right now i drink a lot. everyday. nite i mean. it started around july when i quit smoking weed because of the panic attacks and whatnot. anyway. i drink a lot ‘cos there is nothing else to do here. this town reminds me of rockland, maine and living there in the wintertime. we drank pretty much every nite there. we didn’t have any friends there and the only reason it happened was because his dad died in that house and he was the only one out of his siblings not married with kids so he got to live there and i got to live there to keep him company and escape my canadian life and avoid going to college.

i was an 18 year old housewife and when you’re 18 and not living in your own country and you drink all of the time, you are not a drunk – that’s simply your temporary life style.

it lasted three months.

i couldn’t tolerate the isolation and the meanness from someone ten years older and miserable and taking it out on me and one day when he was getting up and ready to go out and leave me stranded in that house again, i snapped.

i bawled and wailed and slammed the bathroom medicine cabinet to make sure he could hear me and he came upstairs and said this isn’t working out, is it?

so i flew back to canada 2 weeks after that on my 19th birthday.

my dad picked me up from the airport and we drove to the pub below the apartment he was living in at the time and on the way there i told him i was gonna go back to the hardware store for a few months then move out to toronto and bla bla he’s like sure and then i did move to toronto.

anyway.

i’m now not living in toronto anymore and i now live in my grandma’s house but she doesn’t live here and she’s not dead and anyway i am never here anyhow and i’m moving back to toronto again in a couple months and then i will write all about this town like i am many many moons away from it and hopefully i can remember things still you know, cute insightful little things rather than details about barflies that make me and you sad but still interested.

head ache.