The cat on page 54 is awesome it looks more like Gus to me than El Cid but it is probably just a cat.
I drank coffee and smoked bowls while I read it, I was going to read it in one sitting but am depressed right now and went to bed at 8pm last night.
I got pretty tripped out when I hit chapter six and read about Jack Kerouac having recently left a comment on your blog saying I was reading on the road which isn’t a big deal in itself I just felt like a moron I guess. Adam, (my dude, I think I talk to you enough you might just know his name is Adam) Adam’s favorite book is on the road and he recently asked me to read it because he said it would give me way more confidence in my writing style. I’ve always been rambly and hated punctuation and find myself going back over things and putting it in ’cause I should not because I want to. I think that is why it made me feel funny. I read that chapter aloud to him but he wants to read the book so only that part I don’t want to ruin it for him.
I’ve been reading your blog since before I blogged and I almost let myself fall into the envious, bitchy, I’m never going to write as good as her so let’s bash her category but there was something else there and I saw through it. Like a couple people have ‘seen through it’ with me. And I decided I had come too far and worked way too hard on myself and had already BEEN there I didn’t need to go back. I started getting help in 2000. I left a small town for the city to hide and die and get away. But I’d already been here suffering since 1996 alone with my cat and my head and my pot.
I was totally miss diagnosed in the beginning with bull shit Border Line Personality Disorder and I ask you when you read the 9 symptoms, and you need 7 of the 9 to have it, if you are human don’t you have at least 5 for simply being human doesn’t that like prove you are? So whatever fuck you I have depression that label will do.
You work at Raymi you work at it hard. I can’t even handle the way people bully you and judge you and I feel so protective and I think it’s because even though I can’t do a fucking thing I feel good knowing I care, that I believe in Lauren. Because until 1998 no one gave a fuck about me and how fucked up I was and as far as I’m concerned wouldn’t have given a fuck if I had died.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind that there will be a volume 2 and 3 and 4 and I’ll get to say HEY I considered her a friend I don’t know if she ever really cared but I cared about her and I’m gay as fuck proud to see where she is now…
-gus
