look how big my eyeball is you can put a campsite on it

i couldn’t sleep very well last nite so naturally i get to thinking about how amazing my blog is and how i should write a top ten reasons list why i am better than other blogs and how essentially unnecessary that would be cos like, come on, duh.

but fil‘s breathing was too loud for me to come up with anything other than i draw pictures of celebrities and make their faces busted-looking and i am very mean and funny and have long hair etc this is not new information, anyway, fil’s breathing was like A-BWAHAHAH A-BWAAAAAAH and then his lips would stick together and make a popping sound everytime he exhaled so i had to build a pillow-wall barrier to bounce his breathing over to the window and it sort of worked until i got to thinking (no lie) ABOUT THE BOOGIEMAN!!!

after 2 in the morning when you think about short leprechaun monsters with oily drippy faces you canNOT stop until you fall asleep so i had to take down my pillow wall and lean it against my back so the boogieman/men couldn’t get at me (stop laughing i hope this happens to you tonite ok no i don’t it’s very scary) but then there was still the predicament of fil’s LOUD BREATHING 2006 OLYMPICS to deal with so i took the pillow and put it between us and was careful not to have any part of my body hanging over ther bed, toes, ass and what-not cos the rule is that no boogieman or men are allowed to fuck with you if your entire person is on the bed and this rule came to pass one summer long ago in the 80s when it was too hot to hide under a blanket, or sheet, for that matter.

so a half hour goes by and i’m confident the boogieman has fucked off but THEN i noticed a light similar to a flashlight beam up in the vent in the hall that you can see a quarter of when lying on your back in bed and then the entire fucking plot of sliver played over and over in my head and i made a note to be afraid of this vent FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE THANK YOU WILLIAM BALDWIN i can’t wait for my next anxiety attack in-where the focal point will be this ceiling vent and all the terrorists living inside of it YES.