before i went out yesterday.
when i got home my hair looked like ruby sue’s from national lampoon’s christmas vacation also a family burn against me by my brother since the beginning of time.
holy nest hair thank you wind!
sunday nite when we pulled into the underground parking garage there was a van sort of blocking our spot and made it impossible to back in as fil normally does so we drove in head on? anyway no biggie (btw the dude who parks his jag beside us is the shortest littlest guy ever and he is terrible at parking we are impressed by how bad he is at parking, is it a short thing? is it a gay thing? is it a short and gay thing? (yes he is gay and looks like a ventriloquist’s puppet version of frasier i think, he is also very nice and chirpy when he sees us and i fantasize about being invited over for dinner some day so i can play with his teeny tiny dogs) and can we make up a new stereotype about short gay men not being able to park?)
moving on.
this van blocking our spot was lined up with one of the doors leading into the building/elevator area cos two young dudes are moving in (we are also amazed when young people move in cos it seems like only people who were in the movie cocoon live here) and as we are getting out of the car an older woman (not a fossil but old enough to be bitter and crabby) whisks by the two guys and their father and presses the elevator button and i arrive behind her just as she gets in turns around looking at me as the door is slowly closing, making no attempt to stop the door from closing in my face, pressing the OPEN DOOR button not even a fucking facial expression or phony apologetic shoulder shrug so i punch my arm into the elevator and then my body and physically stop the door from closing and it pops back open and ONLY THEN does she come back to life like she just wasn’t totally being passive aggressive toward me, like she didn’t see us getting out of the car, and didn’t feel my fucking presence on the back of her fucking heels all the way to the elevator FUCK! everyone saw her do it too, i wanted to turn to those guys and say something but it woulda been pointless as they’re dudes and this special dish of prejudice is reserved for me and me alone.
like hey lady i hate riding in elevators with strangers too but when there are witnesses you’re supposed to pretend you’re not a huge fucking asshole, or did you not read that part in the building newsletter last week?
ps. i put that picture of ruby sue in one of my facebook albums and tagged it as my brother, i’ll tell you how he reacts later.
