i’m just going to buy some felt and thread and other retarded material and make felt things because everyone is too homosexual and selfish to teach me how to crochet and knit.

scroll through.

last week we rented they came back and i guess it was pretty good but kind of slow and boring and you don’t really find out why they are all wanting to go underground, they as in people who use to be dead who come back from the dead and are alive again, they aren’t zombies though, they’re just a little different, kind of slow. it’s a creepy film and worth seeing. don’t drink wine whilst watching it though, drink beer or gin. wine + this movie = lullaby lane.

San Francisco in Jell-O also a video of it.

last nite i made brown rice with kale and red onion and beef hip, mushroom garlic/soy/butter/green onion stir-fry because i am your mom. so it turns out one day a week the fucking hippie next door practises guitar just as i am passing out drunk so i am forced to watch tv until i am cross-eyed with a pillow on my head and fil’s cat taking up all my sleeping room and every movement i make wakes up fil and he grunts and starts breathing heavy and loud.

i considered banging on their door but i don’t think i can do that until we have at least lived here for more than a month. fuck. even then i probably shouldn’t say anything.

maybe i could mirror his guitar skills through the wall but louder.

KILL KILL KILL!

when i was in grade 4 maybe, my friend rena and i were out wandering the neighbourhood dragging our shovels around trying to get housewives to let us shovel their driveways for some sweet moohla but most of them are cheap nazis who say “i’ll get my husband to do it when he gets home from work.” fuck you! you’re home all day making lean cuisines, shovel it YOURSELF or let US do it for 5 dollars don’t lie to me and say you are going to nag your husband to do it after he gets home from work!

so finally this one woman says yeah totally so we get on it thinking this is sweet her driveway isn’t that big at all and then all of a sudden she comes out with a shovel and her shitty little son with his baby shovel and they help us, rena and i exchange looks like what the fuck how are we going to get paid if she is helping us and then out of nowhere the woman is all DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS!?

and we’re like uhh yes and she goes THIS IS WONDERFUL BECAUSE IF PEOPLE ARE AS NICE AS THIS ON EARTH IT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY AND LOOK FORWARD TO HEAVEN AND I WONDER WHAT PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE UP THERE IF THEY’RE THIS NICE DOWN HERE!!

so then i began to shovel less half-assed so we could get the fuck out of there.

so we finish up and it takes longer because she is babbling away about jesus and we have to act fake-nice and pretend that her little son is soooo cute trying to help us and we have to move around him and wait for him to pick up the tiniest amount of snow on his tiny-ass shovel.

so she goes inside and we are like AWESOME DOLLA DOLLA BILLS YO! and she comes out with two of those christian comic book things.

!!!

thanks lady. then we ran off as fast as we could laughing hysterically. talk about insult to injury – hard labor, no money, jesus talk.

today it is this bitch’s birthday or something. we have never met but i know that she is stalking me. i think she is 59, she looks pretty good for 59 right? she gets lots of comments and hits cos she is funny and endearing and mysteriously naked a lot, i mean, her photos are of different parts of her body that are naked and the photos look mysterious. anyway.

i just went to the supermarket because i am an old lady housewife and on the way there i saw this lunatic 20 year old scream-preaching the bible and on the way back he was still doing it but a nerdy university kid was trying to have a debate with him but the religious psychopath was out-yelling him.

i feel bad for those who take religion too far and allow for it to warp their minds so much so that they have to scream it at a street corner. priests are even all wtf dude!? seriously, why don’t you focus a little more on R_E_A_L_I_T_Y and less on predicting days in the future when the “apocolypse” is going to happen and demons and monsters are going to rise from the earth and eat our babies? what is this dungeons and dragons?

stop scaring children already!