me: there was a guy at green room last nite that looked like you but he was smiling a lot so i knew it wasn’t really you
Neil: it was me! Dude, it was i smile all the time now!
me: THAT WAS YOU
Neil: YES! okay, no, i joke
me: upstairs!?! oh ahahhahaha
Neil: YES, ! wait no
me: oh man i was going to be very angry and figure out how to go back in time and talk to you last nite fil and i were sitting side by side hating on everyone
Neil: haha
me: the guy looked maybe too skinny to be you dont get a fat complex now are you crying
Neil: haha im skinny tho!
me: i know you are i swear it was you this guy had a thousand teeth big mouth like you and a toque and his eyes were all squinty and he had blond hair the end
Neil: damn doppleNoel
me: fully he was hanging with a guy though and that is also how i knew it wasn’t you because you only hang with girls
Neil: there was a doppe nowl from years back
me: like teenaged girls
Neil: some dude who played bass in a band called johnny lightning bolt
me: maybe it is the same guy
Neil: posb… man, no pic eh? too bad!
me: i was going to take a picture but i thought it would come out bad and blurry and then this guy would be all why are you taking my picture i didnt want to have a conversation ON TOP of a bad picture
i am cool i spent 30 minutes braiding my hair to make ghetto crimps during fast food nation and my hair was dry i used gel in lieu of wet hair and it held pretty decent anyway i was going to sleep with the braids in so i could have trampy hair today but fil looked at me 3/4 the way through the movie and said he couldn’t handle my hair in braids anymore it looked like i had very little hair and i thought i was looking cute maybe but then i looked in the mirror, yep. barfsville. so i took out the braids. hair looked stupid and now i have a zit on my neck from the gel.
stupid hair
when my hair was down to my ass and blond the crimped-look worked for me, i use to braid some of my hair and curl some of it and leave some of it straight in highschool, porno hair? my mom use to braid my hair at nite after a bath sometimes so i would have crimpy hair the next day and i noticed the difference right away in how boys treated me, with straight boring hair they were like feh but with crimped hair i was ms. popular yes in kindergarden the best was when this one boy would stop at my seat on the bus and say YOU CAN GO even though i was sitting and letting people pass by to get off before me. that was how he flirted and then he would ask if i wanted to come over to play at his house and i would and we would kiss ew gross kids are nasty.
when my hair was straight he would just pass me by on the bus haha. one time i called him out on his shit and said you only want to play with me today cos i have crimped hair and he said what? no!
ps. this is the same guy who called me a few weeks ago out of the blue to try and get me to go to that pyramid scheme seminar. he tries to get my brother to go all the time too.
i fucked myself over by writing about chicken earlier the last few hours have gone by so slowly and 180 minutes of them have been spent obsessing about chicken and fitting a lot of it into my mouth 5-7 is CRAZY TIME in these parts cos the not eating all day finally catches up to me and the few marbles i have left roll around in my head and fall out my ears. i am very food obsessed, thinking about food, writing about it talking about it on instant messenger looking at pictures of it emailing pictures of it, in a very fucked up way it has helped me lose weight. i do not eat junk food anymore only sometimes and VERY LITTLE. i am hoping to be normal again some day, normal about food and not having nightmares that if i eat a hamburger it will not add ten pounds to my body. you can stop reading at any point now.
i have always had food issues, as a kid i was super picky and was not at all interested in meals, i only liked candy. now i hate candy and i love meals. well, i am not as into meals as i use to be. sometimes. nevermind i have dementia.
on sunday hangover drives we talk about what the perfect meal will be and we drive through small towns in search of it and we can never agree on what we want or find what we want so by the fourth of fifth town we pass we are stark-raving mad hungry lunatics and settle on something that is the total opposite of what we want and are in bad moods the rest of the way home. i am at least.
i bought three beverages for our magical journey on sunday, all failures:
dr. pepper perrier some weird fruit fizzy energy drink called slenderize, tasted like suntan lotion and farts
i obsess way too much over what the perfect thing for us will be i over-think and fuck myself and i end up being really bitter.
this one time i got this bullshit soda from the whole foods cafe that was tres expensive and did not quench any thirst whatsoever, it tasted like vomit and i was too angry to go back and rectify cos that place is supes irritating to deal with, all these smarmy impatient yorkville yuppie scumbags sighing and taking up way too much space EXCUSE ME I AM THIRSTY AND MAJORLY HUNG GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE.
wow.
i specifically recall this dude in a trenchcoat trying to cock-block the entire cashier area to pay for something and the cashier area is this abstract kind of island with no obvious place to stand and pay and then more people are coming up and i am standing firm I AM NEXT AFTER THIS FUCK and this family tried to sneak in front of me and everyone in the cashier area is trying their best to ignore every customer cos well it was obvs. they hate serving rich dicks anyway all i wanted was to drink my shitty bad choiced drink (this was when i did not know it was a bad choice) and all these people are getting frustrated and sighing and giving one another cut-eye and it was making me even angrier, i swear i am the only one who picks up on passive-aggressive hostile ‘tude fil is always oblivious to it. it’s not that i pick up on it i actively seek it out and narrow in on it. fil likes to see the best in people, i do not. people are essentially dicks and i hate them.
anyway after that i go out pop the tab take a sip and was ten thousand times more enraged woah i should NOT have dug up that memory i am scrunching up my forehead and squinting my eyes in fury right now.
we watched the prestige last nite it is awesome i liked it better than the illusionist and we got in a huge fight about copying people as in a carbon copy of me or fil maybe i can’t even talk about this cos the entire plot will be ruined. anyway we were yelling and talking over each other arguing the same side of the fence and were both right.
we realised that our friend jeff looks exactly like christian bale look:
yesterday fil ate a hamburger in front of me and i had chicken florentine soup more like BOREntine. i made a massive amount of guacamole there are a lot of leftovers i think i will add chicken to it today and make it into wraps or just eat it with our hands cos we are slobs. everytime a rotisserie chicken comes into the condo we put it on the stove hovering above it devouring it with our bare hands in silence and only after three or four minutes we realise how disgusting we are, laugh, and eat some more and that’s dinner cos we are too full to do or make anything else. oh man i love that chicken. fil said he ate one on his lunchbreak by himself once. hot. i would write a missed connections about that YOU WERE WEARING A NICE SUIT PURPLE TIE AND EATING THE CARCASS OF A SPIT ROASTED CHICKEN TO YOUR FACE ALONE ON A BENCH AT LOBLAWS YESTERDAY AFTERNOON AND YOU WERE HUMMING TO YOURSELF WITH A CRAZY LOOK IN YOUR EYE I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI ARE YOU SINGLE?
oh also fil sneaks all the skin into his mouth before he comes through the door cos i told him to skin is too much of a temptation and i have close to zero willpower and even though i told him to not bring any skin home i get SUPER fucking mad when he listens. he eats it in the belowground parking lot. there is always a tiny bit leftover and i ok i will stop talking about rotisserie chicken now.
a hitler zit is a zit anywhere under your nose above your lip and you have to pick at it for it to be a hitler zit so your skin gets all irritated red and it spreads into a little hitler ‘stache. it is really fucking attractive. i never got zits under my nose until cid upped his waking me up ante by putting his dirty paw on my lips, dick. now i get one every three weeks or the same one surfaces again it’s right on that awning part above your lips no it is not herpes i have never ever had a cold sore before in my life, people who get cold sores are societal failures. pamela anderson + hep c = failure i don’t care how many millions she has. you guys know i am kidding right? anyway.
i met fil for lunch after we ate we went to rotate to get some music and he took a bunch of pictures of me and this old guy who works there maybe even manages who knows asks what he is taking pictures for and fil gives him some attitude not thinking that the guy is only being curious ie. WHAT MUSICIAN/ARTIST ARE YOU? you know how peeps like to do interviews in “cool” “urban” stores? anyway the point of this is the dude thought i was important because of fil’s camera and fil was almost a dick to him. the end.
then i returned the movie and rented the prestige, the late fee was 6 dollars. then i got some avocados tomatoes onion lemon and other stuff i’m going to make guacamole for the ANTM party tonite.
i fucked up my left hand yesterday going through the turnstile into the subway you know the new heavy ones that’s like walking through a robocop movie well i put my token in with my right hand and went to push with my left planning to apply equal force to push with both hands, but i didn’t, i pushed 90% with my left hand and it locked up, bent backwards pretty much and i come out the other side wincing holding my left wrist fil is like HURY UP BLEEEARGH and i was about to have a melt-down then i put both hands out and simulated typing on a keyboard, yep all fingers worked fine enough sans pain, exclaimed WE ARE GOOD and silenced the suck-attack.
the ganglion that hangs out on my left hand is back in full-force also there is a patch of wind-burnt dry skin near my thumb my left hand is HIDEOUS is what i am saying i have old lady lizard skin.
