so this obnoxious fool was attacking everything what was everything what was me saturday afternoon and i was beyond annoyed with his gall to be such a fucker what with the occasion ‘n all

he was making fun of my nose and my flat chest and my smoking and saying oh i bet you don’t even have a boyfriend and he was making all these not-funny pervy jokes and being completely innapropriate and making fun of the catholic religion because he’s jewish and i was sitting there drinking a specialty coffee and yes i was mouthing back like your bitchy aunt all over the livingroom because i knew i could get away with it

dude couldn’t hit me or anything ‘cos it was a family-gathering and even his dotter was there and his wife

and he was bragging about all these things he buys off ebay and how he lavishes his wife with gifts and i said well that’s because you hate yourself and you feel inadequate and insecure about your fat face and bald head and fat stomache and it makes you feel better about yourself to cut up other people by way of pointing out their big noses and making fun of their uncle

and i also said i was completely fine with my big nose and had come to accept it and my flat chest and that many men/women appreciated my body, liked it very much in fact and then i told him to go fuck his fat bastard self and that’s when my nana came over to me and said now be a lady and she was trying to smooth out my forehead because when i get angry my forehead turns into a mass of rageful expression

and then fat focker says he knows someone who does botox

and on and on and on it went ’til about 4 or 5pm and it got to a point wherein you start making all these violent scenarios in your head and thinking about how everyone in the room would react to you flying across the coffeetable and strangling the guy whilst china cups and plates of food are smashing all around and you’re screaming and screaming

and for the sake of your fantasy reactions being in your favor

everybody is cheering you on

and

someone passes you a cigarette afterwards and the dude apologizes for being such a douchebag and it is not at all awkward after your ridiculous flip-out

not in the least

heh

and so

because i am not a violent person by nature and i know full well that there are bound to be not good repurcussions to a scenario involving strangulation

i sat there listening to holiday music

at the end of the couch

listening to this pervert brag about giving it to his wife the nite before and was happy as crap when she came down the stairs and told her side

which was

her being tired, being half asleep and letting him take advantage of her

and seeing his ego put on their winter ebay boots to go make fun of the pigmeat on the diningroom table for maybe 2 minutes before he came back over to talk really loud and stupid for a couple more hours.