Why am i looking at other people’s boring crap?

WHEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN! I’m the interesting one here, no offense friends but normally at the party I’ve cut you off by now and am talking about my crazy week don’t trick me with this hangover o_O of mine now, nice try.

Ok I am going to treat my blog like twitter for the next hour and every inane thought I would normally tweet, I’ll blog. This is how I used to blog anyway, before twitter was around back when I was less of a pisstank. I’ve already let a few genius ones slip by on to twitter, like:

if i order poached eggs will they explode on the way, do poached eggs travel well? how far has a poached egg ever traveled before?

Always question the universe, friends.

Too bad Teacher was ordering off the Gladstone CAFE’s website not the hotel, no wonder there’s all these menu item limitations, a bagel, no toast? And why isn’t the Gladstone’s breakfast sandwich on it, oh, cos it’s not the same restaurant dumbass! Ha.

I should write a christmas song to the tune of silver and gold but called RAY-MI Lau-Ren. Try it. Works.

See how crazy you look when it’s not in a twitter status update timeline?

Btw we almost went to semi-formal last night (he said) ha ha right nerd keener prom maybe invite me to full-casual instead

Are you team Fanning or team Olsen?

Popped in to Magic Pony yesterday I wish I bought that birthday card for my dad. Can’t find it on the site but I have wanted this print since 2004. Sigh.

And these next gems would be drunk party tweets.

I like party judgments from the internet

someone is getting a massive lesson in pan soaking when they get back from the store on our way to the party right up to dinging the bell.

If you don’t want me to pronounce it cache then why is there a fucking e on it

You’d not know these were doll house sized, right?

I went out like a skid rat yesterday. I cleaned my act up come nightfall.

Oysters everywhere!

Teacher said he was at this show at Maple Leaf gardens I said I wanted proof, evidence, a ticket stub, and he just looked at me. What-ever I’ve heard many a Nirvana tall tale, dude was gone before we even had a chance to have him. Like Jeff Buckley.

Stoked for next practise, that’s Carole. She is a sweetheart.

Natalie is a our new youngblood gem courtesy of Tyler. I blew New Ghost’s (band) minds away last night about how one drummer left and gave us one in his stead they were like WHAT!? Usually when a drummer leaves it’s on some Lars fuckin’ Ulrich dramatic kind of level, but anyway, it’s our goal to join BNL on their next cruise gig #dream. But before that, probably a show at Bovine in between my burlesque solos haha. Cool right? I’ve always wanted a variety show (I would die to be on SNL).

That’s one greasy party statue. Our bassist, Nicole is in the post below. Check these names do you know how hard it is for me to keep them straight? Carole, Nicole, Natalie. O_O!

Very peppy and funny and positive, I love my band! I bought the .com domain SEXIST TEXAS and the twitter handle too @sexisttexas follow us you idiots.

When I wave to “my friend” or talk to her I have to wave rather cos her pupils are blown out in opposite directions, I think when she came in on the turnip truck they dropped her on her head. She is the best look at her freaky dwarf little tail, she is kind of small actually, dwarfish.

Or, blogger’s voice rather. MINE IS YELLY!

I’m like in Elf purgatory.

That’s fine I enjoy loafing around anyway.

Check out this insanely flattering thing I came across yesterday, I was getting traffic from this my first 50000 website and found this post:

Readers to a blog are what fans are to a singer: $$$.

I would give a lot to be Raymi but I wouldn’t give a cent of my very awesome portfolio because a part of my portfolio is coming from people just like yourself. So it’s kind of nice to be me be. Even if I don’t have any tattoos

after is all this stuff about investments and stuff and so I commented, what do i have to do with your portfolio? lol thanks for the compliments

and her reply:

I wasn’t expecting the “Raymi” here! WOW

I get very humbled when someone strokes my ego like so, did you see that blog? She has 50,000 dollars and sees me as a role model? I like when women get along and encourage one another, bring each other up, it’s so Lilith Fair and reminds me of Blogher kum-bay-fuckin-ya. The older I get the less bullshit I take, the less insecure, if things bother me I deal with them NOW. Oh what’s this passive aggression? I cut you down to pieces. But I don’t like doing this. Some friends I know obsess and fester, that is not the way to enjoy your life brah. What am I even rambling about now we are starving I have to wrap this up soon.

I was in the shower and I repeated to myself, I have kitten eyes? YES! FANTASTIC! It takes someone else looking at you to tell you what’s up from a fresh perspective. I look in my archives at some truly hideous fat and naked photos of myself that, I can’t believe none of my friends even attempted to tell me to take down. Just a few, not all, but I guess it’s no one’s place to say that to me and they would probably be terrified. Only haters will tell you you’re a cow. Meh, me on a bad day is still better than their best.

This is the interior of a cafe in Rayne’s Park, it was my last day in England, I called my friend’s/family from a pay phone with those weird coins and said I wasn’t coming back for dinner (they had planned a dinner for me, I am a prick) I wanted to get laid, basically. And that I did.

I spent 60 pounds at this place. At that time, 60 was $120 and because it seemed like everything was cheap when it was like 1 or 2 pounds for a drink, you really spent your money there like it was pennies. I was flat broke when I got home. When I finished getting day time drunk at that cafe, I went to where I was staying, the girl was out, I changed got slutty then headed for rayne’s park tavern, alone. Impressing these two hot enough dudes down the green velvet bench from me with ordering 4 rounds of drinks at a time (seriously Nicolas Cage much?) I was 18 and, no 17, and last call was 11 which is EARLY so you have to order copious amounts or start drinking earlier which is what they do there and how they function as a country I do not know. Their pub food is complete crap too.

It’s a nothing suburban typical town, bordering Wimbledon and London, the absolute last subway stop actually I had to get the tram link to the subway and I am mashing what I did the last 3 days and confusing it all in to one day of activities, on my last day I went to the Tate then came back and got dressed and went to the pub and got laid, the day before was spent being a loner in this cafe I can’t remember what I did at night.

I sure as hell didn’t look as hot as this at the time though.

I have drawings of the dudes I entertained for the evening in this journal too. The one guy who looked like Robbie Williams once I was drunk enough would not accept that I was leaving the very next day, he had fallen in love. Right. Change your flight he begged. Fine you pay for it then, no? Exactly. Peace. My parents had sent me there to stay out of trouble, ha, ha ha.

Anyway, that was the last 2 weeks, the first part of my time there was in London, Knighstbridge and then Oxford. Blabbity blah shut up.

I was reading Prozac Nation at the time, a depressed author soul sister, I’ve never been as depressed where I am like virgin suicides on the rug for weeks in a row and can’t get up but I definitely am a born cynic, who are often sad because they are burdened with the worries of the world.

I get by though, I am holding on to this stupid hope that I am special and have a bright future and all that self-deluding bullshit that helps you get through your life, I’m an optimistic cynic. NO YOU’RE AN OXYMORON!

Gah gotta go eat brunch before it’s over they do not wait for degenerates and I am not in the mood for a club sandwich FT!