we’ve been hanging around the discounted meats section man people are vicious over there, anyway, couldn’t tell a difference.
there is no internet at my dad’s it feels like visitting another planet.
i’ve been pigging out lately a bit, as in, eating somewhat normally and it has made me lose a bit more weight. huh? some skeptics railed against the raymi diet saying oh you are going to gain it all back gauranteed once you start eating normally again. WRONG. anyway st.louis has a new wing flavour, cajun dust, and it blasted my face off. i don’t normally eat garbage as you all know from my constant nagging about it, but now i have come to realise that my metabolism is back in-tact and i can dine like an american, again. during the weed days, every nite i ate 6 slices of pizza with dipping sauce, chinese food, anything that delivered til 3am, and i looked liked a twig. come late-january it will be a year since i began my starvation-adventure. yes you care. the point of this is, i am not afraid of french fries anymore, i’ll eat maybe a 1/4 of them but not obsess over it while i’m doing it, it’s cheesy but changing your mentality about food is a big part of weight-loss success where is oprah?
those pants for example i bought when i was 19 and now they fit again, back when size 7/8 could fit normal people, now a 7/8 is like a 5/6, thanks h&m and nicole richie!
wow flattering much thanks dad!
another one of my mom’s X-large cast-aways (cinching it at the back). if you wear bigger, then you look bigger. i’m not going to say it again.
yes i am.
the white oak is an institution, an institution of breakfast. the owners know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE in oakville and started to gab with fil about his old friends and referred to one guy as fries ‘n gravy. man i wish i had nicknames for people like that, hey taco! what’s up gelato? ribs call me! dude is kinda agoraphobic so once we tell him this there is no way he will ever go back there.
fil puts ketchup all over this and cuts it all up like a big mash-up. gross.
i like to eat as fast as i can and then get the hell out of there, sitting around staring at my empty plate gives me heavy guilt and then i have to watch fil pile ketchup covered toast and eggs and bacon slowly into his mouth drives me crazy.
yesterday afternoon i left fart club and went on a mini-vacation to BURLYngton to see my dad and eat chicken wings and look at wing chairs and go to indigo and watch tv.
i get really agitated on the train i feel like everyone is counting how many times i flick my hair or cross and re-cross and cross my legs. i blew it and sat on the wrong-facing side of the seat too and had to act like i meant to do it and i could see white collar dudes checking me out in the window reflection like they’re all sly or something. i want to say sorry i don’t normally fidget so much you should see me on the couch where there is a normal amount of space to get comfortable in WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME*???
*jennifer love hewitt i know what you did last summer voice.
sighsighsighhhsiiighssigh.
sigh rocky.
i don’t want to make you jealous but we went to burlington mall. it was lame. on our way out i said i have to take my picture in front of this sad mirror and my dad wandered on ahead and this girl was watching me on a bench and she made eye-contact with my dad and they both laughed and she goes oh my sister does this all the time and i walk over and say are you making fun of me little girl? (in perfectly comedic-timed dane cook voice so she wasn’t scared) and she gets a bit nervous and says no and then as we walked away some more i said loud enough (hopefully) for her to hear you know you aren’t supposed to talk to strangers in malls.
i bet her sister doesn’t even have a blog.
the sales guy kind of broke our hearts, my dad picked out two chairs.
crazy lady on my dad’s street.
i <3 m-kate you can't stop me.
fil texted to tell me he had a zit on his face cos i said he better look ugly out on the town w/o me then i picked up my purse from the wrong side it was open and dumped all over the floor. fil‘s zit made art.
this bed is about as wide as a gurney, quite soft though. once i wake up in the morning it is impossible to get back to sleep cos the sun blasts through your brain and eyelids like a suntan bed, so i basically get 5 hours sleep opposed to my usual 20 ha.
rocky kept falling off and was too timid to walk over me so he would walk all the way around instead and then fall off once he got to the part he wanted to snuggle me at.
can you imagine if there were two of me my head hurts just thinking about it, hmm, maybe i would have a million dollar empire like the olsens if so? yeah right we’d be like a barely less shitty than tegan and sara duo.
here’s an interview i did for a paper i’ll tell you of later when it’s published.
What have your experiences been with internet sex-related work?
i was an online “model” for ten months, which means i had a curtained off little room with a bed and computer and remote webcam that i controlled and chatted to lonely persons wearing my underwear, they weren’t wearing my underwear, i was wearing it, and my job was to entice them to take me private, which is buying minutes to have me to themselves for whatever chunk of time they wanted and then they could call in and talk to me and then we would phonesex and they could watch me do my thing, my skin is crawling as i type this right now hahaha.
Is/was online modeling/performing a lucrative business?
yes it was and i imagine still is for the company and the independent contractor, if you work at it.
What measures have you taken in order to market yourself to those who watch you online or read your blog? How did you set yourself apart from others in the same position?
a lot of people like to give me shit and say oh yeah you bloggers and that’s so easy etc, and yeah sure it is, but the thing that sets you apart from the others is your personality and style, how i am on my blog is just a carry-over from how i am in real life, it’s not rocket science, if you are interesting to begin with it will obviously be the same in internet-form. i rely on word-of-mouth as marketing measures, i’m pretty lazy and have been told multiple times that if i did this, or if i did that, the potential goldmine i’m sitting on would whatever blah bla blah. if something is good then it catches on, if it isn’t then it dies. i’ve been doing this since 2000 and people still care for some reason.
How much control do performers/models have when it comes to sex-based entertainment online? What are the pros and cons of freelancing vs. working for somebody?
based on my experience from watching the four different half hour reality porn shows that are on showcase every friday nite i have learned that it is good to be working for someone because like living in a condo or something if something’s broke it gets fixed, if you’re on your own then you have to do it yourself. why do i sound like an irish plumber right now? the con of working for someone is you have to do as you’re told and if you don’t go by the rules you’re out of there, the pro is more exposure and money.
Are spectators generally respectful? Have you ever felt threatened/disgusted/etc. by someone who watched you online, and could you share any interesting experiences you’ve had interacting with “the viewers at home?”
i don’t know if you mean my blog or when i was modelling. generally people are respectful, there are many “flamers” too and stalkers, i have felt threatened sure, i try and watch how i deal with people sometimes you can smell the crazy right from the start while others it can be someone you’ve chatted with here and there for years and then one day out of nowhere the crazy comes out and you’re like oh great they know all my secrets. you have to be careful.
Was it easier to capture peoples’ attention when you began your internet presence as opposed to now? Has internet work, sex-based and otherwise, changed much since you started? And what are your future plans as far as that goes?
in the beginning there was less of a blogging community so less readers, now more people are turning to the internet to pass time so it’s easier. nothing’s really changed other than the emergance of celebrity gossip blog/sites, we are hugely “fascinated” by celebrity more than ever before because of the speedy access of entertainment media the internet gives us. my future plan, well pipedream really, is to be more shallow and exploited and be on one of those ridiculous gossip blogs, i know, sad.
and here we learn just how anal gillian is, who sets a table at 4 in the morning when you’re blasted out of your mind and people are on their way out the door?
here i am having a no pants party by myself.
seriously i got my pants off but everything else i cannot fathom.
next morning, what happened? ok back to party.
remember this guy? apparently my mom accidentally threw these socks in the bag along with five-thousand of the same grandma sweaters she handed-down to me, half of which i brought to gill’s party. my mom asked if i liked any of them, dear mom, you have huge cannons i do not therefore you buy large-sized sweaters, i do not, in fact, i look like a sexless potato with a hunchback when i wear them, stop buying these sweaters and stop giving them to me, you have a problem. these socks were meant for my niece.
i finally cleaned the mirror yesterday (not shown here) fil and i’s mexican stand-off ended and he didn’t even know we were having one ugg MEN! i just caught him “soaking” a pan and exfuckingploded.
yeah yeah blah bla i have skinny legs lets look at them together.
that’s original. fil recently learned that he is 6’4, so he grew an inch. BONER! i like to say that he has a tumour on his pituitary gland like all those really tall people have on the tlc freaks of nature shows. one time he and aimee and i were walking along and he tried to pull the haha you’re short thing on me and asked if i felt left out and tiny i said no, i feel average-height. backfire!
first!
fancy food guilt.
total princess.
i busted britt in a lie she said that dvd just came out and it was difficult to get, my dad already has it and apparently i watched it with him before.
goldfinger guy was crouch-kneeling for a long time and didn’t complain once wtf?
meanwhile brad and i are perched on an ottoman together and i kept telling him to watch it on the snacks, giving skinny people complexes is fun(ny).
hipster ‘cubes?
someone actually asked in my comments what the significance of the map and flags are, seriously, do you want to tell them for me? (not being mean here just sayin’)
stop showin’ me up chinadoll!
nice stoner art you made there gill.
hey are you going to joke night at the drake? ok i’ll catch you at stone’s place later on then, word!
tiffany kept telling me how funny i am all night long so then i couldn’t turn it off GOD!
cliquey girls that talked to me for zero seconds. i left jonathan with them on my way out for a smoke and yelled out to them to ask him why he was wearing sandals so as i was putting on my jacket and hat he is like you fucking bitch pointing at me while getting into story-telling mode for these ladies who were all baked too haha.
i was making my gymnasium floor joke for the thousandth-time on my way out of the bedroom with my coat and cigarette and then extrapolated from that by pretending there were lockers to my left and then i see the girl party and said and then you have your clique of girls and jonathan tried to get me in trouble for it but it of course blew up in his nerd-target face so he had to stand up and talk to them all by himself, halfway through his pathetic diet pepsi black toe story the music turned off ahahahahahahAHAHAHA.
k now pose.
pose.
stop flirting.
stop telling people you are annexing my hat it’s not going to happen.
nice to see that ours is not the only skiddy mirror in toronto. ok now onto UK scrapbook II.
wedding confetti from when george harrison was on our campus.
look i said omg first!
awesome castle.
partied here too.
got jostled around a lot in shakespeare’s house by rude tourists.
this should just be called my garbage collection book.
sinfully delicious.
some guy me and this girl took turns making out with on the dark dancefloor of that eurotrash club equinox, then out in the light realised he was only 18, and here i thought he was at LEAST 25.
to see brands you’ve never seen before is like seeing commericals in other countries, and the word florida in england, boggling. wow what a scholar.
there was a renaissance fair going on when we were there.
more graphic than ours back home why am i turned on right now?
yep mick jagger’s son did go to this school, st. edward’s aka teddy’s.
i wonder who did most of the work?
hahaha.
that looks like boy writing.
das ketchup would be a cool band name.
funny coincidence this teacher lived above me when i moved to the crawford ghetto at 19 and he came to some of our gong show parties too.
more sara drawings which reminds me i have to find her on facebook, i hope she’s a famous illustrator by now. she let me borrow her id for the rest of the trip (she was 18) and i mailed it once i got back to canada. this goth bitch stole my fake id and said she gave it back to me, left it on my bed, she did NOT. one time during dinner when she was in the caf i ransacked her entire room (didn’t have locks on the door) but i never found it. she was adopted into the family of one of the dudes who invented trivial pursuit. if you know her tell her what’s up? she was from stratford, ontario.
these dorks got lost on our way to a house party by these american dudes we met, guess who came to the rescue?
i brought my um, uh, red rocket vibe with me and all the girls wanted to “borrow it” just to “see it” i swear. after the program was over i stayed on for two more weeks with friends of family and started to panic about my suitcase being checked on the flight home and how humiliated i would be, so i threw it in a garbage can in rayne’s park on my way out to buy brie one day. L-O-S-E-R.
worst haircut of my life.
these were in the back of my scrapbook, for safe-keeping? yes that is me as a baby.
felting all day long today sorry bros, my back is killing me, i sit hunched over on the edge of the couch and think up personality traits for little felt guys and wonder if i will ever grow up. i’m almost finished working on one kind of based on this except cooler, cooler as in more retarded.
i don’t know what his name is yet but i know he bankrupted his family from his gambling addiction.
we did not go out at all yesterday. i didn’t shower either. we had maple bacon w/ eggs and toast for dinner and a caesar, all day long i fantasized about it then i made it too spicy and could only drink half. sigh.
fil left the bacon grease out during the nite and cid ate it. fil discovered it this morning then licked it and said i understand why he did this.
the party continues this is my i can’t believe how incredibly wasted i am face no wait yes i can.
last dance move of the nite (morning 4am) staying alive and also an example of the raymi not inhaling that bag of chips on the floor behind me diet.
see? collecting knick knacks is barely a hair away from mental illness, and i know this because i have fifty-thousand various collected items.
does a double rock on! cancel itself out?
gill actually put on a little robe thing to clean up a broken glass.
my pillow.
ok so this is how it started and i noticed jonathan at this party, i was pointing at claire and mouthing the a-ok with hand action as well regarding her outfit and then retardface beside her is like hey thank you and points at himself and then down at his feet.
look at these people totally uninterested in my jovial banter i have absolutely no idea why.
we ignored the sex and the city charades party taking place in the kitchen urrea ( i know!) and watched this guy, i need to get it for my dad if he doesn’t already have it.
i wish cid wasn’t such a selfish christmas tree attacking monster so we could have some christmas over here too.
the comedy just writes itself. don’t worry i made fun of them a lot from across the room and even got other people in on it too. mostly we just stood and stared at them aghast at what was unfolding before us. dude with the cards i asked him who won he said he did, oh you don’t say! i kept a straight face thank god. i told brad they are probably millionaires and i am blowing some future opportunity by opening my big mouth and firing off stupid jokes five feet away from them.
i like how i make fun of people for basically similar shit i would do myself.
do you ever go to a party (probably not you are a socially-inept shy nervous internet-addict) that has nice snacks and stuff and feel like you don’t deserve any of it and have tiny guilt feelings everytime you look at the food and calculate in your head how much money was spent on a jerk like you while you are stuffing it all in your mouth when really it is because people like to entertain and impress and it actually has nothing to do with you at all but you still can’t help but feel guilty anyway?
