ok so at one in the morning we decided HEY LETS GO TO THE PARK so we did and i had to show fil by memory all the fucked up exercises that guy does every morning at like 7am like crazy crunches and running backwards all over the place and chinups when he is a hundred feet off the ground anyway we go on the swings and we are waaaaaaasted and i start throwing myself off them to see how much air and distance i can get and fil says IF YOU BREAK YOUR ANKLE I WILL DRIVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL BUT I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU and i said yeah whatever JUMP WHEEEEEEEE and so fil tried to beat my line in the sand and he did of course but then the more beer i drank the further i flew off the swing cos beer = courage so it was like my tenth jump and i am making my mark and behind me i hear these jangly chain clanking noises so i turn and see fil with his legs in the air and one of his arms caught in the chain and he’s jumping off but he forgot to let go of the swing BAHAHAAAA and he lands in this retarded mess of himself with his face in his armpit and his elbow in his ass and he’s on his side right under the swing and it’s still swinging mighty hard and he has to duck so it won’t slam him in the forehead ducking four times til i get over to him to stop the swing.
so after making sure he didn’t bust any bones out came the HAHAHAs and the YOU LOSERs etc etc and today he has a massive under the skin blood rash bruise.
i told him not everyone can live up to my awesome and that it was ok.
sigh.
ok fil is getting mad he claims that he wasn’t holding on still but i say well with my own eyes your arm was still attached to the swing so this indicates that you did not get it out of there in time so i can only assume there was some lagtime going on in the letting-go-of-the-chain department anyway i’m not the one with the subcutaneous hemorrhage on my right arm, just saying.
i like it when someone is over at your place and they find a little nail or screw or something sharp on the floor or in the grass in your backyard and they are like
STOP THE WORLD BECAUSE _LOOK_WHAT_I_JUST_FOUND!!!
LUCKY FOR YOU ALL I WAS HERE TO FIND IT.
like thanks jackass for saving my entire family’s life wow what are the odds that you found that really small thing i mean it’s a wonder my little baby didn’t swallow it already my my i fucking owe you HUGE i mean HUUUUUGE!
and everyone does it, i sure as hell do it i’m like oh MY g o d sally LOOK I FOUND A RAZER BLADE can you BELIEVE it? well here you go put that in a nice safe place away from me i cannot believe it and i almost stepped on it boy wouldn’t YOUR face be red had i stepped on that randomly placed razer blade wow.
and so on.
next time this happens i am going to make a huge fuss over the person who found the tiny sharp thing and clap them on the back for a solid ten minutes and gush over how heroic they are until they are shamed into leaving or blowing up at me.
yesterday i rented dave chappelle’s lost episodes and well feh the more i drank the funnier they got to be. also rented wonder showzen finally and i have it for a week so if you are wanting to see it please email me and we can watch it together and pretend not to be uncomfortable. i am going swimming today because i am training for the olympics i mean it i am giving up smoking and alcohol and over-eating for real
kali came up with a book tour idea for my book which i wrote a hundred years ago which i mentioned once before but didn’t again because as far as i knew there was no progress therefore nothing to bring up until a review had already been written, the purpose of the “tour” was to send my book around via mail and different people would review it and blog about it 1. this was not my idea though i thought cool and would support the idea and thank people once they emailed me the review 2. NO ONE EMAILED ME A REVIEW TO DATE 3. therefore no email of thanks went out.
simple right? apparently not.
as per request here is all the attention this fabulous book tour deserves:
My name is Michele and I write at fasterthantheworld.com along with the turtle.
A few weeks ago, Kali was promoting your book on her site. We both took an interest in it and thought we would help promote it. Turtle came up with the idea of a “book tour” where Kali would mail the book to him, and then it would get mailed around to other bloggers who would all review it and promote it on their blogs.
You made a passing reference to it one blog post a while back.
You would think that when someone – especially a total stranger – takes the time to help you out in this way, to go out of their way to do something for your benefit, you would acknowledge it, to say the least. The fact that you just blew it off and never really mentioned it again makes me think twice about participating in this book tour.
Turtle has already read the book and it is on its way to me. I am supposed to mail it to Cullen after that. You are getting free publicity for your book. Be a bit grateful about it. You have no problem begging people for money to buy you a camera, yet you seem to have a problem being thankful for people who are, just out of a sense of helping a fellow blogger out, going out of their way to do something for you.
It’s not so much about the ackknowledgment of this “book tour,” as it a matter of simple respect. A simple email saying thank you or showing some kind of appreciation for the effort would have been nice.
We are still going to do the reviews and pass the book along because it’s what we said we would do. But your lack of respect has certainly had an affect on our interest in your words.
first of all i never asked for this book tour thing but i certainly thought it a cool concept
i was waiting for the actual reviews to be written to link to before talking about it again otherwise it’s just me going bla bla book reviews/tour etc etc, really no point until i have something to back it up with right? so i linked to kali’s first.
i am also aware that you knew nothing of me or my blog before kali brought me up so i get where yer coming from as in feeling rubbed the wrong way by my camera money “begging” and frankly that has absolutely nothing to do with my fucking book or the “tour” so you can pretty much shut up about it. i don’t know why you feel like i should be insanely greatful about you going out of your way to read my book again i don’t know you nor did i force reading my book upon you – kali brought this up mentioned a turtle i was like ok cool and i said nearing the end i would sign it and mail it back to kali with the intention of something else as a thank you i don’t know why you are feeling so self-important about any of this to begin with it’s pretty embarrassing to be honest. i don’t know cullen and i didn’t ask for free publicity so this emai lyou send is pretty laughable. are you like huge internet deals?
anyhow i’m an artist a lazy one at that and in summation i don’t need some stranger giving me handholding instructions about hyping up a book tour on my blog are you on your period?
how am i suppose to know to email you by the way, when i don’t have your email address i don’t know who you are or your site am i suppose to blindly punch some letters into the email box and hope it gets to someone who is going out of their way to read my book?
give it a shit review whatever man don’t come at me out of nowhere expecting ass-kissary i mean despite all this who knows maybe we’d get along…
xoxo get over it raymi
Raymi,
I don’t think you quite got what I was saying, but that doesn’t matter now.
Fact of the matter is, I am not looking for “ass kissery” of any kind. I was just going on what I would do in this circumstance, if someone was going out of their way to promote something I did. I would start by saying thank you and appearing to be grateful about it. But that’s just me. I try to be gracious to people who do things for me.
Maybe I understood this whole thing wrong, but I assumed that in writing a book, you would like to get people to buy it. We were willing to give you some free publicity in that respect. We don’t know you, hardly ever read your site, but you are a friend of Kali’s and we figured we would do something cool and help you publicize your book.
Sometimes you need to think beyond yourself, hon. You call me self important but I think you are pointing the finger in the wrong direction there. I was willing to do this for you, a person I don’t even know. I email you saying, hey an acknowledgment of this would go a long way, and you shoot me back with an almost incoherent diatribe telling me to shut up. You think I am looking for a link on your blog? Not quite. I was just trying to tell you that when people do things for you, it’s nice to own up to it. Basic rule of life. This wasn’t about me because I didn’t come up with the idea. I thought turtle came up with a great idea and I was a little put off when you didn’t think enough about it to even give him notice. That’s why I emailed you.
How were you supposed to know how to email turtle? His site and email address are in Kali’s comments on the post where the idea was made. A little thinking goes a long way. You probably could have figured that out if you cared at all.
Give a shit review? At this point we probably won’t give any. I don’t have time to waste on someone so self involved they don’t even know when to appreciate an effort made on their behalf.
MY RESPONSE PT. II
your condescending tone is irritating
you blew this entire thing out of proportion
zero people have emailed me complaining about a lack of attention before you
if you had to think twice about participating in this book tour then that’s yer answer right there – don’t bother
you come across very bitter as if i was purposely not acknowledging this thing again once something is written then it is acknowledged, simple as that
you say this isn’t about you but you took it upon yourself to write me on behalf of this cullen guy who i don’t know anything about and have never heard of before why don’t you just relax
and thank you for telling me what you would do in this situation how nice
of course i’m self involved do you think i walk around thinking about everyone who isn’t me? basically when there is something to acknowledge, it gets acknowledged, if i was emailed the review i would read it immediately email back a gratious thank you then link it and have discussion of it on my blog as usual however THERE WAS NO REVIEW THEREFORE NOTHING TO ACKNOWLEDGE why would i thank someone for something before it happens?
like thanks for reading my 91 page book i’m sorry if it inconvenienced you in any way here is a fruit basket?
get the fuck over this it’s not like you were going to build me a house and i was just like whatever put the porch over there yawn.
remember how i use to do posts with 40 pictures in them all put together like a reel and notice how i don’t anymore? my camera is fucking busticated and no one cares NO ONE CARES so can you help me get one like pool your mcdonald’s wages together or something and get me a nice new camera that would be nice and you can fight over my old one which really isn’t busted its battery is fried only and there’s a speckle on the lense anyway that i always had to try and cover up by fucking with the picture’s brightness and whatnot anyway it would be nice not to have to spend hundreds of dollars on a new camera to take pictures of garbage and slutty drunks for my blog that you all read for free all the time and you can pretty much write the rest of this post yourselves bye.
ps cid likes the boogie monster song by gnarls barkley everytme it is on he comes over and starts humping my head and purrs a lot and has to make out with the universe which is everything attached to my face and he desperately wants to get inside my ribcage cos the love is just too intense for this world.
