ok this is what i said to this guy and his girlfriend i forget the names of at the midtown on saturday, you can decide whether it is clever or funny or poetic or visionary probably at least 2 out of 4 of those things and i was wearing the above pictured hat for added ambiance, i like to create atmosphere, there’s so much bullshit in the world why not give people a vacation from it by wearing a knitted beret with snowflake designs?

anyway, the back room of the midtown sharpie had reserved for her joint party with angie, and, i hadn’t been there for awhile and rarely ever hung out in the back area, well only to electric drunk slide across the floor to dazzle and distract from my coasting out the back door to smoke a cigarette, so yeah i totally spaced on it turning into douchebag 2006 dance yuppie party when did that even happen? the day after i was there last? probably. HEY COOL PEOPLE ARE GONE NOW WE CAN DANCE IN DOCKERS AND UNBUTTON OUR BUTTON SHIRTS BY ONE BUTTON YES PAAAAARTY. ok so i say to this guy and his girlfriend, first i feel them out before i start playa-hatin’ the midtown maybe they frequent the place, mayhaps they work there? so i says, i says, DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN? i am told no. then i go more or less OH I AM GUESSING THIS IS THE NEW DOUCHEBAG DANCE PARTY SPOT YOU KNOW REGARDLESS OF THIS ROOM BEING RESERVED FOR A PRIVATE PARTY THESE PEOPLE INSIST ON COMING OUT ANYWAY AND DANCING ALL OVER THE PLACE, LIKE I AM NOT HAVING MY SATURDAY NITE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME I OWN THE MIDTOWN. this isn’t the funny part yet by the way.

i get some chuckles and agreement and then the guy starts telling me about some place in kensington market, some coffeeplace that all of a sudden got took over by all of toronto and it was his spot you know, sucks, and he says there’s another one like it but it’s crappier cos they have plates and are fancified or whatever and then i say YEAH FUCK THAT WHEN I GO SOMEWHERE I WANT TO BE DISRESPECTED, I WANT TO FEEL INADEQUATE AND INSECURE. that was the funny thing i said. and he laughed.

and then for the rest of the nite the shittier i got the more i tried to explain what i said to everyone else and got talked over, ignored, subject-changed ALL NITE LONG.

oh and fil was hit on by this cougar chick and i was sitting right beside him, it happens A LOT and i sit there letting her dig her grave or talk all her come-ons out of her system and THEN i put my arm around his shoulder and say I AM JUST PRETENDING TO SAY SOMETHING IN YOUR EAR SO THIS HAG GOES AWAY and then the lady’s face goes all sad and she goes away like she just wasted five minutes barking up the wrong tree.

it’s fil’s fault too though, he is really charming and nice and accomodating and gets stuck talking to people or making desperate lonelies by mistake think he is interested or they have a chance, he totally needs to be schooled on the rules cos i’m tired of whispering in his ear YOU KNOW I AM GOING TO KILL HER IN THREE SECONDS RIGHT?

it’s funny how guys act all dumb or claim to be like oh she was just talking to me like i am a big retard um, newsflash, i am a chick i KNOW what flirting and desperation looks like i use to look like that, genius, nice try.