What Famous Leader Are You?

GUESS WHAT EVERYONE? IT’S TIME FOR A MOVIE REVIEW AND I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT A MOVIE I SAW THREE YEARS AGO THAT WAS ON SUPERSTATION JUST LAST NITE I’M TALKING PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN DEAD MAN’S CHEST!

ok three seconds after the movie started this dude runs up the stairs and sits beside me across the aisle and i think oh cool it’s a dude who works here and is sneaking in but no turns out he has tourette’s and sneezes for thirty minutes straight, the type of sneezing cats do that’s like snorting and sounds like they’re about to shoot snotrockets anyway we moved to the other side of the theatre.

oh i forgot we each had three pints and a shot before the movie so now you have an idea of where my headspace was at which was TOTAL FUCKING CONFUSION piled onto MORE CONFUSION Wooooooooooooooooooooh PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!waoirh0ewhfe

anyway, keira has the worst fake tan ever i mean the make-up people were about as skilled as i am when it came to slapping that crap on her face WHICH IS CERTAINLY NOT SAYING A LOT and also her tan appears out of nowhere 3/4 of the way through the movie which = funny, for me at least or not i forget. uh that skinny orlando guy that everyone thinks is hot but really isn’t on account of his rat tail hair, right so he sees keira making out with jack sparrow and ps kiera is his fiancee and pps HE DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT!! NOTHING! doesn’t ask her hey so i noticed you mouth-fucking that guy who is pretty much my pirate mentor you know just wondering what’s up?

doesn’t at all flip out and slap her or have a hissy jealous fit nothing nothing nothing. the first thing i said to fil when we got out of there was I DON’T CARE IF THE WORLD IS EXPLODING AND WE HAVE THREE SECONDS TO GET OFF BEFORE WE EXPLODE TOO, IF I SAW YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN LUSTFULLY THERE IS NO WAY IN FUCK I WOULD WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE WORLD EXPLODED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT I WOULD HOLD UP EVERYONE ON OUR ROCKETSHIP UNTIL YOU BEGGED FOR MY FORGIVENESS AND MADE AT LEAST TEN PLAUSIBLE REASONS/EXCUSES AS TO WHY I SAW WHAT I SAW.

but that’s just me.

total hard-on for the voodoo priestess with the shit in her teeth and that jamaican akciant i did.

worth seeing bla bla etc etc

the passion of the hairplugs

so deep.

dear world fil came home early from work. he texted me to take the towels down cos we aren’t highschool rebels and i got MAD and then worried he would get in a motorcycle accident on the way home so on the days he rides his bike i try and be nicer like he can do all these things to piss me off and i let it slide until he gets home safely and then my hair gets scraggily and i set on fire and talk like satan but i can’t talk now cos full house is on bye.

two days ago i made a conspiracy theory video of me getting my laundry from the washer downstairs i just KNOW people are fucking with my shit. the super’s wife hates me and hates fil too cos he wore rollerblades in the building and she yelled at him down the hall how he can’t wear them indoors and we didn’t respond and she said OK!? and fil said yes i hear you and then immediately went down to the car and got out the lease and read all the rules and nowhere does it state that you can’t wear rollerblades.

i always dress like a slutty mess when i get the mail and laundry in the hopes she’ll say something to me but i haven’t bumped into her in awhile. do you think i am secretly in love with her or something?

anyway, i have towels drying on the railing right now and we aren’t allowed to have anything hanging out on the balcony so we will probably be evicted because of my towels sorry fil but i am not paying 25 cents to dry four towels that are 3/4 dry already and the only reason they aren’t dry is cos of the power shut-off COINCIDENTALLY the same day my washer was turned off halfway thru its cycle because it was “unbalanced”.

there’s definitely a pretty decent crime novel in the makings here.

woah some chick just buzzed our bell and i almost yelled IF IT’S ABOUT THE TOWELS I AM TAKING THEM DOWN RIGHT NOW.

she was canvasing something or other though and i brought a book when i answered and acted like i was in the middle of curing cancer fuck off.

look i made noel.

the next dingleberry who takes what i say seriously when i am clearly making a joke is banished.

do you really think i think stupid girls are hot? can you picture me listening to a stupid girl for more than 1 minute without blasting and correcting her then going home to write on my fuckin blog about it?

anyway here is an email:

Sorry

a

ungh ok kudos for writing me and feeling remorse however 1. an editor would fully fucking destroy my blog and make it crappy, we would argue over the spelling of cause/cos/’cos for a fucking hour – not fun. 2. who the fuck says “talk snap” ? are you 17? you apologize for it but you’re going to come back anyway to maybe talk more SNAP despite disagreeing with what i say and me requiring an editor, why bother? you just can’t stay the fuck away from this unedited disagreeable blog? i’m not attacking you i’m just curious and want to know why you and many others claim to hate me so much but they can’t look away. 3. fanboy/girl like you? what the hell does that even mean? a) i am NOT a fan of anything b) i am nothing like you c) that email you sent was bullshit and really didn’t say much of anything