I AM A DETECTIVE, DETECTING.

i’m pretty bad at timing these jump photos fil just sits there and makes fun of me he is just jealous because i am full of life and fun and YOUTH.

i left a love message on the toilet wall for the victory cafe geeks (brendan don’t rat me out like you did re: my jakalope post!)

i need a tan

last nite we went for an annex stroll to get a movie and go for a couple drinks at the victory, we chose a modest table in the back beside this woman who talked A LOT to her date at first i was psyched about sitting there, i fucking love eaves-dropping but after 5 minutes i could no longer hang so we moved to the bar which was cool until i realised you could hear the beating drums from the poetry sesh upstairs a hell of a lot easier YES!

i don’t get how the victory specifically hosts arty farty poetry shows, like if you are the tiniest percentage of cool then your band canNOT play there, it’s weird cos the downstairs clientele seem to be pretty decent, hip, pretentiously so, my favourite kind but then you climb the stairs to take a whiz and it’s a full-on nerd orgy attack to the senses and everyone gives you cut-eye cos you walked in during an especially MOVING and thought-provoking part of tabitha’s poem about what it is like to be a black lesbian albino orphan in edmonton or a dream she had about it, once.

the annex may as well get it over with and change its name to NEW ENGLAND.

finished watching karla and it is disturbing. i will tell you more about it later. basically i want to put paul bernardo in a drum of gasoline and set him on fire after i beat the shit out of his face with jagged shards of glass gloves on and then do something equally fucked up and painful to karla. they make her out to be a total victim and humanise her but at the end there are a bunch of facts that come up saying how she exhibits all tendencies of one who is a perfect candidate for psychosis. she was just too apathetic about all the shit that went down and she did nothing to stop it, i’m sorry but if my daughter was kidnapped by a dude/lady team and the lady didn’t have one fucking maternal instinct erupt within her after being beaten and abused and raped in the ass well fuck, my head would explode.

oh right i also have re-discovered hatred and anger all over again for my ex-boyfriend who back-handed me twice in mexico and did other awful things to me for 6 months, i know you still read my blog you can go fuck yourself burn in hell, or jail, fuckface. i also still fully hate the other abusive one but his life has nicely turned to shit now anyway so, feh you reap what you sow, and all that.

ok i am on facebook now everybody, party down.

samir and stefan gave me mad shit last nite about my piercing so i took it out. had to use a piece of napkin on the ball and the backing shaft whatever it’s called to get a grip on it. i’m going to leave it out i think. now it looks like i have a tiny mole beside my mouth.

feels weird i keep going to put my lip over it or tongue it (ew) and it’s not there. i told stefan that my life better change in a revolutionary way now for f sake. he said it makes him look at my face now and i said fine cos well it IS a beautiful face he agreed. i was kind of hoping i would be a tanned skeleton with a lip piercing this summer and try that out for a little bit. oh well.

they said that one day i will be in business (right) and people will not take me seriously with a hole in my face, i get that, but i do not ever see myself in a position where having a hole in my face will matter or hold me back. anyway it was a good run while it lasted. if someone wants all the piercing stuffs i have for their stalker shrine lemme know.

samir was FUCKED last nite also commonly known as SAMMERED. wow. he cannot function without sharpie so he just DruzZINKS until he is blackout then walks home. sharpie has only one more week left of slave labour then she is free. GOOD. though it is pretty funny to see sammered, he tried to fuck up a newspaper box like how fonzie just slams the jukebox and it turns on well with samir and newspaper box? no dice. the last time he was drunklor was his birthday, i think.

samir is pretty good at being obnoxious and cutting people off to talk about whatever and he tried to do it last nite a thousand times he sits down with me fil anton stefan and cuts in and i threw a piece of a stir stick at him and it landed in his open mouth well on his bottom lip and it shut him up it was hilarious, he was so stunned he sat there with his mouth gaping open, totally offended. aha. it was like the three stooges when they go to fancy socialite dinners and they throw grapes at each other or chicken and it comically slow motion flies at one of the snobs landing in their hair or open mouth.

we are getting wasters fil is watching the game and i am being bitchy about it i forgot how much power is possible from being passive-aggressive go me. i want to watch karla instead. sigh. he says these games are important to watch i understand that but still it’s friday how selfish is the nhl being right now!? fil says i can watch tv by myself in the bedroom or he can and i can watch the movie in the livingroom NO SORRY those are NOT the rules why don’t guys know the rules? man if i was a dude i would so be a gay so as to not deal with womens like me i would be a deep sea diver and i would live under the sea hah fil just snuck up behind me and went OH REALLY YOU FORGOT HOW MUCH POWER YOU GET FROM BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE stupid earphones stupid sneaky fil stupid silent shoes i bought him!

we can talk about how unethical it is to make money off of people’s deaths re: karla, tomorrow. however, how many movies would not exist if this were actual law? fuck, forrest gump, platoon, basically every single war movie, titanic, blood diamond, hotel rwanda etc and so on.

i think though, there is definitely a stigma attached to serial killer true story movies, the victims are much more personalised we feel like we know them yeah? but wars, who cares about those dead soldiers we don’t know their names oh can matt damon play somebody? thanks.

when i was in the psyche ward in the cuckoo lock-up area i use to well, talk to myself out loud, i was very paranoid, specifically about terrorism and i was afraid for my life so i would talk out loud and bargain with whoever i thought was listening, i thought everything was bugged, anyway, i thought i was communicating with osama bin laden and i use to bargain with him or barter and i said ok my life will be spared if hollywood does not profit off of september eleventh, there can be no movies made about it, television shows, merchandise, nothing.

if anything sensationalistic every happens on our planet you can guarantee 1000% that there will be a movie about it, and nicolas cage will be the star, or don cheadle, adam sandler… and when they say that they are doing it to hopefully be a coping mechanism for those family’s affected, riiiight.

i have not seen nor plan to ever watch one of these wtc movies, one of the very reasons those planes were flown into those towers is because of shits in hollywood so if you think about it, you should be thanking osama bin laden thanks for the movie idear mang!

dear raymi,
what do you do if girls are spreading rumors about you having STDs cause they want their ex boyfriend to stop going out with you?
love,
zb

murder them?
what proof do these bitches have of yer stds?
you have to up the cattyness and totally call them out, hit them where they are most weak, fat, ugly? point it all out.

she has no proof. i mean i did exactly that. well, i made fun of her on my blog if that’s what you mean. check it:
here.

nuuuuhhh UNGH uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungh

i am going to be 24 soon i am going to be a fossil! i can’t wait to be in my victoria beckham phase where i turn into a tanned skeleton and get fake tits and never smile so i won’t get wrinkles around my lips bullshit she doesn’t like how she looks when she smiles, she doesn’t want people to see the OLD emanating from her hagmouth. i think for annoying bitches like me there is a magic birthday number that makes you hyper fucked in the head panicked about aging so you work out like mental and try like hell to turn back the older than dust clock i think 25 is that number for me perhaps, maybe 24.5 we’ll see. maybe i will try and get on at least one reality tv show before i am too old for the cut-off age. is it usually 26 or 27? i remember on american idol they let this older chick on but they pointed out how old she was all the time, that was fucked up. why even pass her?

here is a poem i wrote last nite at the bar for fil

your balls by lauren white

your balls
they are big
and i like them
on my face, in a race, any place
your balls
fill your drawers
spill into the halls
i think of them at the mall
your balls they smell
like a dewy spring’s morn
they are the essence of life
your balls
your balls
your balls
COCK