after taking turns throwing each other into bushes and trees and street signs and posts we stumbled in plastered to the laundry room to find the superintendent’s wife waiting for a load of laundry to finish and she had FOLDED. MY. LAUNDRY! i’m glad fil was there with me cos the exchange wouldn’t have been pleasant at all, i mean, she would have scolded me but cos super tall responsible kempt facial hair guy was with me it was like oh ok no biggie i totally folded YOUR UNDERWEAR!
???
then she told us that the laundry room closes at ten bla bla we knew this already and i couldn’t control the volume of my voice so i was like yell-talking and thanking her and saying YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT and in my head i am like FUMING.
i preferred it when our clothes were tossed soggy and wet into a pile wait, no i didn’t.
do you think she was trying to teach me a lesson by folding my laundry? cos all i learned was to FUCKIN PAAAAARTY AAAAAALL NIIIIITE LOOOONG DUUUUDE AND THEN MY LAUNDRY GETS FOLDED YES!
i just completely lost my fucking mind on two natives, one of the ten million who frequent bloor between bathurst and spadina.
i was returning a video to queen and passing by this big dude with a tear drop tattoo under his eye and a skinnier guy with a mohawk, tear drop goes I CAN SEE YOUR NIPPLES as i am passing by and i whip around and say FUCK YOU! walk a little ways more turn around still walking and give them the arm raised in the air middle finger and scream YOU FUCKING SCUM!!!1 then i return the movie and pass them again and they didn’t say a word. the one guy was motioning to teardrop that i was coming by again and they both went quiet.
i guess this could also apply to getting over a chick.
first off you have to shed ten pounds but you don’t really need to do anything to make that happen it just, happens, you know emo stress and sadness makes food just like bleh! if you were dumped out of the blue then you were robbed of your getting hot for your new dating lifestyle HOW DARE HE PLAN BEHIND YOUR BACK TO DUMP YOU HE WILL BUUUUUUUUUURN and how he will burn is by you turning anorexic and throwing out every article of clothing that makes you look dumpy on the couch secluded behind your curtains.
“what’s the point in being single if i can’t wear my skinny pants?”
give yourself a tiny haircut or a trim and dye your hair, make yourself look better on the outside cos once you feel better on the outs you wil feel better on the IN and any friends of yours who tell you IT’S THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS, YOUR PERSONALITY bla bla FUUUUCK THEM! they are fat and ugly and single. avoid depressives for the entire month following your break up, they will BRING. YOU. DOWN.
hang out with people who effectively shit talk your ex and who gladly bring up every single detail of why they suck and everytime you mention how attractive your man was/is they are allowed to steal something from you.
go out and buy new cds, do NOT listen to any of the music you both enjoyed together until you are fully over this guy, seriously, do you think he is lying in bed at nite listening to jeff buckley, picturing your face? bitch that dude is straight macking chicks LEFT AND RIGHT!
which brings me to my next point, GET LAID! if not fully-laid then facefuck a bunch of dudes PLEASE. don’t do that i am swearing off the opposite sex bullshit like you are the guy from weezer, what are you castrated? the longer you go without having your sexual urges met the more of a terrified awkward weirdo you will be when you once again come into contact with a dude UH HUH DOI THANK YOU FOR LOOKING AT ME OH OOOOH THAT FEELS GOOD WHEN YOUR FINGER TOUCHES MY SHOELACE swooooooooooooon!
pathetic.
GO. ON. A. BENDER. serious. listen to agro rock and wear fucked up outfits for a week harajuku style and throw yourself around with squeegee kids at reverb, once you see how the lower class masses deal with everyday hardships by smashing fluorescent lights on their heads and dumping beer on their mates you will feel like the biggest most whiniest pussy ever SHUT UP.
do NOT write poetry. even if you were 100% emotionally stable and still in a relationship. DO NOT WRITE POETRY!
join emo chat rooms on yahoo. talk to 18 year olds who’s lives are spiralling downward cos west49 is sold out of ROXY board shorts, SO SAD! let them talk for five minutes then pour your heart and soul out to them and see them desperately try to console you with their advice and non-world experiences it’s SO sweet! you will feel purged and the weight of your misery will be on the shoulders of someone who needs it to sustain their emo existence in highschool and something to journal/discuss in the caf over french fries. they also think you TOOOTALLY RULE and write things like i <3 < your name > all over their stuff.
borrow someone’s dog for a day.
eventually when you feel better about your situation and how you look and whatever bump into your ex but don’t be obviously ignoring him or acting like you don’t care just be yourself the exact same you he initially fell in love with, with no hint of bitterness in your voice whatsoever. yes yes they say they’re happy for you that you’re happy and whatever IT’S A FUCKING LIE deep down it KILLS HIM that you moved on and are coping without him and you’re not a lost hooker in the street smoking crack. ok.
fil: cid comes up to me sometimes and wakes me up with his whiskers to feed him and i tell him no later and so he lies down on my arm and cuddles with me until my alarm goes off.
Larry lives two floors above us with his parents in our condo building. We met him in the elevator our fist day moving in this past December. His parent’s condo is twice the size of ours, they have half the entire floor. They are loaded. Larry does nothing. He is an only child and has absolutely zero plans to move out on his own.
Larry dresses like he is homeless and he never shaves or brushes his hair. He’s one of those dudes who thinks if people know he comes from wealth that they will use and take advantage of him and therefore spends his days “testing” girls, it is utterly annoying and entertaining.
Me and Sam are his friends and Larry put us through one of his “tests” back in January, we both passed, according to Larry’s standards.
Sam’s test was inviting Larry to a fancy work thing and Larry got retardedly wasted, fully embarrassing Sam and Sam still drove Larry the next day to pick his car up from the airport.
I passed Larry’s test by telling him to fuck off when he tried to get me to admit that I only was friends with him for his money and out of geographical convenience and then I didn’t speak to him for two weeks and he thought that was “really cool of me” to not fall for his shit.
Since then Larry and I hang out pretty much every afternoon during the week.
Larry is 35 years old and he has a tiny dog that looks like Toto, but tinier still, and his dog is named Carl, for irony Larry says.
