I tried to text message you using that crazy online text message service, but I couldn’t get it to work. But dies this mean that your cell phone is up and running? Is it the same old number?

That little video clip you put up on your site kicks ass.

You look beautiful.

You’re gonna be hosting your own TV show someday, and then your gonna parlay that into a movie career, and then your gonna date Jason Timberland, and I’ll hear from you even less than I do already.

The closest I’ll come to seeing you is when some paparazzi photographer with a big lens, and a khaki vest, takes pictures of you sunbathing topless on the deck of a yacht off the coast of Monaco. I’ll be in the supermarket and see the picture in STAR magazine and turn to the old lady behind me to say, “I’ve seen those boobies before — in REAL life.”

Then the old lady will walk away and get in a different line.

I’ll buy the magazine and cut out the fuzzy photo of you and pretend that we’re still friends. I’ll carry it around and talk to it. “Would Raymi like to go to the park today?”

Anyway, yes, you truly look beautiful, and your Internet show will be amazing. And only the beginning.