Ryan: did you blog anything funny what’s a blood empire
hey guess what look at the clot that came out of me WE MADE THAT!
i am a super human composite of all the womens from now and then + friend green tomatoes and hope floats.
he is the baldest most obnoxious dude of the three so it is no wonder his girlfriend is like GO OUT.
um sorry new york isn’t one crack den street after another anymore like in the good old 80s or would you perhaps be satisfied with a new jack city vibe, maybe? i tried to tell her that actually i use to live in brooklyn but she kept going on about everything being different now yeah it’s called PROGRESS.
like the old people in big top pee wee when pee wee feeds them his magic hot dogs and they turn into kids and go to the circus the end
last nite two chiefs at the horseshoe told me that my utility belt was showing then i said I KNOW THAT’S BECAUSE I AM COOL and then they fainted cos i talked to them.
how come old people get to bend the rules? i’m taking back youth, dudes, don’t worry.
i had a four person table to myself which was nice until a slew of whimsical annex fuckfaces came in the door and told stories to each other loudly while i was finishing my meal and reading a homosexual crime novel
i am so bagged today was over the top exhausting and irritating i have zero energy to share my tale but oh look i have blond highlights now.
i can’t believe i was away from the internet all day i got jamie and leslie to text me pictures of britney spears while i was drinking cup after cup of water in that little booth (i am going to tmz.com the second after i publish this post) oh look here i am telling my stories when i have no energy (everyone was rude to me there basically and i didn’t even get my kidney checked cos it wasn’t ticked off on the requisition form, i did get internally vagina probed though YAY!)
me and fil went for chinese food then to the crooked star to suss out the walls and take pictures to decide which paintings will go where (***remember i have an art show next week tuesday nite january 8 starting at 7 bla bla lblalblalh), this nice woman is going to do snacks for me for 50 bones that’s a relief so you have to come eat them, she wants to know how many people are going to come i said i don’t know and started crying. kidding. tell me if you plan on coming in my comments please and then you can all say hi to each other and make friends.
eye weekly is going to interview me and it will be online monday i think so hopefully that will bring out more and shedoesthecity mentioned it in their newsletter oh and my chevy chase chin zit wrote about it on his blog so that’s good too. i am going to put together a flyer and stick one up on the corkboard at the crooked star tomorrow i can’t believe i spaced on doing that.
bye dark hair.
i bought sticky-tac and little notecards to write things about my paintings on and then i have to decide how i am going to price them, the crazy saddam one is already sold sheena bought it so i guess i have to buy a pack of red dots just so i can stick one up beside it i wish i still had those zit stickers from my girl talk game.
i’m working on a couple new pieces and adding finishing touches to others my hair is going to be white by the end of the weekend i want to run through a fucking labryinth of glass windows and just fucking explode through them face first right now.
i have 25 minutes to consume until i have to fast before my ultrasound tomorrow
also just saying
update: ok i just did hit me with your best shot with the wireless guitar (97%) HOLY SMOOTH and sorry i have to go up to the fucking penthouse floor in our bulding now to do my next song cos i am ruler of the universe DEAL WITH IT!
double update i just looked in the mirror and my chevy chase chin zit is out of control holy crap come over and look at it it’s that mental i don’t remember dipping my chin in deep fryer grease what the hell?
triple update me and fil are already fighting over this fucking game he is SO SELFISH I AM LIVING WITH A 6 YEAR OLD he is doing the encore from the first 4 song round i only got to do one song how is this fair get ready for 500 more guitar hero 3 blog posts oh man how is my blog/life different than a 17 yr. old’s? it isn’t.
quadruple update
ok we’re cool now i just got 99% on school’s out.
nice.
i’m a gypsy now.
yeah fuck the local children, they can fix their own goddamn toys.
no that’s not chevy chase chin (more than i already have at least) it’s a new zit! YAY!
stop the world i’m so arty right now.
i’m not holding him against his will he came to me.
i can’t stop laughing at this one.
we saw sharpie and samir at the victory last nite, they were very excited to see us.
they took the only thing i ever ordered off the menu! (grilled calamari greek salad) so i ordered a veggie burger (trying to be as skeleton as possible for my art show next week) (JANUARY 8 AT THE CROOKED STAR 202 OSSINGTON AVE. 7PM) (this post needs more brackets) which took an hour to arrive because at first they brought out a meat burger, ungh. anyway i should have just eaten the meat burger, the veggie burger at the victory is uhhm, interesting.
the caesar salad dressing is different now, better i think, more garlic/anchovy-tasting, less creamy, perfecto. samir took this picture.
so monday nite when fil came home (wasted) after i was done making fun of him we were in bed watching tv and he smelled my arm and detected a new scent (i sprayed chanel all over myself when christie and i went to shoppers) and decided i cheated on him (half-jokingly) which then backfired on hisself cos then every manner in which i laughed, responded, replied to his (joking right?) accusations made him more certain (paranoid), like, the fact that i didn’t have any picture of christie and me eating dinner on my camera (we looked old and tired and fat and ugly) or in the morning when he got up for work he noticed two chocolates chritie left by my laptop.
so what i have learned from this is, if you are going to cheat, don’t spray GIRL perfume on your arm at shopper’s drugmart and if there are chocolates by your computer, EAT THEM.
i also said if i was going to do it with some guy would i not shower before and/or afterward!? drunk fil rules.
yes because my signature move of seduction and way to impress when i get down is drugstore perfume sampling.
ps. these beige underwears are the best ever i have been wearing them two days in a row now and no that’s not gross cos when you are wearing a tampon you can rock underwear days on end um ok that does sound a bit much.
anyway i can’t wait til summer to wear them on a beach if they haven’t fallen apart by then.
i watched meet the robinsons with christie after we had dinner at the green room even though i’m technically not supposed to eat there anymore, fil went to the leafs game with pitt and i forbode him to go for a post-game drink at the loose moose, it’s this close to a hooters by now, the slutty inch-thick-makeup-cake-faced waitresses audaciously flirt with all the men who drink there in front of me, even fil, especially fil, i can only imagine what it is like when i am not there shooting daggers at their fucking heads.
i fucking hate that, don’t make me pretend what’s happening right in front of me isn’t happening right in front of me so that some jerkoff in the back won’t spit in my friend’s onion rings and don’t sit at our table either unless you want a scene, cos i’ll make one, you work in a sports bar, you aren’t in a besuty pageant, stop smiling at me.
it’s best to not go there at all.
am i right.
i’m right.
until there are bar equivalents to that for chicks you’re going elsewhere, which is what they did, they went to lonestar and it was dead.
