ok so i’ve heard of shrinkage buuuut….

caption this.

the GAY PARTY TAPE

I AM A RAP STAR by raymi

fuck i’m pretty
i live in the city
my life ain’t shitty
i dump on ya’lls titty
my blog gets them hitty
mad props hits the clitty
drinkin’ bottles of fiddy
mackin’ bitches left right and citty

‘dem writin’ songs ’bout me
what the shit they sayin’ ’bout you
nothin’ bitches nothin’
what they sayin’ mad true
this bitch be dope hittin’ slopes jumpin rope
what you husslin’ like me nope

stick wit it long ’nuff you’s get closer to them muff eatin’ gruff shit be rough not so much when the going’s tough touch the stuff hard enough when they hate give them dust

fuck me? fuck you your ass is tired you’re dirty foo
your life ain’t true you want ‘spect it ain’t hap’nin soon’s
you start them scribes you need to, little bit die
then you see we be comin’ from seen?

now imagine me poetry slammin’ that!

BEST SONG EVER – the pharmacist’s mate, amy fusselman

I LOVE MY MOM
I LOVE MY MOM
SHE’S NO SEX BOMB
BUT SHE’S MY MOM
SHE SENDS ME FOOD
WHEN I AM GONE
SHE’S OLD, SHE’S COOL, MY MOM RULES

I LOVE MY DAD
I LOVE MY DAD
I AM SO GLAD
THAT’S HE’S MY DAD
HE SENDS ME MONEY
EVEN THOUGH I’M BAD
HE’S OLD, HE’S COOL, MY DAD RULES

i just said Whatever and it blew my mind at how cool i am like i don’t care about stuff!!!!!!!!!!! i said it cos elizabeth said dude i am mad at vice for having anorexic models.

she said she was at the library but really she is here snapping her gum loudly and i am going to snap-attack if she does it one more time.

we decided that we are going to be anoreixc together. ANOREXIA-PACT! but it won’t happen because we are fat and drink a lot and eat a lot.

i put in my new piercing and it is tacky and cool at the same time so if i wear the right outfit i can pull it off like if i become insanely goth OR i dress very very feminine and wear nice billowy hippie dresses and have flowers in my hair and people will sigh and think about sunshine in a big meadow and then i turn my head and they are like whuuuuuuuut!? SHE IS SUPER DUPER COOL I AM GOING TO EXPLODE AT HER COOLNESS IT IS SHOCKING.

i like making up scenarios in my head that will never fucking happen and then i quote my scenarios to people in real-time and when they are like you are stupid i am like WHATEVER.

see, full circle of coolness.

SEEN!

jt punk’d spoof

ps. canada has mtv now!? i am waiting to see bunny. thanks a lot now i will get zero things accomplished.

so i went to my neurologist appointment yesterday and told him that i like drinking and i like being drunk cos he wondered if i really did have a drinking problem and my mom kept talking over me when i was talking and i swore a lot. he said that he had a friend that he lived with a bipolar person and it was scary and bla bleh bleargh i was pretty much playing the role of the annoying stubborn teenager and saying i get bored during therapy and i start lying and the guy repeats metaphors to me and i let him think he hasn’t already told me.

anyway.

then we went to see my grandma and we sang you are my sunshine together well first my dad and her did and it was an explosion of sadness and my mom and i cried immediately and then i sang this song that goes a you’re adorable b you’re so beautiful c you’re my lucky charm d you’re delightful e you’re exciteful f you’re a feather in my arm and i was choking on my words the entire time and she was smiling at me fuck that was hard. she’s not aware of what’s happening pretty much so if we are all crying around her it might wig her out i dunno.

there’s nothing that kills me more than seeing/hearing my dad cry it’s gut-wrenching.

anyway my dad and i met up with fil and martin at the pub afterward and my dad and i had a nice chat and it was good. we decided that when the dust settles we’re gonna piss off to england for awhile, my dad’s never been, it’s something he needs to do and i can play bossy i know everything about england person and control everything.

i told him now is the time to be selfish with your feelings and just fuckin’ cry and a bunch of other emo shit and it was nice.

i got a new mouth piercing it is u-shaped so i am going to see what it looks like and if it is gay i will take off the ball and put it in the labrette i already have.

i’m sorry i can’t finalize any set birthday plans yet i know how you are all dying to get me 200 dollar presents and stuff.

BUT whoever gets me THE BEST PRESENT i will give you a FREE COPY of MARKETABLE DEPRESSION and i will SIGN IT RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES and maybe i will even READ SOME OF IT TO YOU!

AMAZING.

the cat opener is a stupid little bitch and will not open in one succession, the wheels keep turning but they don’t go anywhere it makes feeding cid ten times more fucking annoying and the whole time he is mwer myerw meow mew MEW MAOW and digging on my pants until they fall down and so i am standing there in the kitchen facing the counter with this bullshit can opener and my pants down around my ankles and the cat harassing me mentally phsyically emotionally and then he does his impression of a paraplegic (pictured) and i am like cid that is MEAN.

Education for DEATH – the making of a NAZI video by DISNEY!