hey gang! TGIF!
aaaand because friday is all about FUN – it’s time for the fun random word google image search!
dark which came from this awful place and self-proclaimed as “Pages and Pages of the World’s Finest Partyers”. right.
humor which came from the happy guy. gross.
fun.
for the next few days i am taking it upon myself to be personally offended by everything. i’m already pretty good at it. or pretending to be anyway.
i tell fil all of the time that “_________” hurt my feelings even if it is some story that happened in the past, before i was born and has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever. i especially enjoy being offended and being all drama about unimportant crap and then getting other people interested also.
dude, it’s winter, what the hell else is there to do?
oh and listening in on other people’s conversations is also great fun too because then you get to feel smarter than they are and then maybe butt in like a big asshole and disagree with everything they were talking about.
then follow-up when you come back from the bathroom by saying something like, “oh and ps. being nostalgic is terribly unhip. everyone knows that.”
this is why i have 500 friends.
you should rent danny deckchair. it’s funny and cute because danny’s girlfriend is a skeezy bitch and one day he is like fuck this and ties all these balloons to his lawn chair during a barbeque and he floats away to another town and starts a new life there and he is mr. popular and everyone loves him and he has a new lady and then he’s gonna be mayor, bla bleh.
so tomorrow is the taping for that sex show and i have no idea what to wear. the producer on the fone broke it down to solid colours only and suggested blue or pink and i’m all sure sure fine no problem then hung up and blew a fuse.
what is this, the oprah winfrey show?
i better get a wicked dildo out of this and everyone better agree with everything that i say.
she said no black, but what about brown?
i hate my life.
i don’t get those funny tell-off emails from anonymous people anymore where they tell me i am ugly but they would still fuck me.
oh well.
today i have bad fashion sense and i feel crampy and i have wrinkly winter hands and two medicine cups of nyquil did not put me in a coma, wtf? i tried reading the directions/warnings about 6 in the morning and i saw something about depression medications and other crap but i didn’t bother to try and make sense of it.
instructions = boooring
unless you are on the toilet then everything on bottles of stuff is FASCINATING and you actually consider going to the website or emailing the company or you think of a better slogan and graphic design for them but then you are done peeing/poohing and you forget all about shaving cream and shaving cream is all offended and you are like shut up bitch, go make me a sandwich!
in other news, aimee gave me her homemade “vote for pedro” shirt because she cut it up all new wave-like and doesn’t like how it looks on her though i will wear anything because i am the best. i think i look like mister t when i wear it with a sprinkle of hulk hogan also.
?
there is even a picture of pedro ironed onto the back of it with a fancy scrawl-like frame.
luuucky!
i guess i’m not cool anymore because people aren’t writing love sonnets to me in my comments every 5 minutes! i must have checked my blog for new comments at least a hundred times today.
all time low
all time gay
ward has a new asian girlfriend.
he sent me a bunch of ultra raunchy pictures of the other one he diddled around with and asked if i thought anyone would pay for stuff like that and i said well online porn is a dying market pretty much ‘cos you can get all the porn you want for free now.
in other news, ward’s car has finally died.
gossip bomb.
he drove the crap out of it and he wants to fix it though i dunno why it’s complete junk now though i do have fond memories of that thing.
ward taught me how to drive stick with it.
i know! me! stick!
ward teaching!
can you believe it?
fil and i are doin’ the ‘tussin high today.
it’s all about hot flashes and nausea and hallucinations in the snow.
we discovered a new megatouch game last nite.
it was incredible.
i even got a happiness buzz from playing it when we finally made it to the bonus round and i wanted to share it with the world!
that game was so good i wish i was playing it right now.
it’s called castle bandits and i don’t care if you don’t like it because i like it and i am going to write secret love notes to it and maybe email the megatouch guy again and tell him how much i heart it and follow-up on the possibility of megatouch sponsoring my blog which he did not respond to the first time i asked because he is all professional or something.
feh.
his spelling was crap anyway.
cid and i are girlfriends and we talk about eating at the mall and then he knits me some sweater pants because we are BFF!
when i go home to see rocky i am always amazed by how tiny rocky is and skiddish.
cid demands to sit on you while rocky has to prance around you like a fairy and smell the entire room and look out the window at his imaginary friends.
oh my god i’m old.
