WIFE game where he says where’s my wife and i say FLIRTING WITH BOYS and samir’s face contorts with multiple emotions all at once, RAGE DESPERATION CRAZY basically.

pitt is peeing behind that dumpster. oh yeah at the ‘shoe this dude goes up to pitt (pitt is my height 5’8) and this guy is at least 6’6 and he says THE LEAFS SUCK and pitt doesn’t really notice cos he is on the fone with tony so i screamed back at the giant NO THEY DON’T and he goes yeah they do and i say NO, YOUR FACE SUCKS!! and as it came out of my mouth i actually had a gander at his face and i winced cos well, your face sucks was a little too perfect a zinger. anyway it was fine cos he’s a mtl fan and his buddy is leafs fan and they fight about it all the time so he wasn’t going to knuckle sandwich me or anything and once i knew that i turned all tough and put up my fists. i pictured myself jumping on this guy’s back and punching the world and yelling and somehow coming out a winner. fil said nice one after i said your face he thought it was amazing that i said that and i was thinking oh how sweet you are going to get your ass kicked now cos of what i just did but at least you thought it was a nice burn.

nice tweedle dee tweedle dum sweater there, fil.