i have the absolute fucking worst gaydar ever cos i am too busy thinking he so wants me meanwhile dude is fully jocking fil. dear gay guys if i chat you up at a bar cos you are alone and i am being nice do not talk to me to get to fil that is irritating, talk to me to TALK TO ME go the extra step and say RAYMI I AM GAY BUT I LIKE HEARING YOU TELL ME ABOUT MAINE AND COPYWRITING EVEN THO I HAVE A THROBBING MOUNTAIN IN MY PANTS FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW I WILL NOT LET THAT GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR FABULOUS STORY-TELLING.

anyway i am still not sure if dude from last nite was gay or not and it doesn’t even matter but i want to know i’m pretty sure the bartender is but still not sure i am always the last to know and it makes me feel really dumb like that simpson’s episode with that gay dude and everyone knows except homer, that’s me ALL THE TIME.

dear mom and dad do i have fetal alcohol syndrome, don’t lie to me tell me the truth, i will not be upset.

love raymi.

there was this raging drunk cougar at the bar when we showed up and fil sat beside her and me on the other side of him and she was so plastered i was wearing the invisible cloak from harry potter in her mind cos she was flirting with fil and asking about the leafs and even said CUJO come on that’s like referencing back to the future you are so desperate go back to talking to your bald friend with glasses please and THEN this 5440 song comes on and she is insistent that it is a U2/green day song, um what?

everyone at the bar was like shut up it’s 5440 and then she even walked behind the bar to accost the bartender into telling her she is right despite being VERY wrong and he’s trying to do his thing and she’s all bla bla GREEN DAY and i was delighted by this cos i could see her full outfit and figure and judge her accordingly, her pants were ill-fitting and the opposite of trendy, just saying, if you have the drunken nerve to speak to a dashing bloke at a bar make sure he is at least in your league next time be smart and go for attainable goals.

yes i am being mean but this is what you get when you hit on my boyfriend it is like you just handed me a fancy embossed invitation to carve you the fuck right up.

this has happened to me several times before, fil and i will be out at a party, wherever, and girls will chat him up right in front of me like i am not even there, they are either totally retarded and in denial of the possibility that i might be his girlfriend OR they are ballsy sluts who think they stand a chance and they ALWAYS do the DON’T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE line!?!

jesus fuck at least the dudes who chat me up in front of fil can act normal or wait until they know if you are single or not to go in for the kill, girls are just blatant desperate sluts who don’t care either way, how embarrassing, and so once they prattle on for five minutes fil puts his arm on my shoulder and their face just deflates HI RETARDS THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SINGLE.

CAPTAIN PLANET