i have to start eating bananas so i can have bowel movements more often and that will be how i can lose weight because not being able to eat substantial food makes me mentally insane more than i already am. we just ate a late breakfast and i went there wearing what i wore last nite and i didn’t wash my hair or anything and my mascara was all fucked and i looked like a crackhead which is suppose to be cool but i still felt bad because the table beside us had four nerds scream-talking to each other about boring shit thinking they are on seinfeld i dunno and i watched this old as dust lady take ten different pills and her daughter ordered for the both of them like she is a control nazi. i was jealous of fil’s bacon because it looked like he had one more piece than i got but then i noticed that there was a secret piece of bacon stuck to one of my pieces of bacon so i stood on my chair and screamed like a raving lunatic at everyone in the diner and told them about my extra bacon and everyone was really jealous.

i like telling people things like they are amazing and interesting things because i know there is absolutely no reason for them to give a shit about what i am talking about but then i make it so they have to act like they do give a shit about what i am saying because i describe things in this abstract way that doesn’t mean anything and it will make the person look mean if they don’t get all into what i am saying.

otherwise i don’t bother talking at all and then they are like dude, why you so quiet and i’m like well do you really feel like hearing about what happened at the card store and how i purposely didn’t say hi to anyone who works there because they are snobs and i am pretty so they are extra snobby because of that and then i looked at all of the cards and i didn’t even buy one! snaaap.