bottle on the right he won in a limbo contest in the dominican.

last nite, hurricane pitt came to town with not one, but TWO bottles of rum. i don’t even know where to begin telling you the events of last nite because one of my eyes isn’t working and i feel like i am in an acid flashback. fil spent the majority of the nite when we got home from karaoke (yes that’s right, retirement for this guy’s officially now OVER) sleeping on the bathroom floor. pitt kept saying how the funny thing about rum is it doesn’t get him drunk, like, at all and while sharing this information, yelling it rather, he was speaking with words that don’t exist, boxler for example, in lieu of boxer. lots of shlore-type words actually, the letter L is a tricky mistress once rum gets in your mouth. i remembered just now that we somehow watched napoleon dynamite in its entirety while pitt regailed us with a tale about some girls who coudn’t hold their martinis one nite on the town, scoffing at them like old chaps sharing brandy in the cigar room, oh fuck we were blasted. we watched the leaf game too, and thank god i made us dinner, pitt showed up with only a snickers bar in his belly. we even played a round of trivial pursuit? what? i know! and THEN we went out to do karaoke and sang four songs! pitt may or may not have bribed the manager of the pub to get us to sing one more song each.

last nite was so successful we are not going into the suburbs tonite for dinner.

cid really hates guests he is such a humongous needy asshole, excuse his spread.

hahahahaha.

i had to forcibly suggest pitt to join us on a rum time-out and have a brew instead, fuck, by comparison it was like drinking water, polished it off in a few short minutes.

we finished both bottles of rum by the way.

i tried to time it so the picture would get his post-spray reaction, i jumped the gun a little fast. next time hombre.

i suppose for copyright purposes and to cover asses this “kurt cobain” playing piece isn’t left-handed.

i look fifty pounds heavier when i smile jesus christ.

i look like an insect from a bug’s life haha good burn me.

pitt accused us of cheating a million times and memorizing answers because we were slaying him and due to the rum it was hard to express how retardedly easy it is to get answers right hello it’s 90’s trivia!

that palm pilot is hysterical to me right now i must be drunk still.

look what happened to sheena. and this is my new favourite blog she is hilarious and don’t ruin it for me like every other blog i link to and fill it all up with retarded opinions and comments thanks, the shitshow stays HERE!

this is me age 20 when i was the most depressed i have ever been in my entire life, look how greasy my hair is, never showered, i would sleep with my hair in that ponytail concoction, wake up and adjust, like how a geisha sleeps, except like a junky.

jamie sent me these. the point of them is the dinosaur food plate, from diner?

oh what’s this? it’s an email from some guy named kooper:

your ‘blog’s

I don’t do blogs, and I don’t read them. I realized there are some blogs out there that could interest me, so I googled “how to blog” to try and find out. I had to later refine this search to “how to read blogs”.
The first search led me to this blog
how to blog

In that post ‘Tony’ details many things to do and not to when writing blogs. I don’t want to write blogs, I want to read them, so this didn’t help me. At the end of his post he linked to your blog,
http://raymitheminx.blogspot.com

He said that you are perfect. This confused me, because your blogs suck. Why do you feel the need to take way too many pictures of yourself and put them up on public internet blogs? I don’t get it. But from reading a couple of your posts, I have concluded that you must be the coolest person alive. And Tony must think this too. He probably likes all the pictures of you half naked.

uh “nice” email? my blog is the wickedest thing in the world and if i didnt have it i would fucking kill myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111
dont waste your time reading anyone else’s blog ever

when i get emails telling me i am cool or funny i have to obsessively read every post on my blog to try and figure out what i said that was cool or funny, it is a burden.

also the pictures are to manipulate people into liking me more and thinking i am a movie star, and it’s a personal blog about me, idiot.

i just wrote this in the journal i’m keeping to later transcribe into my next book and thought i may as well just plunk it down here now. my penmanship is pretty terrible, i’ve been going back and reading aloud to fil when we are in the car some of my entries and have had to skip entire paragraphs because i have no idea what it is i wrote, and find that to be pretty funny.

nov. 24 2007 4.31pm saturday

i read somewhere today something that made me feel better about not learning another skill, by trade, like a job or school – that’s how artists make it, you just do art and nothing else basically so you are forced to succeed. there, and thus the cycle of lazy continues on a little further.

fil was moody all day yesterday cos his camera is broken and so he moped all over the place and we’re a little broke temporarily on top of that and so finally during movietime i kinda snapped, i get really affected by other people’s moods, i know you can’t be “on” all the time but anyway i said you know, i make an effort and i feel bad ALL the time and i don’t even have a reason for it, just all the time bad so i guess i understand for someone who doesn’t have depression, when things go poorly they feel it way harder than someone like me who is used to feeling that way, so when something goes wrong you’re like, so what?

anyway sometimes i feel like i’m just barely keeping it together myself while simultaneously being everyone’s monkey all the time.

this is the life i’ve chosen for myself.

the thing i read that i mentioned earlier was inspiring is all.

also in the bath earlier i looked down at my pubes and thought some were turning grey and kind of hoped it were true cos then it would give me an artistic advantage maybe, in some genre i haven’t thought of yet. anyway it was momentarily funny.

TWO BEEFS!

not one, but two, TWO!

now here’s the first:

1. WHY DO PEOPLE SPELL AISLE, ISLE?

get it right! it’s A-isle. AISLE! a-i-s-l-e. unless you are talking about the Isle of Man, (which you are not) PUT A FUCKING A AT THE BEGINNING!

and now the second beef, sorry i gotta say this cos some of my mates (you know who you are) do this, and i can’t let it go anymore. i am going to type it in italics to lessen the crushing blow a bit when you read the following sentence:

2. whenst posing in pictures, making the BULLSHIT (or devil horns, rock on! whatever you call it) insignia with your hands (in the style of heavy metal, wrestling, and/or monster truck rallys as well as situations encouraging utterances of fuck and yeah!) ISN’T COOL!

please stop it. you are not hardcore, i am not afraid of you or intimidated by you and your “good time(s)” so kindly refrain from making me laugh because you are NOT a comedian. oh and ps. last i checked you weren’t metallica either.

you THINK you look like this:

this guy can pull it off.

but REALLY, this is what you look like:

this picture is actually titled rock_on_allison.

now don’t make me bring this up ever again.

this is what last nite looked like.

fil oppressed me all day long with his depression over his broked camera.

sigh.

so i made us a girl dinner movie party.

i’ve had that shirt for a long time and i never wear it, i dunno why. well, it’s basically a t-shirt sweater, it’s vintage. i hate people who say vintage like i’m supposed to be immediately impressed, and it isn’t 1000% possible to procure a pair of vintage raybans.

cid was depressed too.

thumbs up for this party guest.

fil was a big fan of this it combined two of his favourite elements, well three really, discovery, organic, and beer.

some back-up, just in case.

doing this one tonite, i figured because it is 3 chili heat i should do the yellow curry (4 chilis) first cos when/if it blows my head off i can at least delude myself into thinking this one won’t be so bad.

very tasty and not too hot at all, i do recommend, and for $1.99 holy hell do it!

liars.

what the hell is going on?

you’d think he could at least pretend to like me sometimes.

how do you fight depression? with MORE depression! the disc skipped at all the important drama parts of the movie GOD.

chicken sausage.

get out of here sadlor!

i asked fil to take a picture of me being domesticated and he asked why because i am an animal needing to be housebroken? i meant domestic.

add the curry.

fucking yum!

we bought rechargeable batteries, fil charged them, i said to test them out why not go shave your penis bush? he does not like that term WHAT ELSE IS NEW.

here is a video of raymi’s kitchen.

and now that fil’s camera is in-repair he gets to see what it’s like coming up with written material, so far so good.

this is who i lost to for best canadian weblog.

she thanks you for your votes.

i guess i’ll start drinking, like, now.

payback time? wow what a hero you are, you murdered an animal for a retarded photo-op in your ugly christmas jumpsuit.

i feel very embarrassed for canada right now. hmm upon second glance, is that not actually NDP orange she’s wearing?

NEW CONTEST!

whoever leaves me the BEST drunk dial email/comment tonite or starting now, gets a christmas card! contest closes sunday morning. no cheating, i know what drunk typing sounds like don’t try and fool this guy, that would be like some metaphor i can’t think of right now. i guess i could also extend the contest to weed email/comments, NO MUSIC LYRICS THOUGH! haha.

good luck and god speed and for jhc’s sake, put some fucking effort into it this time.

-freddie mercury

*edit – i do not want to actually be phonecalled, just to be clear.

thanks rilah.

thanks handsome. haha he made my tits bigger too.

fil got jealous so butchie made him one.

dear raymi

-shitmountain

meanwhile, cid was giving hisself a timeout, got some mental shit to sort through, nahmean?

+++

holy shit my age!

oh look, one of madonna’s robes.

here is a video of the outox dancers, take note of my reaction at the beginning. these girls get to travel all over the world just to dance (B-) twice at launch events what the hell i quit dancing why? oh right, for weed and boyfriends that’s right. GO ME!