and a pouch like a kangaroo that he keeps his wallet in, credit cards and such
raymi says:
right and he works at the newspaper kiosk in the forest
raymi says:
and he has a crush on these flying rabbit twins
Jamie says:
and he wants to go out to eat, but everywhere he goes, they tell him he can’t come in without shoes
raymi says:
because sometimes his shoes disappear especially on sunny days
Jamie says:
he wants to take the rabbit twins on a date
Jamie says:
no
Jamie says:
he can’t find good shoes
Jamie says:
because he has could feet
raymi says:
and kuz of his tourette’s syndrome he is always screaming FUCKING WHORES when he doesnt mean to and it scares the flying rabbits and they fly away
raymi says:
well he prefers cloud shoes
Jamie says:
and the shoe salesmen too
Jamie says:
cloud shoes for cloud feet
raymi says:
but then one day one of the flying rabbit girls visits the newspaper stand
raymi says:
no he has normal feet
raymi says:
it’s just that the shoes are clouds
raymi says:
ok fine his feet are clouds too
Jamie says:
you started it
Jamie says:
but okay
raymi says:
ok anyway the one rabbit has the courage to visit skiffy miffy because she has a drinking problem
Jamie says:
his feet are normal magical bear feet
raymi says:
and she is an abrasive drunk so she goes there all cocked and when he calls her a fucking whore she is like whatever skiffy you are so cute i love you bla bla bla
Jamie says:
the other rabbit warns her
raymi says:
oh and the currency of the forest is gummi bears, not money
Jamie says:
yeah, the drunk rabbit kind of likes it
raymi says:
totally
raymi says:
and her name is frosted flakes
Jamie says:
the magical bear cloud footed thing gives her his credit card to go get more booze
raymi says:
and she broke her wings because she flew into a cliff one day
raymi says:
so she gets her sister to fly for her
raymi says:
this story is awesome by the way
Jamie says:
“here ya go frosted flakes, pick up a bottle of elderberry wine. I can;t go to the liquor store because they don’t like me swearing all the time”
raymi says:
so she gets her sister to go but doesnt tell skiffy because she is ashamed of her broken wings
Jamie says:
the sister flying rabitbird says, “screw you and your abusive magical bear friend. I’m not gonna buy you booze”
raymi says:
and her name is cupcake tits
Jamie says:
frosted flakes begs her because she says that she finally found true love and why do you wanna ruin everything for me all the time?
raymi says:
but she is jealous of the budding love of skiffy and frosted flakes
raymi says:
so she takes the credit card with the unlimited gummi bears on it and buys a ticket for a cruise ship holiday in the caribbean
Jamie says:
so she agrees o buy the booze, but on the way back puts a magical potion in it
Jamie says:
oh
raymi says:
oh ok i like what u said better
Jamie says:
well, she can deliver the magical potion, and then go on a cruise
raymi says:
ok
raymi says:
the magical potion wine makes skiffy forget that he gave out his credit card and also makes him turn into 5 screaming skiffys
raymi says:
like multiplicity
Jamie says:
and they all have cloud shoes, and are runing around the forest cutting their feet on rocks
Jamie says:
but they don’t swear when they cut their feet
Jamie says:
they recite poetry becasue it’s some kind of weirdo opposite tourettes effect
raymi says:
and then frosted flakes is totally turned off by the skiffys and breaks up with all five of them
raymi says:
and dates the flying squirrel instead because he can fly her around to help get her grocery shopping done
Jamie says:
and goes home to fine cupcake tits
Jamie says:
but she’s away on her cruise
Jamie says:
but comes home all skinny and tan
Jamie says:
with a monkeybird that she met on the cruise
raymi says:
and cupcake tits gets found by some snotty nose boy and he asks his parents if he can keep her and they are like fine whatever
raymi says:
oh ok ignore what i said
raymi says:
i was gonna make it so she has a love affair with the little boy and go that whole beastiality angle
Jamie says:
and frosted flakes is drunk and makes a pass at the monkeybird
Jamie says:
go where you wana go…i’ll follow
raymi says:
what does the monkeybird look like
raymi says:
well i like that all these things are happening
Jamie says:
the monkeybird looks like a monkey and a bird
raymi says:
hmm
Jamie says:
he has on a hawaiian shirt
raymi says:
his name is henry
raymi says:
and he smokes gitanes
raymi says:
and he can speak russian
Jamie says:
yes, and his nose is a long french beak
Jamie says:
and he thinks frosted flakes is sexy
Jamie says:
and takes the flying squirrel aside and asks if he’s interested in wife swapping
raymi says:
and cupcake tits is super pissed off
Jamie says:
but frosted flakes likes the idea
Jamie says:
so they start to fight
Jamie says:
“you’re just jealous because i found a rich european gentleman, and you want to steal him away”
Jamie says:
and frosted flakes says, “no. i just think it would spice things up around here”
raymi says:
and cupcake tits unveils her secret magical power which is shooting lightning bolts out of her rabbit ears
raymi says:
pink lightning bolts
Jamie says:
and frosted flakes used to have magical powers too, except she drank them all away
Jamie says:
so she’s at a distinct disadvantage
raymi says:
but for some reason all the guys are hot for her
raymi says:
it’s because of her spunky personality
Jamie says:
and her sexy outfits
raymi says:
but then cupcake tits shoots a pink lightning bolt at her head
raymi says:
and she dies
raymi says:
the end
Jamie says:
and she cracks wide open
Jamie says:
oh
Jamie says:
i was gonna say there was a little worm inside
raymi says:
well wait. to be continued……..
raymi says:
hahaa
Jamie says:
how about the worm teaches them the meaning of peace and brotherhood
Jamie says:
and the moral of the story is:
Jamie says:
no good ever came from drinking
Jamie says:
and no bad ever came from not drinking
raymi says:
hmm that sounds christian
Jamie says:
okay
Jamie says:
how about
Jamie says:
inside every lush, there’s a worm
raymi says:
how about a volcano erupts and the whole forest is covered in hot lava
Jamie says:
yeah, creme cheese lava
Jamie says:
hey whatever happened to cloudfoot? i forget
Jamie says:
cause maybe he can walk on the lava because of his cloud shoes
raymi says:
oh he was captured because some campers saw him and thought he was one of those bigfoot things and now he is in a japanese zoo
i am so mad at myself right now. i was just talking to some random dude from toledo on msn who somehow got on my list and i told him to tell me something that he had never told anyone else before and he said that he let some guy give him anal and this was right after he said no when i asked if he was gay. anyhow, i’m mad because i accidentally closed the conversation before cut ‘n pasting it because i wanted to put it up here. i was all, don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.
pffft.
and now he won’t stop talking to me.
he’s like tell me something now and i’m like dude i don’t haaaaaaaave any secrets, i tell everything to everyone. yawn.
I started a blog, but I dont know how I feel about it so far
raymi says:
why is everyone like that with blogs and writing and online publishing? WHO CARES!
In E-briation e-mails says:
true. But I’m a writer, so there’s a level of pride associated with it.
In E-briation e-mails says:
well anyways, if you dont mind I’m gonna link you on it.
raymi says:
go for it.
raymi says:
what do you write for
In E-briation e-mails says:
nice follow up question, no one ever asks me that when I say I write.
I’m a starter writer.
Working on a novel and play right now
raymi says:
oh so you are an “aspiring writer”
raymi says:
get in line punk
In E-briation e-mails says:
hey, my ticket number’s coming up next. I’m the next best thing baby
raymi says:
why/hows that?
raymi says:
what do u write about, are you controversial? are you interesting? are you indirectly saying that i am a shitty writer?
In E-briation e-mails says:
No I like your stuff, otherwise I would keep reading it.
Controversial? no. Interesting? I prefer the term entertaining above anything else.
Actually I find out in like two weeks if I’m in the Fringe.
In E-briation e-mails says:
I shouldnt say I’m not controversial though, anything is controversial to the right person
raymi says:
well tell me what the fuck u are writing about, dont be all mysterious
In E-briation e-mails says:
I just read that over…it was meant to say “otherwise I wouldnt keep reading it”
raymi says:
i figured
In E-briation e-mails says:
novel is as I like to call it about “the underdog of the underground”
play is a comedy about a couple that owns a bed and breakfast in the downtown core of a city.
In E-briation e-mails says:
I’m not good at the short synopsis.
raymi says:
ok
raymi says:
does it turn into science fiction and the bed and breakfast is actually a UFO and all the guests wake up on planet xenophobe?
In E-briation e-mails says:
no but it might now! And then the first guest can be the long lost heir to the throne of xenophobe and it’s just a weird coincidence cause his evil twin brother shipped him off to earth and gave him amnesia?
raymi says:
and all the women turn into green ogres with flame breath
In E-briation e-mails says:
which is the way they inevitably have to power the ship when they lose power and have to revert back to a hot air mode of transportation before landing on the planet.
raymi says:
no they dont turn into green flame breath women UNTIL they get there and come into contact with xenophobe’s atmosphere
In E-briation e-mails says:
ahhhh, well then, perhaps the breath is what causes the engines to go out during their decent on the planet (It catches them off guard and blows the engine) so that’s the only thing they can think of to land the ship in time.
In E-briation e-mails says:
You ever listen to The Microphones?
raymi says:
well it’s the reason why they choose to fly their ufo/B&B to planet xenophobe because it is a far journey through the galaxy so by the time they get there they are completely out of fuel and so the yuse the women to power the ship for the trip back to earth and then those women turn back into humans and become the new proprietors of the b&b and they do it all over again
raymi says:
oh and the men become their sex slaves
In E-briation e-mails says:
There in making Xenophode light years ahead of the women’s right movement in the entire galaxy
raymi says:
the men are forced to be naked and have collars around their necks that are microchipped and if they get out of line they get zapped and banished to the tar deserts of xenephobe
In E-briation e-mails says:
and nobody like the tar deserts, especially not since the tar snake Garnoth lives there and bores people with tales of people he’s met over the years. So much so that the men that are banished there try to take their own life by swallowing tar but
Garnoth just brings them back to life and keeps talking. (It doesnt help that he slurrs his S’s either)
raymi says:
hmmm
In E-briation e-mails says:
what? The snake is very phalic
raymi says:
does garnoth have a mohawk like a razor blade
raymi says:
and barbed wire teeth?
raymi says:
prolly not because he is not a violent snake
raymi says:
and all that junk would be useless
In E-briation e-mails says:
it could be just for show, you know, to get the attention of his audience
raymi says:
oh so now that all the men from earth are gone, the men of planet xenophobe are now guests of the b&b
raymi says:
and they strictly wear hawaiian shirts
In E-briation e-mails says:
wait…is the B&B back on earth now?
raymi says:
no it’s still on planet xenophobe
In E-briation e-mails says:
what happened to the heir to the throne?
raymi says:
tho every october the planet spontaneously burts into flames so the b&b is forced to go back to earth
In E-briation e-mails says:
that’s one hell of an atmosphere
raymi says:
totally
raymi says:
and there are always some xenophobians who hide in the secret corridors of the b&b to come along back to earth
raymi says:
oh everyone on xenophobe goes to the refugee camps on pluto til november
In E-briation e-mails says:
where the women keep them warm with their fire breath
raymi says:
no the b&b ufo is back on earth now silly
raymi says:
but they dont land in the same place they took off from because their mysterious departure in the middle of the nite spooked all the townsfolk
raymi says:
so they have to start their b&b somewhere else and kinda rebuild it and advertise it in the papers to get new customers
In E-briation e-mails says:
and word gets out about the flying B&B because of the media and all of it’s outlets but it becomes a myth an urban legend.
In E-briation e-mails says:
So the whole play can be done from the perspective of a female reporter who stow’s away on the B&B ship in order to get the story “of a lifetime”
raymi says:
well the xenophobians are extremely intelligent and have amazing senses so they find that reporter and slaughter her and throw her into the sun as punishment for attempting to expose the UFO b&b
In E-briation e-mails says:
Poor poor Sandy Salinger…she would’ve made a great reporter if only she hadnt
second guessed the Xenophobians.
raymi says:
they made her eat her own hands before they launched her out of the ship
so they gave me a bag of various jack off creams and a purple floppy dildo/vibe named dicky dolphin. and yes, it looks like a dolphin. on the package there is a cartoon drawing of a tree and a caterpillar dildo climbing up the side of it and the dolphin dildo is flying through the air because it is a magical flying dildo i imagine.
i’m so fucking glad the show is over and done with. i am not exactly sure when it will be airing.
anyhow, the other girls on it were kinda trashy. they brought these spaghetti strappy lacey shirt things to wear so i had to wear this crappy pinky shirt of mine and i chose to wear my pink half sweater on top of it and i had it all buttoned up and they were like um cuuuuut after the first take and made me unbutton it because i looked like a big boring stuffy scared of sex conservative nerd loser.
anyway, the chick host is phony on camera and goes mm hmm mm hmm when the other host guy is talking like she is paying attention to what he is saying but really it’s a tv thing, you know, to keep the conversation flow going.
when we had to eat the cake for this camera close-up, i spilled some crumbs on myself and my stupid teased hair got all in my mouth.
i am fucking amazing.
what else.
ooooh at the end we had to play the orgasm game where we had to throw darts at balloons and act out an orgasm for whatever balloon you got so i had to have an orgasm like an aerobics instructor and it was pretty gay and theatrical and forced and i am going to die of faggotry when the show finally airs.
i wasn’t even allowed to roll my eyes though i screamed out a lot of obnoxious crap when everyone was talking over each other about orgasms so i hope they don’t edit that out. you’ll know it’s me but i don’t think the camera was on me.
i bet they barely even filmed me, i was at the end of the couch for every fucking scene, nodding and smiling when the one whore was saying that she had at least 20 orgasms everytime and then when we were talking about how if your man lover sometimes does not cum the girls were like no, that’s never happened to me before i was like BULLSHIT.
the girl’s loser boyfriend was waiting in the green room the entire time too.
they met via their amateur porn days, which is “in their past”.
