finally saw brokeback mountain.

1. jake gylenahalala grows the most obnoxiously annoying moustache 2/3 they way thru the movie and it makes you want to punch yourself in the eyes

2. you cannot understand one fucking word the blond guy is saying and you pretty much go the entire movie without knowing what his name is

3. blond guy’s wife somehow is magically able to suppress her knowledge of his gayness for many years without snapping or letting him know she knows. i would’ve been all PEACE HERE’S THE KIDS YOU LYING HOMO ten seconds into finding out

4. anne hathaway’s nipples are nowhere near as dinnerplatey as i thought they were going to be and she inevitably has platinum hair and black eyebrows EW

5. when the movie starts you are TOTALLY FUCKING BORED and when it is over you are TOTALLY FUCKING DEPRESSED and then you can’t get that guitar theme music out of your head for HOURS

6. randy quaid is in it and he is fat

7. i rate this movie 5/10 – after all this time and all the big deals made over it on CNN and it was totally fucking gay not only literally but like, BOOORING, holy crap i was expecting fireworks and crazy CRAZY CRAAAAZY FUN GAY HOT SEX but jeez, WTF!?

8. michelle williams i think that’s her name looks like an elf

9. anne hathaway has cocksucker lips

10. tonite we watch havoc where anne hathaway gets nude and has a total potty mouth NICE!