Here is the ISU Essay I wrote comparing Jack Kerouac’s On the Road to Big Sur for my grade 12 advanced english class just before i graduated from charm school and fucked off to nyc. Feel free to email and totally ‘dis the shit out of it because i left it to the very, very last minute and i didn’t even read Big Sur, i read the first 1/4 of it and i was like SHUT UP and then that fucking poem at the end about the waves, i think you have to be on speed to get that sort of thing. anyway, also feel free to plagiarise it yourself, steal the words, make it better.

i found this kid in a beatnik messageboard and got him to help me word it all the nite before i handed it in, go internet! i was like durr yeh i am related to this dude and he was all impressed and younger. pfft. oh and if you go to the charm school i graduated from you can get the copy of On the Road that i read, dog-eared, underlined, and was this close to stealing but didn’t because i didn’t ever wanna have to go back to that school again and go to library jail and not get my yearbook, which i didn’t purchase anyway and i didn’t have my photo taken for it either but there is some “poetry” they published, i have no idea why ‘cos it was all about being a vixen and sexing people and depression, and so on.

i got 33 out of 40 on it.

8/10 for style

9/10 for unity and coherence

9/10 for evidence

7/10 for technical precision

and my teacher even wrote “Well done, Lauren.”

focker.

for research i got 8/10

process 7/10

organization 7/10

ME!

the red loser-idiot markings say }awk. which means this sentence you just wrote is awkward you are a fucking moron but if you tried a bit harder this might even be japanese. All the other mistakes are places where i was too jewish to make the title italics and some other crap about open paragraphs i don’t even know. essays are for people who write books and people who write books with essays in them are the same people who want to be friends with rush limbaugh and ps i got his book for a dollar from the library i can’t wait to critique the hell out of it.

i will transcribe the essay a little bit later because i am gay, right now.