i’m gonna do mad audblog posts now. i hope it stays nice out. the moisture in the air totally fucks up everything cool about my hair. always. i’m gonna look at this beat generation book i got for my dad at christmas a couple years back. glory days in greenwich village.

i think i ordered the scurry tornado weather. it’s overish now. good. i got the best banner on my site now. i cant handle my mum following me around everywhere telling me stuff constantly. she told me this dude she ran into, the weiner guy has some company now where he designs underwear. im going to model that shit.

i found a roach thank god in the garage and smoked the hell out of it. i think i mite be able to get a ride, ya my dad just said yes he would drive me. you dont seem like you feel like hanging out with me that much today. you just up and left here earlier and have been weird ever since. i derno ur stressed or something. i guess i am a lot for you to handle and being with yer friends away from me is necessary for your well-being, and it is a nice break for you hanging around and stuff.

things here are just wacky. my moods change like crazy. sometimes i notice it like oh ok today i guess im going to be mad and moody and extra depressed. depressed. pshh. dumb word. it explains everything and nothing about the illness itself. i think i might post this on my blog, this email. maybe not. im emailing it to myself regardless. i say all this crap and immediately forget about it. you know if you just listened to yourself sometimes and talked yourself out of bad thoughts and situations and feelings, things aren’t so overwhelming. the answer is right there but im too lazy to acknowledge it so i keep obsessing over twat-nothing for no reason other than if im not a sad person i am just, a person.

anyway no im not stoned, nowhere near stoned.

i don’t write emails to people like this anymore. i don’t really open up to people the way i should. not even my psychiatrist. maybe a bit to him. i don’t even know if i open up to myself.

i love you

that is what i know

the O.O.

i hope you know

that lighter you stole

was in my twat

ya you’d think that hot

i’d do it some more

right here on the floor

‘cos what you’re not

pretending to whore?

your pithy words

you girls in herds

your bubble world

could make me hurl

if i cared enough

for your diamonds

and wheels