i think i found my next job.
Monthly Archives: August 2006
who wore it better?
oh yeah when we went to the blue jays game last week this dude wearing a yamaka goes up to fil and says EXCUSE ME ARE YOU JEWISH? and fil says no and the guy goes OH OK SORRY THEN and walks away.
he said sorry as if it was fil’s fault for not being jewish and i of course didn’t have the decency to wait three seconds before i busted up laughing.
he had a little table of pamphlets and little boys with him.
i just went to put some clothes in the washer and this turd is like HELLO and i’m like hi and he’s like WELL THERE YOU GO THERE’S ONE WASHER FOR YOU and i’m like oh you took three and i get one? and he goes YES SORRY I PUT MY CLOTHES IN THEM ALREADY and i look and he has like four pairs of shorts in one and like a few towels in another and like a few t-shirts SPREAD OUT OVER THREE MACHINES and i have a massive load and he couldn’t even give me one! so i made a big production of putting the clothes in all slow and shit and he’s standing there grinning at me like a fucker douche with khaki camping shorts and fred penner beard and he goes again SORRY I ALREADY PUT MY CLOTHES IN and i just went yeah i get it
HIS CLOTHES WERE IN BUT HE DIDN’T PUT DETERGENT ON THEM YET.
fucking fucking !!!!!!!!!!!!! blaaaaaaaaaaaa!
now the rest my day is going to revolve around laundry cos i have two more loads that’s it i am going to write a scathing letter and tack it on the bulletin board in the laundry room.
now i have to go hang around down there to get a dryer i swear if he uses all three dryers for his light loads i am going to stab him.
***UPDATE
ok i like him again i got a dryer before he did, he was down there reading and i dove for a dryer and put a second load in my washer and the dryer i got was the one that goes for a full hour and the washer doesn’t go unbalanced I RULE so now HIS life will revolve around laundry today I WIN also this other woman who always gives me attitude came down with a cart full of clothes and saw that all the machines were in use and i got to give her attitude saying I AM USING THIS MACHINE.
i need to have a success cigarette.
we rented the edukators saturday nite. saturday nite is movie/snl/40 of vodka nite in these parts. anyway, when fil and i see movies where the lead woman or male is a cheating lying slut it means that in real life i or him are also cheating liars. so in the edukators the chick is in love with her bf and his friend/roommate so of course in fil’s clouded head this meant that i am in love with our imaginative non-existant roommate and everytime in the movie the two were together sans boyfriend, fil would turn his head slowly to the right and give me stink-eye. he wouldn’t even sit close to me. anyway it’s funny but i found myself having to hide my arousal or three seconds of smirking at the secret fuckfest cos then fil figured i was a whore fucking every guy he knows secretly when he goes away for the weekend in barcelona hello what?
ok so this is a sweet film as in endearing and stressful you are uncomfortable a lot cos they are total stoner fuck-ups who do non-violent protests targeted at bigwig execs, they break into their homes and rearrange furniture and leave a threatening note behind and during one break-in something goes wrong and it turns into a kidnapping and the exec gets stockholm syndrome.
also at the last scene they play jeff buckley’s halleluja and at that point you feel like crying and hugging well i did. the scenery is beautiful as well.
oh it’s subtitled too cos it’s a german film but whatever i would get it cos it is very well-done like pretty to look at but don’t watch it with fil if you are his girlfriend cos then he will think you are having sex with his best friend.
ps the girl innit looks like chloe sevigny.
i am never eating jalapenos again i don’t care how drunk i am those little bitches are harsh.
as a last drink food-in we went to the tap and got nachos and beer ate the fuck out of them paid the tab and i went to use the bathroom, i dunno if you have ever been to the tap but its clientele are solely comprised of haggy trashy cougars, wanksta overflow dudes from the brunswick house, and guys with kevin smith goatees – LAME O’CLOCK.
so on my way to the bathroom i knocked into about 5 people but only cos i was wasted and was like fuck it i’m leaving and they are all guilty of breaking firecode by standing in the one route available to get to the bathroom. i do my thing and come back out but on my way this table of about seven boys who think they come from bushwick but they are whiter than rice with oversized baseball hats with 180 degree brims and oversized everything for clothing, this one particular teenager puts his ass out to make me bump into him and they all think it is HA-LA-RIOUS, they’re all standing there at one of those high tables sharing a pitcher or whatever.
no child, that was NOT funny.
so as i am bumping into him i bodycheck him into his table and immediately they all stop laughing and the kid turns at me and i have crazy eye and i mouth/yelled FUCKING MOVE and he went bug-eyed and as i went over to fil they all busted up in nervous laughter.
so i tell fil about it as we leave and he is knee-deep in drunk also so rageahol tough-guy comes out of him while i am describing the story of how intimidating i can be to boys with fake ids and fil wants to go back and beat them all up so he keeps walking back and forth pacing as i am trying to walk us home and i am like seriously dude you want to go in there and fight a bunch of wankstas? do you want to be that guy i mean i would have your back cos i am certainly fucked in the head enough to get into a pointless bar brawl that’s already been squared as far as i am concerned but you want to walk all the way back to punch a little kid in the face?
fil: yes.
anyway it didn’t happen.
though if it did this is what fil’s next blog entry would be:
DEAR BLOG I HAD A PRETTY DECENT CAREER UNTIL I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A 19 YEAR OLD AT THE TAP NOW I HAVE A 2 YEAR SENTENCE AND A BROKEN HAND AND I AM TYPING THIS WITH MY TONGUE AND RAYMI WILL PROBABLY BREAK UP WITH ME COS SHE TRIED TO TALK ME OUT OF GOING BACK THERE TO BEAT UP THOSE GUYS FOR PLAYING A LITTLE BAR-JOKE ON HER BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR THEM THEY MESSED WITH THE WRONG GUY! PS MY CAR AND MOTORCYCLE WERE SOLD FOR BAIL MONEY
now for more offensive sprinklings, enjoy. i officially declare friday as the GAY RETARD NIHILIST day of the week.
Dear Dr. Raymi,
I have been married to my wife for eight years. She is 30 and I am 36, Lately we have talked about being more open to sex, my fantasy is to watch her have sex with another man. One night I let her go a club with her girlfriends, I showed up a couple of hours later unknown to her and she was all over a man in his 20s. I am starting to have second thoughts of letting her go through it. she has found a nice young man and they both want to do it. When I saw them kissing it kinda of hurt my feelings because she doesn’t kiss me the same way that she was with him. Also at the bar she let him fondle her in public, something that she never lets me do. My question are are feelings of guilt/jealousy normal even though I have given her the ok to experiment, And the second questions is Is this abnormal to feel this way?
Dear kinda of moron
first of all you had a lot of grammatical errors, good going. secondly when women enter their thirties they turn into psychotic whores or what is known as a second adolescence it’s true i read it in a chatelaine or something a few years ago and everytime one of my girfriends starts complaining about how horny and out of control she is, we high five and scream SECOND ADOLESCENCE YO WOOOOOOOOOOT!
you said that you “let her go a club” i think what you meant to say was GO TO A CLUB anyway the words “you” and “let” and “her” make me want to stab you, just saying.
it isn’t abnormal to feel jealous though it’s pretty pansy of you to not know how to take back some control as in get rid of this little douche guy and start pleasing your wife otherwise she’s going to be cruising the coug scene for the next 20 years and then start hanging out with my mom. 1. get your own younger girl to make your wife jealous and then she will know how it feels and you guys get back together or 2. more realistically you guys just divorce and stop emailing me.
in summation, do NOT ever suggest something you are not emotionally prepared for.
love raymi
