you taught me
here is what i have learned this week. shockingly, so many women, married, with kids, without, men too, boyfriends, girlfriends, so many of you feel trapped in relationships you’re unhappy in. unions you’ve stuck it out years for. YEARS. aside from the piles of comments (which are splendid thank you very much) coming in i have been receiving a gauntlet of emails, truly personal painful emails. long ones that take me ages to get through, like entire afternoons. not all sad, though the ones that stand out most are the sad of course.
but i don’t know what the answer is. for you. i just know that being unhappy for the sake of someone else is probably the stupidest life choice ever. i am not saying that is what i did but from my pedestal it’s easy to be like oh no, that’s what other people do. fall into.
look, i am likely the most annoying insufferable partner you can take on. i will smother the shit out of you. that’s my game plan, basically, and i have to KNOW EVERYTHING. i am super jealous and possessive. lazy. irritating. opinionated. but that’s not the point. the point is i am also fucking wonderful. i am a treasure. endearing. i will give you all of my attention and i will worship you. i make US my world. i do not self-serve. i will distract you from your pain and i will buy you stupid presents you do not need.
however, when someone stops being blown away by you, that’s when you have to leave. when the reasons why someone fell in love with you get choked (unintentionally) into submission that’s when you must leave.
i was told once that there were things about me that could not be replaced, or found in someone else. this is true but is it worth sticking it out with me because i say things in weird cute voices sometimes? (YES)(hahhaa)
my fear is that i morph men into fucked up pieces of shit like me, just the bad parts. apparently men aren’t jealous prior to me. pfft. well. i dunno.
when you’re with someone who is equally attractive as you, maybe even more so depending which way you look at them, or seeing them in action, how women react to them – it fucks you up. when you have some insecurities to begin with, shit gets crazy. one, you are constantly at battle with hovering women. then you are at battle with friends discussing said hovering women. then you are at battle internally over it and then you are also fielding shit from strangers on the internet. everyone tells you how you should be handling jealousy, ugh. look that’s all fine and good if the person i shouldn’t be jealous of was actually giving me some validation. if they came alive for me and not just for everybody else in our world.
in summation. i do not know. we are all feeling the same things on this planet. isolation, controlled, stuck, unhappy. it’s boggling that this is the way of the world and humans. that it degenerates into this. birth, courtship, marriage, unhappiness, death.
somewhat of a sidenote, periodically i get emailed from a recently broken up soul telling me that they were not allowed to read my blog because their past other half would not allow it and then it became “a thing” and basically i broke them up. that’s pretty ridiculous.
the globe and mail is coming by tomorrow to, not exploit but, “the idea is a new yorker mag talk of town piece” profile me. i better watch my mouth.
first question asked, “now, is this a publicity stunt?”
it’s been thrown around more than once. that astounds me. who would benefit from that, namely, what could be benefited from a fake breakup?
we could text?
This post made my heart do a little drop at the fourth paragraph. I don’t even really know why? I can’t pin point what it was, but it did.
I did find this quote today that I think is handy in times like this…
“In 20 years you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did” – Mark Twain
<3
good luck with the g&m, and make sure they dont twist and cut/paste your words to fit their own ideals…
they’ve been known to do that on more than one occasion.
xo
I wonder how many breakups this post is going to cause.
felt like you were talking not only about my past relationship, but many others i know, too. i’m struggling with the idea that we are even supposed to commit to one person forever. it’s all crazy to me now. thanks for your honesty, it’s like a big much needed breath of fresh air. xo
That was beautiful.
Once again – you cut to the quick with your observations, Raymi. When you choose to share your wisdom, your readers get something immediate in return. Some get a lucid description of something they may have gone through, but never articulated. That’s why you’re getting so much feedback. You are a trusted confidant, a muse, Raymi. There is no substitute for experience, but these recollections of yours sure help illuminate the path to enlightenment for all us Raymites.(did I make up a handle?) Keep on shining…
keep on rockin in the free world tyler (one of the first things you said to me quoting your friend neil)
Posts like this make me love you even more, babe. And holy… the top photo is beyond adorable.
Raymi t. Minx
I have loved following your blog since forever and always. keep ur fire alive. you’re young and free! the world is ur whore house!!
good luck with the G&M tmrw.
i (like everyone else you have heard from!) went through something similar not too long ago. i got stuck in a relationship because my fear of hurting him outweighed the misery of being with him. at first. then i realized i was going to end up miserable for the rest of my life if i didn’t make a move. i peaced out, and it wasn’t easy, but now when i wake up i am excited for the day to come instead of filled with anxiety and dread.
the key is to not get stuck in other people’s safe places. we make changes to keep the ones we love safe, and it sucks the life out of us, alcohol and xanax become our best homies, and we cease to be the amazing people we once were.
i’m so glad you did what you knew you needed to do, despite how impossible and painful it seems.
XO!
Hmmmmmnnn? Jon and Kate. John and Yoko. Liz and Dick. Sonny and Cher. Brad and Jennifer. Mutt and Jeff. Chad and Jeremy. Peter and Gordon. Good career moves in every case.
that’s how elves nap. standing up and smiling.
fact u r adorable.
what do you think it is you want most out of life? out of the world? the ultimate goal/meaning of your existence
jesus, uhhhm. have to get back to you on that one.
broke up with my ex, and then moved out to west coast… i’ve hardly spoken to most of “our” friends since (deleted myspace/face account too).
Got plans to go home for the holidays and i’m already anxious over it majorly. I forgot that it’s natural and normal to fall out with a lot of friends after making big life changes.
Starting all over was def one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. i’ve learned there’s way more to this world
than it seems… i don’t mean that in any religious sense either…not to be all vague and secretive, but if i get into some of what i’ve discovered you’ll think i’m crazy as a bat. i think people stumble upon some of this stuff when they’re open to it. You’re way too cool to not get in on ‘it’..to start to “wake up” i suppose, something that’s
impossible to do while in the midst of a stifling lifestyle and relationship, such as you described – (i mean probalby, right?)
As cliché and cheesy as it sounds, it’s true: when you make a positive change for yourself doors start opening… “jump and the net will appear” for sure.
i’m excited por ti.
Love, T.
The best thing about a big change is it gives you the chance to get back in tune with who you really feel like you are, but it also gives you the motivation to be new kinds of you.
You’re a fantastic blogger and you really know how to captivate an audience. Feel better soon!
i got it. that’s a old diesel ad, right?
This is badass piece of writing. I hope you find happy, content, and someone who thinks you’re incredible on the other side of this whole thing.
kudos babe. you’re a stunner! all the power to ya!
I’ve been looking for words to describe our demise. I’ve been looking for an emotion to color the relationship.This is them, this is that color. Thank you!
John and Yoko were together until he died? (I know they broke up once (or more?), but they were together in the end..
Sorry totally off topic, but yeah “one of these things is not like the other” and all that.
That last pic is stunning. Beautiful.
I found my answer. Thanks. I believe again.
<3
keep it for the record of eternal love.
hahaha….i{m the same way, although way more insecure and less cool.
i like the “stunt” part. as if you were some fucking ashton kutcher or something.
A “fake-up”?
As if.
Honestly it’s good to be secure in oneself before you can truly be with someone else or find someone patient enough to work through your insecurities.
I hope you find happiness. I’ve been lucky, my gyal and I have been together for 14 years and we’re still madly in love, probably even more now then before.
<3
you’ve been killin it here lately and i have missed it. you deserve happiness and you are a gift.
I. Love. You.
I wish you were on Tumblr so I could “like” and “reblog” the shit out of this post. (In fact I think I’ll do that anyway.)
I am also the most jealous, obsessive, sly piece-of-shit girlfriend ever. And I’m also FUCKING AWESOME, understanding, supportive, “have outside interests”, sexxxxxy, and I cook him dinner five nights out of the week. The day I forget that I am a fucking PRIZE, and the day he forgets that he should be down on his knees every night thanking God* he’s got me on his team is the day we’re done.
P.S. If you ever have the crazy urge to come to Los Angeles…you’ve got a couch and a chauffeur and a tour guide. And a weed hookup.
P.P.S. “Thanking God” is of course a figure of speech since we don’t believe in God. LOL atheist loverrrrrrs!
P.P.P.S. I’m basically reading this comment out loud to the boyf as I write it, and just like a man, all he has to say on the topic is: “I miss Raymi’s boobs. Are her boobs coming back now that she’s single? Boobs. Video games! Are you still talking?”
“when you’re with someone who is equally attractive as you, maybe even more so depending which way you look at them, or seeing them in action, how women react to them – it fucks you up.”
^^^ This. I hate this so much. It makes me irrational. It makes me crazy. How am I supposed to react? Comfortable, warm, safe, loved? No, it just makes me feel psycho.
I hope you feel better.
ya know when a lady can put it where I can read it and feel it, well.. lady.. high five..
love you yumwatch!
narwhal i think you point it out then have a fight about it and then get even? thanks sky.
this was a really good post