party like a pimp pay like a pauper

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ok now what?

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pull back a sec.

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wait just a gosh durn second here.

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que pourrait-il être? how good is your french? something tells me i’m gonna have to bone up on mine very soon. que pourrait-il être ? is français for what could it be? see american buddies, raymi’s got your back.

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figured it out yet? the suspense, the mystery, the, anticipation…

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calculator! i mean, calculatrice.

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i’ve heard of this mobile before, the INQ Chat 3G it’s the hot social media gadget of the cool kid set, my junior counterparts. their demo aligns with the vice crowd, which’ll come in handy for the latest event this low-budg paris hilton blogger shall be beaking off about right up to New Year’s Eve. i almost fainted and fell down some imaginary stairs in my head when i heard the news.

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i am flying.

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to montreal.

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with three of my best friends for NYE.

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for two nights.

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AT THE F@$%*!! W

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with limos available to us at our beck and call.

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full VIP treatment. all expenses PAID.

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complimentary spa.

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thousand dollar shopping spree at Style Exchange! ok i am going to puncture these statements with flaming exclamation points now and maybe a penis emoticon or two. 8=====3—

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pulling an austin powers. getting into boutique hotel mode. ok where was i oh yes, our hair and make up did.

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breakfast, lunch, and dinner taken care of. oh right i forgot: !!! ! high-end places too not talking no restaurant chains, high roller royalty shit we all know i have much experience with.

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the main event though, will be taking place at a massive night club, replete with our OWN reserved VIP bottle service section. ok i’m not doing the exclamation thing anymore it’s too hokey.

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line-skipping for…. all the contest winners! yep. you have a chance to get in on all this too. just hit the CONTEST TAB on the INQ facebook page and 1. be of legal drinking age 2. be canadian 3. show us your most wild photo. who, in this day and age, doesn’t already have gobs of wild and seedy photos stored on their hard drive? simple. get on it kids it’s NYE taken care of, how stress-relieving in the most ballingest way ever.

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your prize also includes this phone (free) plus three months of FREE service with koodo. (it also comes in pink!)(for pink i will shout out loud because i am a a secret fruitcake).

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now i have two phones and this can be the one i call 1-800 numbers on. the raymi dateline. i’ll crank call all the f*@#$faces i hate from it.

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it looks just like a blackberry too except sexier, funkier. has a camera. practically idiot-proof.

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so now my profile is raised so much so i get to live out my paris hilton fantasy dream life for a weekend. i don’t have to pay one dollar. i’m going to film it and exploit the ever loving $&#& out of the whole spectacle. clubs are open til 4am there too. the location is TBD but i hear it’s going to be one of the major ones. i don’t know much about the party scene in montreal so your guess is as good as mine as per which club.

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i’ve already chosen my entourage and i’m sharing the shopping spree with them so we all have nice outfits because i am the mother theresa of perks and selflessness.

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the packaging is not at all overwhelming and confusing for once. love diagrams and nice art.

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well aren’t these twitter dorks lucky. actually, here’s a picture of 40deuce and i.

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sigh, skinny was so great.

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i shall master thee.

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it’s like your best friend invented this device it couldn’t be more geared for the social media spazz.

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and along with this new year’s eve party of the decade taken care of for you, you get a free phone for three months. you keep the phone AND they pay for your service. when i opened the box, i just dialed my own number and straight away learned the raymi date line # from call display. it’s like some bizarre dream where they’re like and then you get this, and that, and this, oh don’t forget THAT but there’s MORE too just keeps getting better. i’m told there’s more surprises on the horizon too. if it’s some ridiculous celebrity partying with us i will die.

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so i’m taking melucas (that’s two people) and stewart. we all get phones so you can follow the entire jet set spree unfold over the wires. our hotel suite is going to look like the morning after in the movie the hangover. pumped.

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plus we get to party with all the contest winners. might even be YOU. think of all the dirt you’ll have on me come january first.

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haha maybe i will force you to sign a confidentiality agreement. or just threaten to break your legs.

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DON’T MAKE ME DO IT MAN!

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any other questions you have regarding all things THIS AMAZING CONTEST feel free to drop in the comments otherwise, the power is in your hands to get’er done.

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and if you get the pink phone i will trade you. though i do really love red too. i was going to invite sjm to film it all but i didn’t want to use up one of my spots i’ll just borrow a video camera somehow. they might have professionals and speaking of, the venue is going to be decked out by pros as well. i better be on my best behaviour. at 1am it’s a free-for-all i’m off the clock by that time i’ll be swinging on a trapeze no doubt.

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what ridiculous thing should i get funky touque to do to my hair? i already did marie antoinette. hmm depends on the outfit. maybe a huge barbarella braid big bombshell hair but then i’d want a sexy furry ewok type number and i doubt style exchange carries those.

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i wandered on downstairs in the half buff a little stressed out about this post, as all things laptop were not good in the hood at the time. i knew i’d sort it out. i’m kind of a workaholic. kind of a sloth but the workaholism makes it so i can be sloth-like. i know casie is the same. work super hard, play even harder and vise versa. my mind is constantly chugging about the deals, jobs, the whatever you as a blogger call the things you do. my friend was complaining about some hilarious deviant thing that had befallen him in vegas last week, then i complained about my (life is so hard easy) little stresses and he basically was like fuck you i want your life. i am constantly reminded of sean ward’s song i was made for this (essentially paid to party). i fucking love it, couldn’t be more apt. i have a penchant for white guy rappers, my brooklyn ex bf is one. more so beastie boys style. one of his friend’s was in kindergarden with ad rock too. oh man i got older guy glory days stories for miles, summa my own too. raymi is an original vice kid too you know. that was my scene when i was 18. i should have walked around with a camera more often then. but i digress.

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suffice it to say, i. am. stoked. this is going to be a dream NYE for once. i earned and deserve it as last year my new year’s eve was a vomitous nightmare. read the post if you have the stomach for it. if anyone gets me sick this holiday i will break their legs.

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been sitting on this news for a little while now. sorry i look all rumpled here i was doing some serious musing. my hair was kinda dry, no products with me. i am addicted to unite (they have it at my salon, i highly endorse it).

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just ringing you up to invite you along with.

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what’s next a marshmallow candy cloud car and private dance lessons from katy perry?

click it good