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im sitting here looking at my last smoke trying to decide when the best time to suck the shit out of it would be. it’s raining like mental and the sound of it is loudest in this room on account of the skylights. i use to think it only rained over my house though i won’t get into that jamble of paranoia right now.

i’m trying to eat slower so the message of being full gets to my brain properly and i can stop gorging myself. i’m doing sit-ups too. gah! i know. i haven’t done sit-ups since i was a fat drunken 16 year old lesbian. and then they never worked. i weighed like 135-140 lbs then. total drunken heffer. mind you i’m 5’9 so it wasn’t really overweightness, it just looked like it. my face was so fat and bloaty and my tits were bigger. maybe not. maybe i dreamed they were.

my hair was down to my ass and blond and i wore nothing but skirts and heels and sometimes curled my hair. this is when i thought i was a yuppie and hung with corporate frauds so i was always loaded and doing it.

but eventually you learn that it’s the dirtbags who are having all the glory and fun and the corporates who’s shirt and tie equal prison clothes 9-5 lives, are not anymore.

i wish i knew how to write in english.

ok i’m going to smoke this now.

james!! hi JAMES!

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