here’s a guide to everything
want to be friends with everyone? let trashy girls hit on you in poolhall bathrooms and humour them when they make incorrect cosmetic suggestions, whatever. play dumb. i dunno why exactly you’d want to be friends with some poolhall hussy, but you know, it wouldn’t hurt.
when you have to walk across a crowded room and there are ten jillion guys watching you and you know it, how do you walk across the room? snottily? snobbily? look down? head up, smoking? hmm. depends on the setting, really. i try a little of everything. people won’t fuck with you if they think yer a big weirdo, which i am, and im kinda hot and i always have a camera so they think im famous or some bigshot loser with a camera. i get away with a lot of things. add this line into your regular vocab, “Do you know who I AM!?” it never fails. the guys with the girlfriends who are asposed-to hate your guts, grab one by the waist and kiss her or flirt with her lots. once you win her over, you win ‘em all over andthen you can have all the cock you want. make her think all nite long that she is the boss of the room. badmouth her a little to her uglier friends, they’ll love you for it and stuff.
never be afraid to email anybody. that’s how i do it. be a lil flirty, but sincere. dont bullshit, dont try and be all tough and mysterious. people (i) don’t have time for that. get to the point. if they want what you’re selling then they will get back to you. email everyone at the same time and get it over with.
save your money. duh. i think i was put on this earth to spend one thousand dollars a week. totally. put 2/3 of that away as often as possible. do your taxes.
pay someone to do all the shitty things you don’t want to do yourself. ignore people when they call you lazy and decadent because 1. you are better than they are and can afford to get someone else to do yer shit chores and they never thought of it themselves and 2. now you have more time to make macaroni sculptures, so who is the lazy one now?
always try and be friends with your mum and dad and brother and in the end if they are really mean to you or hate you for being naked, then stop being nice to them.
don’t be afraid of the internet. use it wisely. find yer niche. don’t give too much away for free. it is up to you to make yourself useful to society and grow along with it. it is nobody’s fault but your own if you are a stupid miserable unchangeable loser failure.
be friends with old people and retarded kids. i love autistic kids the best. sometimes i think i am autisitc. that would be awesome. i’d never ever have to talk again.
dont be afraid to call your cell phone people and change your plan around so you are not paying 4 trillion dollar phone bills every month for fucksakes. dont be afraid to call any company and complain. u would be surprised at all the free stuff you can get. wuhoo.
uhhh…
it’s ok to confront people to their faces and tell them exactly how you feel and tell them just how big a cunt they really are. i do it all the time. some people are truely evil and mean and hate you(me) for all the wrong reasons. tell them off real good and then go on with yer life. you dont need unecessary stress.
don’t carry grudges. that’s pure cancer and ulcers waiting for you just around the corner. do you even remember why you are so mad at so and so? who cares. i don’t.
it’s ok to refer to girls as bitches and if they don’t get it then stop explaining your case. it’s ok to be politically incorrect and say nigger and fag and spic etc etc as long as is not intended to put someone down. tho some are not so smart and dont get the joke until after they have already shot you in the foot.
be friends with at least a few crazy bitches. i met one with a knife scar on her breasts and then she shot the guy who did it in the ankle. she was aiming for his cock. hahaha. i have photos of her too. total babesville.
ok thats evough for now. im too fat to put up pictures and i have a party to plan. if you wanna come to it tonite email or fone me. ok bye.
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lil’ raymi’s viewing
