You are beautiful most of the time and cruel and sometimes hurt my feelings without even saying anything directly to me. This is why I am voting for you. You are the one that rocks the boat and everyone gets pissed off because you spilt their drink but secretly they are in love with you.
incidentally, i can’t get the voting page thing to load for me right now i think the internet is racist against me anyway if you can, please go vote for me for BEST DIARIST right now and you’re done for the day, thanks.
me: dear phil: IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE WORK SOON I WILL BE FORCED TO REARRANGE YOUR SOCKS WITH THE DAYS OF THE WEEKS WRITTEN ON THEM SO THAT MONDAY IS PAIRED WITH THURSDAY, WEDNESDAY WITH FRIDAY, SATURDAY WITH SUNDAY, AND SO ON.
voting begins this afternoon sometime please select me for best diarist though some of you are being little bitches about me running against dooce and i thank you for your positive support THANKS GUYS TOTALLY MOTIVATING!
this is probably the first time in my life i am attempting something when there is a distinct possibility i will lose and instead of cheering me on you guys are all OH NO oh nonononono OH FUCKING NO. shame on you.
typically if i know i will not come out #1 i don’t bother with things, i give up before even trying but not this time INTERNET no way!
in grade eight i was on the cross country track team, i know, hard to believe, but it’s true, don’t worry there was plenty of not-running involved once the teacher jogged passed and then i fake-ran once she came around again telling me to KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. three times a week i went to school an hour earlier to run 5k thinking this is some little club and had zero intentions of going to the track meet at the end of training, so, the morning of the meet i was lying in bed exclaiming that i was NOT FUCKING GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY and it dawned on my mother that i was suppose to be doing something that day ie track competition and she forced me out of bed to school to the meet and we ended up placing first place, the grade 8 girls. i don’t remember what i placed individually but had i not gone our team wouldn’t have been first place.
Phil: lucky i want two ultimate burgers right now please
me: haha
Phil: look im trying to be nice and calm, just give me two nice juicy cheesy ultimate burgers please RIGHT FUCKING NOW
me: do u want me to fedex them
Phil: THATS NOT FAST ENOUGH STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY AND GO PICK THEM UP AND THEN BRING THEM TO ME IN A FUCKING TAXI BEFORE I KILL EVRYONE I SEE
me: WOAH AHAHHAHAHAHHAa
Phil: wow ok sorry i lost my cool should i go to burger king and have a breakdown? and sit there surrounded by quad-stackers crying and eating tempting, i know…
