new product

i’m actually crying, i was trying to get an earnest expression but my eyes started to tear up, combined with the garbage flavour, it happens.

the rest are in the glovebox still.

and now for kitkat.

i gave in.

fell asleep with it on too.

winner.

time to get a new basket.

we did homemade caesar dressing/hearts of romaine again i was too hungry to take pictures, this is the aftermath.

goat cheese brie.

what who’s that?

wendi got me the smallest shot of vodka in the world and probably most expensive too.

alice in chains pictures are even shittier, lucky you.

no offense, zzzzz, though fil was frothing at the mouth, HUGE fan that guy.

on the way there.

ed mirvish tribute.

backstage vip where we watched (most of) velvet revolver from a tv. class.

gill.

lawncare wendi.

ok here we go.

that red thing has been on my shoulder since mexio, summer 2004. my doctor said it’s a bite my body reacted to. feh.

my face/nose as coral reef, trying to capture my zit, the flash ate it. you can check out the other zit on the top right of my mouth. oh and see my lips hoe in the middle one part is missing? i think i got fwapped in the face as a kid or fell and bit my lip or something i have since blocked out. every week this dry layer grows back and i rip it off with my teeth and then drink red wine and have red wine stain for the rest of the nite.

oh here’s something new it’s called brushing my teeth.

then st. mary’s showed up. on a hunch they texted me to see if we were there.

fil in a drunk vortex, gill in a yawn vortex.

i invented the blink pose.

+++

there are more pictures from the weekend in my flickr i don’t want my blog to take ages to load anymore, you can cycle back through the pages. here is what i would look like if i was a disney character:

thanks boris.

that outfit i’m wearing is so fucking stupid i can’t stop laughing.

Tony: im glad you like our Golden Gals Gone Wild coverage
i thought of you as i was there

me: aw

Tony: if you lived here i could have gotten you to paint something and hung in that collection

me: fully!

Tony: seriously the curator would love you if she knew you

me: ya burn on me for being canadian

Tony: not in the slightest
i love canadia

me: me too
if that was in canada that art show would have been way more of a party

Tony: would your boy giovanni be there just walking home?

me: it is not a celebrity contest tony in toronto no one cares about celebs
they are made fun of
and yeah he prolly would
i mean a celeb would

Tony: is that why they make so much fun of you?

me: i am not a celebrity
and they make fun of me because i am an asshole witch

Tony: AHAHAHAHAHA

me: it is very toronto to rip on people just cos they are in the public eye
it’s very fucking crude
it’s like oh yeah i saw that guy on tv HES A FUCKING LOSER
thats toronto

Tony: ahahaha
but if a guy wears big shorts and puts on ice skates for work hes a damn god

me: i dont follow
oh you mean ridiculous hipster ideals
how many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
YOU MEAN, YOU DON’T KNOW?
canada wins again tony pierce

Tony: ahahaha
i dont know of hipsters
since you and fil would be on the top of the list

me: well it was mentioned last nite that we are not
we are actually BETTER than hipsters

Tony: to the untrained eye, you know that you would be perceived as such

me: yeah but then when you meet me and realise that the degreee to which i suffer from self-esteem/arrogance issues is so off the charts bananas you don’t know what the fuck i am
i dont really fit in anywhere
oh i guess i am a humourist so i am my own people

Tony: thats for sure

me: if i had more money and better style and a tinier waist i would be a hipster for sure

Tony: baby your body is perfect

me: what did i tell you about using that word
i am not a drooling bald asshole standing up in a crib

ps. i am really into this band right now you’re welcome for sharing. i suggest you have a listen to put you in your place then when you are done headbanging porno dancing get the album.

ungh rye. i haven’t even uploaded last nite’s photos can’t wait to see what gems i’ve got. i think in this one i am actually trying to look at my forehead/forehead tan. here’s some more of wendi’s and her huge lawn mowing sunglasses she wears unironically haha. they really do emphasize the hugeness of my nose.

cocked zit covering. check my bloodshot eyes haha.

+++++

arran: I had a dream about you last night. Can you fucking believe it

me: oh what happened

arran: You were on TV
it was some sort of sex scandle thing that you were caught up in with some celeb
sorry I mean scandal
anyway

me: oh perfect

arran: oh and it came out that Phil wasn’t really your boyfriend
you two were faking it

me: !!
why

arran: I’m not sure.
the whole thing was making you world famous and you were handling it well
that’s it I think. my superhero thing continued after that

me: i was handling something well
ha

arran: ha
oh ya, it was all coming out in a big court case
I told Kelly about it when I woke up

me: was i lindsay lohan tabloid status

arran: and said, great I had a Raymi dream.

me: did she say SLEEP ON THE COUCH DICKHEAD
im putting this on my blog
give me more details

arran: no she is secure
please make a note about how lame I feel for adding to the pile of raymi dreams out there and fix spelling or I will sue your ass

me: dont worry it is perfectly obvious how lame you are

arran: OK hating you bye

me: say hi to england

arran: ok
tell canada to blow me

me: now that it’s on my blog maybe you can have a dream about your dream

arran: trippy

in case you are confused these pictures are taken at three different houses and i’m jumbling them together, oh and over three days.

see? different.

perfect for a shoot.

WEEKEND FOODZ

at mr. sub when you say a little bit of mayo to them that means three massive splurts wtf. this is cheese n veggie i have converted fil, we share it cos he is a lesbian now.

you can see the brewing of my monster zit later i will post a picture of me on the toilet with a teeny piece of toilet paper on it that i fell asleep with on and had to rip off this morning and fired up the zit party all over again.

last nite when we came home from the ALICE IN CHAINS VELVET REVOLVER concert fil said COME ON PIMPLE and i tried to run away and he ran and caught up with me and called me pimple again and then i tried to run again and he caught up again and i was furious cos at the time of drunk pimple was the biggest burn in the world.

fil yelled at jerry cantrell to get his attention he wanted to buy him a drink then went after him cos i said yeah do it (thinking he so wouldn’t) and jerry had a huge bodyguard with him to guard his long stupid ponytail and wimpy arms, fil didn’t catch up, good thing cos he would have tried to lecture him about bow-hunting and get us all tossed.

we were at the vip lounge and gill saw this one guy try to get in with a cigarette and he screamed fuck you’s all i can do what i want i’ll kill all of you then he got tackled immediately hahahahha sorry that guy is the biggest hero since some fucking guy you think is a hero.

my videos. embedding them makes my blog take too long to load so do the work yourself sister.

ok so you know how i used to complain about tingly fingers and arms and legs and numbness and loss of sensation and i thought it was because of zoloft and boozing and then i had a cat scan and an MRI and saw a neurologist and he is like there is nothing wrong and your white blood cell count is totally normal, then i went off zoloft and the numbness went away mostly? anyway, it came back yesterday in a major way, so we have concluded that i am allergic to dogs, cos it happens when they come near me, fil’s dad’s dog, tons of hair, tons of slobber, tons of big dog all over me and i can’t feel anymore. so i’m going to see an allergy specialist or whoever i go to tell my ridiculous story to. it so sucks not being able to feel the ground beneath you when you are walking in a forest or field or on a boat and you walk into shit cos you can’t feel where it is and you can’t feel burning hot water, dangerous. and you can’t feel your hair that blows especially if you have long beautiful hair like i do. i was all oh yeah this thing happens where i lose all ability to feel anything when dogs come near me i can’t feel their fur and it was like duh you have an allergy, genius.

we were walking to mr. sub in stayner on our way back and i almost keeled over on my ankle because the parking lot had a bit of slope to it you know when you are walking down the stairs in the dark and you forget how many stairs there are so on the last one when you are on ground level you do that gay leg/foot stair/air-test to see if there is one more stair or not and there isn’t so you are frozen tapping at nothing like a moron, that’s how i am walking around right now how depressed are you for me?

i guess that stair-test thing is sort of like a meme, everyone does it, no one really talks about it, sorry i exposed you stair-test.

zit update: it is big and mean and painful and i keep touching it and i will most likely explode it into the mirror before i have a bath then have a red moustache for the rest of the nite. basically i thought about my zit 80% of the weekend when people were talking to each other or to me in my head it was like zit zit zit planet mars zit etc.

fil’s dinner, jerk manwich.

we are going away tonite so this is my last post until tomorrow evening? i know, HARD, sorry guys. if it helps any i am growing a planet above my lip and i am fat-feeling and i have to be on good behaviour and i don’t get to use ANY of my solid gold A+ material (murterial haha) cos it does not go over well and no one gets it and then a tumbleweed busts through the room. so think about me with a huge zit and feeling fat and uncomfortable and prolly drinking to compensate and getting weepy i dunno. if you are desperate for an outlet you can comment to each other in my aboutraymi comment section, it is unmoderated. you can also leave me comments here to come back to and feel special about.

ok here is a poll because we are besties:

probably the most important decision you will ever have to make.

guess what i voted for.

i had the 88.

my brother’s first sapporo when they brought it out he couldn’t believe how big it was, he said it tasted like canadian.

my dad reading us seinfeld-like jokes, all rhetorical but of course i tried to answer them literally.

chopsticks virgin.

my dad called the waitress a liar (not to her face) cos she said that one order was small, so he ordered two and was like this is too much, i tried to tell him, oh well. oh yeah later on they were like where is the bread? hahahahah.

blurry, brother had this.

he wouldn’t give me a shrimp, well at first before tasting it he offered but then he got mental greedy once he tasted it. one even fell on the floor and after much convincing, he ate it too. aw.

cool story dad. my brother and dad’s thing is to make faces at me when i’m not looking and make eye-contact with each other and that signal means that i am an idiot, even when i’m just talking about something that isn’t funny or pretentious. i am the whipping boy and the burn is to compare me to a certain family member, call me by their name and it sends me into a rage.

mine.

i gave my brother a piece of salmon, i wolfed the rest.

the top left tasted like butter no i am not john favreau, dunno what they are though.