im gonna suture up my future

penny lane on premises you ready for this? to a certain few in the neighbourhoods of giving a shit and caring, your hero killed last night. it’s no more, no longer (obviously because the night is now over) however just let me build the story ok? first of all, i looked like this.

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i went out as softcore bunny groupie bait knowing NO ONE would be dressed like me. i pay homage to some secret groupie muses god may they rest in peace (no they’re not dead but their band wife lives are) and tis i now who carries the torch just a bit longer.

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earlier in the day i went to muchmusic for an audition.

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i don’t really know what protocol is for talking about parts before you’ve got them or just in general there seems to be a bit of a hush on pre-tv stuff but anyway, i had to dress like a bombshell superhero. barbarella-esque. i went literal with it.

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i read well i think, i went cate blanchett in lord of the rings. concerned and urgent.

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this room has housed many famous people over decades it felt funny being in there. i belong in there.

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full outfit. i read sitting down into the camera and not from the ponytail showcase side of my head that i wanted so i don’t feel very confidant about how i did because i am disgustingly vain and precise. a waaaay older chick went before me so who knows.

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pepsi throwback. i bet this will work. in me regurgitating it here too. shit. made dinner for teacher PBC and luc and off we went to get our pre-drank on in the tickletrunk.

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it took AWHILE to figure out what to wear. laundry mountain has multiplied into appalachians. no that’s not right, what’s a cluster of mountains, alps? who cares my room was crazy trashed but we had hours to decide.

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my attention span just wavered i have no time to get this done before it’s hair and nails did appointments, back to back.

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this photo sucks. started in vip. it got better and better though up in the risers but erik said he gave last pass off to DFA guys. fuh-ine. then he came up with more and i’m like DARIUS NOW MOVE and i can’t believe it he actually points to his can of beer and goes get me another one please thanks! i’m like DUDE and punch him in the leg through the bleachers and erik goes it’s NOW or never. darius you retard. then he got what was going on i tell you in penny lane world shit happens fast apparently the adrenaline is absurd throw drugs and booze on top of that, testosterone atmosphere to the soundtrack of something rock and roll legendarily epic, yeah, move your fucking as NOW dude.

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photos get better.

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starstruckery. this man is huge like william wallace lore and the stage was kind of vaudevillian it was breathtaking.

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the fans, fanatical. for the most part well behaved pushing shoving crowd surfing mosh pit. it was great to watch. from atop and afar.

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great lighting as usual good job sound academy. ps. if anyone wants to go to thin lizzy tonight i can put you on guest list as well as method man tomorrow if you’re too gangster to hang with me on my birthday.

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we got polluted.

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then we turned into the movie the abyss for a little while? it would be funny if those were actually binoculars. it’s entirely possible as i’m fucking blind as shit now. pissed blind. i am formulating a new term.

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so many man boners in the room quivering for him, man crushes. darius was actually jealous of me and said man if I was a girl.. haha you know, rockers have zero interest in dudes unless they’re like jay z or oil tycoons, but me, yeah, this is where penny lane shines. also, now we’re on the business exec mezzanine god i love using all those words together.

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the crowd was great and so adore queens of the stone age. ha almost forgot to even mention the act. it’s so intuitive my insanity i just assume you can read my thoughts now and just like, know.

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i saw kris down in the pit waving up to me and then i was grooving at one point and he texted if i was ok i looked like i was going to puke i said wtf i’m backstage i am fine guy haha. snarky. i think a pre-rejected attempt to get a way up to where i was. couple other friends were jeals of my vantage point too but all in good fun they’re like raymi you are always up there when, what was the last show that happened at gill said she was watching me and FUMING but then i coulda grabbed her and offered too and she was like no it’s cool so i don’t really get it then.

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someone else, a dude, asked how i got this magical hook up i said be a famous blogger person thing you know? all that bullshit and torment i’ve put up with, people hating me and making fun of me, gossiping etc well the thing you’re making fun of me for is the thing that gets me backstage to super cool coveted shit.

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i danced as hot and as slutty as possible. which female animals in the wild do that to attract their mates? anyway i was that. there was one amazing moment, not lying, the spotlight blasted me for a minute i was illuminated and josh and the bassist watched me dancing and bobbing in my platinum (rocker bait) playboy bunny glory. i did all my understated supermoves and the bassist kept watching, and i watched him back and i fought through the shy. holy fuck it was a powerful gay moment i shouldn’t even share it here why am i mortified? maybe because that person, this person, isn’t me really but i want to be this person.

i just like it big. but anyway, i do fine i just get way too cerebral. i am having a late mid twenties break down. it’s fine, i’m FINE! hahaa.

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i danced and danced and screamed in pbc’s ear stupid comments and demands to take pictures and danced some more and when the camera guy went away he asked me to watch it i was like no problem more room to dance that’s when my solo spotlight medusa performance happened.

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darius took it in. i said, stand right there exactly there. we took turns rotating from this spot to the one in the corner nook, even closer.

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is my face turning into a little swedish acorn? a little weird nut that doesn’t exist except now it does because it was just discovered, in a soft pink cotton candy forest? actually it would be a scandinavian acorn if anything because my aunt says there is some of that in our lineage.

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it really was beautiful to see. my brother didn’t want to come, well he did but you know, i’m the city one in the family. maybe if i invite him on a rocketship to the moon he’ll be interested in that or maybe he’ll be busy that day too? hahaha.

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best part and then i kept saying to everyone as my conversation starter, gesturing to this madness, “this is the best part.” what? THIS IS THE BEST PART! i’m going to get some new conversation starters. or just stop talking to people. lindsay was trying to talk to me at one point and i just went silent cos josh came up to us at the bar and i was like this is it, the moment is here, lindsay i’m sorry but i can’t talk to you right now. by the way, she and claire, look amazing. emma was there too.

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they read my blog and are up to date on everything. i was shocked. my friends read my blog but never talk to me. i am so isolated and exposed. i should just live in a cage in a queen west store front for a month and blog there, date there.

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i pointed out these cats ad said now they are so totally living the dream well they purport it much like i do with this blog and my life, they are rock and roll 24/7 incarnate. see how that guy is so severely holding on to the gate? he needs to meet josh hommes. that girl is an actual penny lane entourage. i am not that committed to rock and roll, each band is its own country and citizens have rank, kind of like how i heard how burning man invented mayors and retarded titles for authority needy hippies, where was i? oh i was drunk that’s right anyway this girl cockblocked my josh hommes chances and i heard another dude specifically say right into my face and josh’s hey, another (baby) on the way eh like stay away platinum predator so i was like fuuuuck and threw in the towel finally at that point so darius and i could drunk eat.

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possible that darius cockblocked me too.

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he said did you get your pictures of the aftermath trash i like those ones. see? someone FINALLY understands the importance of my work here and moreover, appreciates it.

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my phone was starting to get wonky from so much use i was worried it would crap out before the big moment. me in a tour bus bunky. kidding.

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i didn’t even go to the bathroom once. what a party champ.

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holly madison puck bunny. all bases covered ladies. keep it simple at rock shows, understate yet be a bit glitzy.

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clinger beside him is the same gate squeezer he would not leave him alone. i have no idea how anyone is actually connected this is just the reality i invented from what i observed because we all know i “do” “this”. i was staring at josh like i had staring problems until he was forced to look at me oh yes, i went psycho. but then when he looked into my swedish acorn (go with it) beaming welsh eyes he liked it. i gave a very excruciatingly subtle nod and didn’t break eye contact. i knew it was a losing battle. later when i was trying to get a picture i actually poked at his arm ten times and he just let me do that. i did it like you would your older brother. that’s when i became unsexy and just annoying then we left.

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i knew he would give me a shot, here we are doing it. i interpret it as a i can’t do you but i would do you so here you go. darius has all kinds of theories over this moment hopefully he’ll leave them in the comments without omitting any detail. he said he was intrigued by us, me especially obvs and this is the part when i think darius cock blocked me. oh well. i tried as sneakily as i could.

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i got my phone ready and lindsay took this. he was smoking a marlboro red. i told wendy to check my twitter and she said that i looked better than him omg. i was totally in lust while watching him play. i was totally shitfaced but i went like there is no divide between celebrity rock world and myself i am going in for the kill here i actually tried and i got pretty far i think. makes me realize that if i applied all this effort to more worthwhile pursuits like being donald trump instead of donald tramp i might have my own house in the palisades sometime soon if that reality existed, the reality of effort, like if i went to university instead of being a shithead. did i say i kept my shot glass? it was grey goose too. the bartender was like are you in the band to the leader of the band and he was SO humble about it i go, uh, he IS the band. she was a gina. she knew not what she did.

darius’ photos.

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tonight is my last night of being 27. who wants to wine dine 69 me?

emma is the best. the drunker she gets the more i cannot at all understand what the fuck she is saying, strong manchester accent (please say it’s manchester)(or welsh?) anyway her hair is amazing and perfect and i accused her of being a perfectionist. she sails boats i mean, come the fuck on right? check this pic of us from the week before i cut all my hair off.

that’s a recipe for a hilarious sitcom right there right?

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last night was great! ok gotta run bye bye!