free hit counter

puh puh puh puh post seeeeeecret shhhit

HI, WELCOME TO THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE (AND ESPECIALLY THE INTERNET) HAVE WE MET? and while on the subject of grammar, i think “people WHO can’t spell” sounds more correct. ah, burn.

dramatically change your appearance then or move on, actually, just move on, but not before an enormous blow-out confrontation fight that you will then email me about and i can post on my blog. does he make clothing suggestions too? red flag lady! you’ve seen the signs now act.

you’re fuckin’ sick dude, and pathetic. i hope your wife finds out, and she will, and your daughter (assuming you have one cos the perviest guys are always ALWAYS fathers to daughters, it’s like the best irony and just desserts ever) has inherited this gene of yours, fantasize about THAT pussy you pig.

sigh, insert did you keep a receipt joke here. moreover, D-I-V-O-R-C-E or go on oprah and cry on tv about it. no, just leave him the selfish twat.

yeah sorry there peaches but the bullshit detector’s goin’ bananas over here you (alleged) little slut. come up with an original line to divulge your bad girl attention-seeking secret next time and maybe i will give a care and way to go all out on the postcard design too. YAWN. you couldn’t even bother to draw a lightning bolt or a broken heart or a dollar sign why, hurts too much?

OOOOOOoooooh look, someone put down their erotic gas station fiction for a second to declare something totally revolutionary WOAH my brain just did a 360 i can’t wait for the next card about HOT FIREMEN and SVELTE LIFEGUARDS and PROFESSORS BY DAY INDIANA JONES BY NIGHT babes where have i been all this time guys? what’s that you say, water is WET!? GET OUT!

ok that sounds fun actually save for the unnecessary dress judging line, you got greedy. the wedding on the stairs is spectacle enough as is you didn’t have to go full throttle bitchy and ho ho look at this, you spelled roommate incorrectly (snicker) and i’m guessing neither of you are married and you follow-up saturday’s depression activity watching 27 dresses and inhaling whip cream, no?

jesus fuck who are these people? you do not even deserve a baby step OCD kid gloves lesson here just pick your nose alone FOREVER and get out of my face.

why cos you’re ugly? heinous? a hyper-demanding high maintenance controlling emotionally-inept philandering piece of shit? do you want to be alone? no? yes? are you gloating? i can’t feel sympathetic for you cos i get the sense you are being half-arrogant about this yet are also crying out, but you’re a dude, and dudes are stubborn, so you won’t change or do anything to make an effort in the personal life department so whatever, no one’s to blame but you, and your father.

OH, BLOW ME.

dear: person who stumbled upon the simplest job ever who puts up 20 postcards on his blog ONCE A WEEK, yes, take a break you are so burdened, so totally burdened by these ridiculous postcards you don’t have to lift a fucking finger for they just keep rollin’ on in all you have to do is close yours eyes and randomly select 20 and then scan them, crushingly tiring i know, i know, there there, take a load off, you work so hard. pffffffft.

you are a nice person, a truly nice human, i love you.

um, then stop having it with dudes cos you’re probably a lesbian.

nerd, next year you should include an elaborate instructions/rules sheet, yeah? specifically stating that they must display your tacky creation until it is caked in dust and stale to all fuck and rendered inedible because THAT is what christmas is all about right? unless they were your loser stoner roommates, then that’s hilarious to me *sorry hahahaha. why did you capitalize ATE? what were they supposed to do marvel at its crapitude for days on end? get over yourself martha.

*not sorry.

ugh. ughhhhh. UNGH. can i meet this abomination of a woman and slap her for you? why are moms such giant fucking clichés? you need to SHUT HER DOWN NOW next time she says something negative you have to snap back, don’t even tell her it hurts, just zing her back, cut her off, point out HER flaws, remark upon them loudly and as frequently as she makes digs at you, SOMETHING, compare whatever shitty thing she says about you to something she herself has failed upon then proclaim wow mom, what a role model you are! thank you! thank you for granting me the sufficient skills necessary enough to go out into this world and achieve and better myself with, how selfless of you mom! my, what-a-martyr! your projectile insecurity doesn’t get me down at all, in no way does it hinder or obstacle me you fucking cow.

errrrrr, meme here anybody? do you know that that bullshit claim is uttered every time a rubik’s cube is revealed? you’re just the first tool to go all the way with it. do me a favour, make the L-sign with your hand and stare in a mirror for an hour.

BYE.

11 thoughts on “puh puh puh puh post seeeeeecret shhhit

  1. I wish the world was made up of people like that Christmas tree seller. Damn the man! And you can give the herps through cold sores too sadly enough, so maybe that lady’s husband had one active and went downtown. That would suck, and probably isn’t the case, but just sayin’.

  2. Dude, I’m married because I found someone I’m comfortable enough to pick my nose around… Sometimes you miss those days when you’d go into another room to fart, close the bathroom door, and always wear your best undies. But then you remember how great it is that you can be completely yourself around at least one person on the planet.

    Oh, and nice subscribe to comments plugin :D

  3. “you’re probably a lesbian” hahahahahaha funny cuz it’s true.

    xmas tree-for-free person is great… not so great is when the credit card holder shows up to the next store and gives the cashier there shit because it’s “suddenly” been declined and “it worked at the other store five minutes ago”.

    and nose-picking? get over it. sooo easy to do without being noticed!

    ps. happy new year raymi.

  4. re: bitchy mother
    you can always tell the girls who didn’t have a mother who was encouraging or unconditional because most end up just like their mothers unfortunately
    obsessed with their appearance, depressed, critical, and as passive agressive as they come
    i don’t get it – how can a mother not be her daughter’s biggest fan? its fucked up

  5. i bet the nose picker eats her boogers and that’s her real secret. she should’ve just come out and said it.

    “i’m afraid to get MARRIED b/c my husband will find out i TOTALLY EAT MY BOOGERS!!!”

    haha sick.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *