“Valentine’s Day is just like Christmas except i have higher expectations.” – raymi.

in grade 3 the nite before Valentine’s Day i was very excited and i stayed up all nite in bed not sleeping and i was holding onto the bag of Valentines we got from Woolco that i punched out and wrote everyone’s names on and i just knew that my Valentines were the cooooolest ones in the universe.

but in the morning sitting on my bedroom floor i was going through them and i found one made out to this fat guy mike and it said I LOVE YOU VALENTINE on it and it had a bee and i completely freaked out because this kid had a crush on me and now he was going to think that i loved him and i chose that valentine for him because it was the smallest most modest one in the set and i figured perfect, this dude will now get it because it was the tiniest valentine ever it was basically like a WHO ARE YOU? valentine though that is what i thought it was before i learned that it said I LOVE YOU VALENTINE.

(this is so lisa and ralph a la simpsons btw).

so i go to my mum or dad and show it to them and they are like whatever kid he’s not even going to read it but they didn’t understand AT ALL because Valentine’s day is a major big deal in elementary school it’s like an office work party for eight year olds = STUPID AND STRESSFUL AND EXCITING THOUGH LAME.

i couldn’t use any other valentines because my brother had taken the other half of the book for his class so i went to my sticker book and found a plain sticker of a yellow balloon and i put it over the I LOVE YOU part and went to school.

after lunch we were handing out the shit and i was done fast because i was a hyper know it all show off and so i am sitting at my desk which is facing mike’s desk a few desks away and he is going through his valentine’s with his friends and they come to my valentine and then they look up at me at the same time and so i pretended to be going through my valentines but kind of looking up at them through my stupid big bangs and then i see mike PEELING OFF THE YELLOW BALLOON STICKER and they all read it and the guys are like SCORE like it was an extra valentine feature on the card. i put my head in my desk for a few minutes until the rest of my group came back.

i didn’t tell anyone about it.

at recess mike approached me and asked about the valentine and i came clean about it saying that it was the only one out of the package that said i love you on it and it was an accident and no i do not love you, sorry.

i felt like an asshole.