we hanged with lisa and pauly of queen street man fame last nite at motor city and it was like partying with two snl cast members non-stop hAlarity up until we got into a bar brawl with this stupid bitch who threw our drinks on us (they were mostly empty save for beer swill and my spat up tequila shot) anyway we went out to smoke lisa and i and fil is peeing in an alley somewhere and pauly is guarding our spot and this twat and her twat boyfriend sit down and pauly is like uh my friends are coming back and the girl insisted that we weren’t and so we come back and lisa lips off the girl and she is all EXCUSE ME NO SORRY when her bf is trying to get her to leave and she called lisa a nobody, lisa calls her one back and she says uh i am very much a somebody meanwhile pauly is trying to ease her off the bench and then it just fucking escalates and you know it’s going to end in shambles, this girl’s dude isn’t backing her at all and lisa is making her feel stupid on top of her already being told to leave so she leans into lisa, i put my arm across to block and told her to BE THE “BIGGER” WOMAN and just fucking leave and to get the fuck out of lisa’s face then i repeated the words GET OUT and narrowed my eyes because i am the super hero of the bar and a tough guy and fil is grabbing at my belt to sit down then the girl waits for me to pull back, grabs her own drink and dumps it all over lisa and half of it lands all the fuck over me and everything on our table dumped onto the floor, spilling more shit in our laps as it tumbles down and all the glasses smashed so i get up and shove the girl away really hard, she had the getting-up momentum happening anyway i think she fell but her dude is taking her away and by this time the door guy is all woah woah stop the world bla bla bla they don’t get kicked out but leave anyway, lisa wanted to kill her all nite long after that but couldn’t even remember what she looked like. her bf apologized to all of us and the door guy got us all a round of beers.

fil lectured me a lot i was like THIS IS NEW YORK BROTHER THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

true was with us but had left way before this happened, i wonder how she would have dealt with the situation. i think had i had a better range i would have punched that girl in the face, i would’ve got away with it too. she more than deserved it, lisa was being jokey and she didn’t understand that so she took CAN YOU FUCK OFF the wrong way i guess. in canada can you fuck off is like giving someone a hug, in new york it is fighting words. she responded with the excuse me no you didn’t tone of voice and asked DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO FUCK OFF. her defense to the door guy was THEY ARE ALL DRUNK OUT OF THEIR MINDS meanwhile her dude was like i’m sorry she is disgusting and terrible and drunk sorry.

jamie blogged about what we did before heading into manhattan.

paula abdul waaaasted

the art of seduction. click for the rest.

HOW TO DEAL WITH BLOG FLAMERS:

1. rememeber that they are most certainly ugly, only ugly people have time to berrate and nag at you, blog author whom provides them with FREE and regular entertainment, so don’t forget to remind them that they are ugly, you might want to begin your retort with YOU are UGLY then rip apart their comment and follow it up with reminding them they are ugly. if they are going to take the time to tell a complete stranger “like it is” then you may as well stoop to their level and point out the fact that they are ugly and bitter and hate themselves and are just jeeeealous and old, have no friends or life, style, intrigue, nothing to offer and don’t have a significant other and probably never will and if they by chance DO have one it is likely someone just as shitty as they are who ignores them and so they are taking it all out on some person on the other side of the world who writes on their personal blog what the fuck? FUCK OFF.

2. FLAMERS ARE SITTING DUCKS. they sit there, waiting for you to update and while they are waiting they are reading your blogroll or comments and visitting those blogs as well giving your peeps a piece of their mind. flamers feel like they are helping you and that your blog is a cry for help and only they have the knowledge and ability to fix your life like you fucking asked them to or something. they are unable to recognize that they aren’t wanted OR…

3. they get it into their minds that you will shun them so they do the pre-shunning, you know dudes who think you will dump them eventually so they beat you to it and break up with you first? yeah stupid shit like that except you and the flamer aren’t even dating. they stop by your blog and decide I HATE THIS BLOG typically cos it reeks of superiority and coolitude and they can’t mesh with it so they go to town with giving opinions.

4. a flamer is like that annoying girl who thinks she is in control of her group of friends, gives out psycho-babble “advice” when it wasn’t asked for, and eventually this person is found with having NO FRIENDS so they go to blogs to make up for it and they still feel the need to “give advice” so they seek out blogs of people who might come across as sincere yet vulnerable and they think HEY THIS PERSON IS ASKING FOR MY HELP I MUST HELP THEM. the fact that someone is blogging to begin with is a sign of fearlessness therefore a positive step hence DOESN’T NEED HELP. it’s the people who DON’T blog ie FLAMERS, they are the ones in trouble, doi, they are the ones lashing out anonymously to people who have made themselves visible and available because flamers do not have the courage to make themselves visible hence commenting as ANONYMOUS. they rightly assume that they will be flamed right back if they reveal their identities so they stay hidden. sad, really.

5. they want attention badly and they feel the only attention they can get is negative, by bashing you. you know that “funny” guy whose whole deal is making fun of other people to get a laugh, incapable of making a real joke, this guy is a would-be flamer, everyone hates this guy.

the only way to deal with these fucks is to take away their microphone, block them ban them delete them, i know it is very hard to ignore and not fight back, if you thrive off of arguing like i do, don’t let it carry on forever cos it takes away from your creative energy. would you tolerate this treatment to your face? of course not. would this puny turd have the balls to treat you like this in real life? absofuckinglutely NOT. don’t forget that.

your flamer would never be out at a bar cos they are social cowards, they wait for you to come home and moderate their comments, they wait for you to go out and do the something that they are not doing themselves, they wait for you to blog about it so they can write a bullshit comment about it and take all the focus and attention away, fuck them, seriously. they are the annoying fourth cousin at christmastime who clearly sucks. they are the bitter lady in a cubicle who feels like no one gets her cos there is nothing to get cos all she ever gives is bitterness and it’s the world’s fault not hers. flamers have nothing to offer ever and they feed off of those who DO. if it wasn’t for you they wouldn’t have anything to do or think about so they should be thanking you and not be dicks all the time.

we went out to eat at the bar around the corner and i ordered a vegan salad which consisted of black beans brown rice vegetables tofu w/ tahini sauce it was good but before it came i said to jamie that i wanted to inform the bartender that i was not vegan cos i didn’t want him to think i was annoying, jamie said i don’t have to be a vegan to be annyoing haha thanks jamie that’s not what i meant anyway i almost told him but i didn’t. i also had a stella and i don’t think beer is vegan cos of the yeast it’s alive you know, bacteria, which i think is complete bullshit – nothing is alive unless it fucking has eyes. not like yeast use to live on a farm and herded sheep or something. stupid vegans.

i ordered the salad cos i wanted something healthy and simple that’s all not to feel like i am saving the animal planet yeesh.

cos of the cold we’ve been having internet parties indoors listening to itunes i thought it was funny that the exact same genre/style of music was playing at the bar when we finally went out today, people think their music is distinct and super secret but it so isn’t. PLEASE TURN THIS INTERPOL RECORD UP I HAVE ONLY HEARD IT 4 FUCKING TIMES SINCE YESTERDAY!!!

my mom made her first blog post oh god and so IT BEGINS. it only took all day long to explain how to post. only.

i finally made my mom a blog.

sigh.

everyone who wrote about the new iphone yesterday i’m sorry but you are all nerd loser shy gay fags, i still like you though.

i think it’s a guy-thing to write about technology well not a guy thing more like cop-out, basically you all just had a wet dream in word form and published it for the world to see, everyone knows wet dreams derive from fantasy objects right, an iphone for example, none of you have your hands on one yet, nor will you for a matter of time so don’t force your iwishiwishiwish bullshit on me, do i write about 8 foot long dildos? NO. ha i could have made a 6’3 fil reference here ok i just did.

hey lets blog about something everyone already knows about some more YAY SUPER FUN!!!1 OJ SIMPSON WHEEE ROSIE O’DONNEL DONALD TRUMP BARBARA WALTERS BRITNEY”S VAG OMG INSIGHTFUL TELL ME MORE!

i think maybe i am bitter and jealous cos i will probably never convert to apple products so i am retarded in that area and i feel left out so i am pre-shunning it though if fil gets one i can just hi-jack it.

another thing is if you go out somewhere isn’t the point of that to be NOT watching television, did you not remove yourself from home to like LIVE and enjoy life? i get it if you are at a department store and you are waiting for your old lady to try on clothes and you can watch half an episode of frasier or something but…

ok i’m being archaic.

deb’s other cat hadji’s remains are in that tin

my stomache was fucked all day yesterday and now it is better thankfully, eating a bag of chips for breakfast with jamie i’m sure didn’t help matters either, i bought some advil gel caps and then once i read the CAN CAUSE STOMACHE BLEEDING (if you drink 3 or more alcoholic beverages a day while using the product) warning all day long i had decided that my stomache was bleeding and that’s why i was in pain.

i don’t think my stomache is bleeding anymore i think it’s just a menstrual cramps, travelling stress combo and then being stressed about my stomache potentially bleeding and picturing it bleeding all day long, eh.

i haven’t been peeing blood or anything so it’s not my kidneys or a bladder thing ok enough enough sorry i solved the case it is simply stress i will let it go now.

jamie and i are reading all of my movie reviews right now because it is important.

dear everyone who told me dry food helps with animal’s teeths THANK YOU I WAS TOTALLY UNAWARE OF THIS BEFORE YOU INFORMED ME OF THAT PAINFULLY OBVIOUS FACT YOU ARE SMART AND I AM STUPID THANK YOU FOR CARING SO MUCH.

i sat beside a black whoopi goldberg looking lady with a fat dreadlock ponytail and she was reading a book called RACE i looked over her shoulder and saw the words BLACKS AND LATINOS and some other junk. i thought it was funny.

we went to jamie‘s bike shop he had to drop off a check, i changed my socks and then there was a fire outside on the sidewalk and the owner put it out, it was exciting.

question do loaded baked potato flavour pringles exist in canada?

here is my quote of the century re: my blog’s font size

i considered changing it to smaller then i thought fuck that and fuck everyone who reads my fucking blog.

except you guys, of course.