maybe i will become bulimic. or anorexic. don’t worry i won’t, i like thinking about it though. i’m so stupid i should’ve been anorexic over winter cos i can subway and cab everywhere and now have to walk. me and fil ate at victory for lunch on saturday and i said ok maybe i will go make myself puke after this and he got angry cos i was talking in this THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL kind of fashion like if someone was talking about being molested like they are doing laundry you want to punch them?

anyway i am not good at commiting myself to anything that would take pleasure away from my daily life so whatever.

i also have zero advice for bulimics and anorexics so don’t give me sob story comments because 1. i don’t care 2. hearing about that is boring 3. girls who are not fat who think they are make me want to hurt them 4. i have my own problems

wow i thought my mean bitchy attitude went away, maybe not.

ok so i am suppose to add more people to the annoying list:

germans, that’s all i can remember. they are annoying cos they are very black and white and get super pissed off very easily, not unlike me but at least i see the in-between, they’re just all NO NO NO and that is that so i am like OK THEN and i key their cars. everyone who got all angry about my list just shut up, i don’t hate any of them i just think they are annoying. you mean to tell me feminists aren’t annoying? tell me one non-annoying thing about feminists and i will get you a life-time supply of oranges.

people with dreadlocks are very annoying. the entire 1990’s: annoying. any and everything having to do with poetry, annoying. slam-poetry? come on there’s nothing more embarassing then someone sticking it to you in a rhyme, like what are you singing? if you want to rhyme out loud you could at least rap it or sing, what’s this talking rhyming shit? are you dr. seuss? wow so amazing you rhymed at me, ooooh.

THE BACK OF HER CRACK WAS A SHACK KRACK A LACK DADDY MACK SHORT STACK HEART ATTACK TO THE KNACK…

wow so very deep i’m like really contemplating stuff now, totally changed my perspective and shit lets go drink some chai and give each other back massages on the floor cross-legged…..zzzzz…..

i eat trees
trees with fleas
if you want some too
you will have to say please

i can make a toothpick
i cut down a tree
and trim it and sand it
until it is very very small

for some reason
the cat likes to sit on the microwave
it’s like his hangout spot
when he is there he is saying basically
hey, i am hanging out

i can go a long time without talking to anybody
and then i go to buy stamps or something
and they are like hey
i am like wow you just blew my mind

fil just texted me a list of things i could do today: laundry, the sheets, recycling, take the garbage down. i am purposely not responding to that text. these were all the things i was going to do anyway but now my ego is angry so i will do them later, maybe after i am done writing five posts about how much fil sucks.

he was totally wasted on saturday nite. we saw that chick at the drake, the discovery channel daily planet aussie. i yelled out at her I LOVE YOUR SHOW and then i thought she thought she was better than me and i wanted to leave cos i don’t like people thinking i am not cool but luckily we stayed on and got plastered some more and shit-talked everyone around us.

fil was like do you even know the name of her show? and i was all yeah it’s like planet discovery something.

martin showed up and flirted with a girl who’s tiny italian cigar-smoking bf materialized out of nowhere and we got it in our heads that we were gonna hve to fight him so fil put a bic lighter in his fist in case he had to do some punching. ok tough guy. then we went to meet samir and kept bragging about how much we were getting along for once (me and fil).

then we came home finished off some wine and microwaved everything in the freezer and ate it. fil gave me a drunken speech about how i poured myself more wine than him. haha.

the next morning he gave me another speech about how i double-fed cid in his underwear in the bedroom doorway and even like cleared his throat for effect and said he is master of all things cid or something and i shot out of bed and said YOU ARE ACTUALLY GIVING ME A PREPARED SPEECH IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

look look look

I dreamt about you again last night. We were stranded
at sea, and they only had so much food to ration. You
had zipped open the cooler that they kept all the food
in, and had opened up this huge package of tofu. You
were mawing down on a piece, and one of the “leaders”
in the group was getting all angry at you – about how
you were going to start anarchy if you just snacked
whenever you felt like it. You got all defensive, and
backed away, still cramming tofu into your mouth.
They asked if you had taken anything out, and like a
magic trick, you started pulling buckets of food out
of your jacket – and I mean buckets – steaming buckets
of butter chicken, and another of palak paneer. I was
truly dumbfounded as to how you hadn’t spilled any
inside your jacket, and why you had taken tofu if you
did indeed eat meat.

Later, we painted huge styrofoam pieces gold, and
escaped from the ship, as our “leaders” were tyrants
of a most brutal sort.

The end,

Love,

Amberjane

siskacandbasilb

ignore the fact that i look like an ugly man with a bad wig – that guy beside me is jd fortune the new inxs guy, when he use to work at le chateau on yonge st. haha. this was taken 8 years ago.

i wish i could drunk-dial my blog, well i guess i can sort of, like late-nite drunken commenting. but it would be nice to be able to call my blog on the phone and talk to it. i should buy it a cellphone, yeah.

maybe there should be a hotline.

i’ma spose to go meet fil and martin but i just read three lenore comics and some of the new vice and now i am drinking red wine. i am getting my period tomorrow so everyone is 100 per cent annoying. i want to take away comments cos everyone’s opinions other than my own are terrible. specifically when it comes to religion. sorry amanda, but all the crap you are saying is exactly why religion is stupid. i couldn’t even get through your entire comment, i don’t have the energy to even debate it. religion is such a waste of time, talking about religion even more. and blogger unknown of course i can take criticism, don’t think i was being 100 per cent truthful in that life of a blogger post, i could care way less about this blog. it’s a joke to me by now. it’s been called every name in the book, full circle…not even art anymore it’s just, fodder.

i don’t care about other people’s blogs either. everyone this month seems to be closing up their blogs, it’s catching.

also people who think astrology is real – pffft. one chick once upon a time was all YEAH I THINK THERE ARE COINCIDENCES AND SIMILARITIES IN PEOPLE BORN AT CERTAIN TIMES OF THE YEAR. my mouth is still open in aghastness from that one. uh your parents had sex and nine months later you were born and then you meet some douche born a few weeks after you and like, you and him don’t “mesh well” right.

“i’m a scorpio, WATCH OUT!”

“i’m a cancer, WATCH OUT!”

“i’m year of the boar – OOOOOooooh!”

everytime i use to read my horoscope it was like you will have good fortune and work opportunities and true love and happiness like EVERYDAY and like, i haven’t had a real long-term job in YEARS.

and then people say oh you have to read the signs. signs? what fucking signs? that’s crazy talk literally, cos when i was manic i read a whole bunch of signs and interpretted everything to it pertaining specifically to me and i went INSANE so F THAT.

people who are annoying:

vegans, feminists, pro-lifers, republicans, conservatives, people who jog/do yoga, raw fudists, hippies, goths, metal heads (mostly), white-hating black feminists, south african rich honkies, christians, catholics, the kkk, black panthers, all gangs, toronto junglists, women in their forties (sorry mom), mid-life crisis men with tiny sports cars, poets, anarchists, protestors, ravers, drum circle guys…

more later.