*i just realised i have a plus one for this party someone be my date you have til 6.30 to let me know!*
a pair of winter tights i was planning my outfit around for tonite are too small i am psychotically pissed off a little bit miffed and now i have to come up with some other stupid outfit to feel insecure in. they don’t go up high enough in the crotch, note to self YOUR LEGS ARE TOO LONG FOR A SIZE MEDIUM NO MATTER HOW SKINNY THEY ARE YOU ARE NOT A MEDIUM STOP BUYING MEDIUMS. steph your christmas present from me this year is a pair of black subtly argyle printed tights with some cat hair from cid, ho ho ho.
i have oprah on right now it’s the repeat of the sex and the city cast episode how fucking fascinating. still haven’t seen this totally predictable piece of cinematic drivel but i plan to just so i have more material to complain about. maybe i will “live” “blog” it from sass‘ couch.
guess what there’s more laundry nemesis ONLY FRIEND breakthrough news! i asked if she went to the christmas party and she said no she doesn’t live here (finally got it out of her) and that she wasn’t invited to which i made a frowny-face and said oh we didn’t go either then she said she went to a BETTER party at casino niagara and won five-hundred dollars and everything was paid for it was her birthday (i think whoever she works for in this building paid for her to go) and i reacted very enthusiastically and wished her happy birthday a couple times and said good for you! before all this she said i looked very summery. guys i think i am this close to hugging her please stop me. i wonder if she thinks about me. hahhahahahaha. or looks forward to the one day a week i do laundry.
i have decided to part my bangs pre-sarah palin days and they are so driving me bananananas!
ok dr. phil is on, you are kind of a big heel if you watch this shit and i cannot like you, at all, big deal breaker sorry. there are way too many reasons to list why dr. phil should dr. fuck himself (ps. I personally coin-phrased that term when i was manic) but i will give you one for now – his marriage failed and he gives advice to married couples and they keep going on the show for more of this marriage advice. ok one more reason why he can lick my bag (before the marriage failed) is he yells and points at people when he is delivering this “advice” as if it is law. like yeah great you’re profiting from the exploitation of stupid people and stupid people require advice to be yelled at them but still, YOU’RE ANNOYING ME DR. PHIL! and why do you come on before AND after oprah? ONCE IS ENOUGH! and why do you sit in those high chairs do you know how uncomfortable that makes me, i am nervous for your life when i see you in that high chair and i hate you don’t make me feel feelings for you! those chairs belong in bars only, like the keg where douche yuppies drink stupid drinks until their spirits break GOD!
and now i will plan something stupid to wear thank you for wasting my time.
ok wait i am too annoyed and involved in the saga what is this couple’s marriage to go away yet. wife (female) dresses in drag for fun and goes out. square husband does not jive with this, he just said he does not like gay things, gay culture (ugh). here is my marriage advice that dr. phil is not saying but should: GET A DIVORCE. he says it “hurts” him and is disgusted by it (someone punch his face off) she won’t stop (and why should she?)(her outfits are totally tame too!) so why are you even together in the first place. i swear, stupid people, stupid show if you are watching it right now you are dead to me.
first we shall begin with dance pictures because they are my favourite, and i only ripped the photos with me in them OBVIOUSLY.
nice tan sharpie! ahh my fryes first time out, my feet were seriously tortured by the end of the nite. i blame sean paul, MIA and beyonce.
seriously, did your body look like that (connie’s) two months after giving birth? ok now look at me MEMEEMME! ME!
duncan rules. i wonder what song i am pretending to know the words to. ainsley’s dress is so fab.
remember i costume-changed? before that connie and i were dress twins, except hers was shorter and her rack exploded out all hot and mine modestly took the back seat AS UJE.
click to enlarge. i would just not leave connie and seb alone haha. this particular dance move i call LONELY DESPERATION.
oh betty <3 i know you can't help it i'm so huggable look at me don't you just want to squeeze me til i barf?
my first move with audrey was to dance around her like a carousel while she stood all tall and still i thought maybe i could distract the universe from the fact that i am not a model by trotting in a circle around one? anyway look how nerdy my face his HI GUISE THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY BOOK CLUB! DID YOU GET TO CHAPTER TEN THIS WEEK?
waiting in line for food i was so hungry and our table went last cos we were all dumb and drunk and lazy and talking too much i think.
spenny was my dinner date and would not shut up about anything, he tried to debate me on sarah palin (digs her), religion, and other shit ugh, i said i was not able to properly throw down due to my chill pill cocktail then i gave him one to get him to shut up haha while kenny was at the table behind me going oh man i’m SO SORRY RAYMI, so funny (ps great speech k). i actually was fine with spenny and quite amused, he is still looking for a girlfriend so if you are exactly like me send me an email and you can go on a date with him.
HUGE billable hours fan this guy is i can’t even make words happen around robin (who also starred in samir’s movie) the first time i met her she said i was really pretty and i practically fainted.
did anyone take this guy home? *UPDATE* someone did! a dude named jubal brown, his painting is up and to the right of mine. wicked!
Jubal Brown is a video producer and multi-media artist based in Toronto, Canada who gained notoriety in 1996 when he deliberately vomited in color on paintings at the Museum of Modern Art in New York and the Art Gallery of Ontario in Toronto.
guy is currently playing quantum of solace while i am currently drinking sake of solace.
here look at this thing, it is an extremely big deal at my nana and papa’s house, i’m pretty sure i stole it from some place as a kid, someone’s tree maybe? shut up i was 4. this little mouse comes out every year and lives in the christmas umbrella stand’s branches and i search all over til i find it and sometimes if i don’t see it immediately i scream out EXCUSE ME NANA WHERE IS THE MOUSE I GAVE YOU!? like i created jingle bells then nana scurries over and makes a big deal of searching for it with me. on our way there today my mom told me about how the mouse was brought out and i was like GOO-OOOD! in my not another teen movie attitude voice.
like sorry i burdened you with this cutest most retarded thing ever gift when i was a little kid but you’re just going to have to deal ok!
oh and i made this original piece of shit when i was a kid too, it also lives with the mouse I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT MOUSE EVER GETS LOST I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.
oh and remember this story? well i found the heart shaped tooth fairy pillow in my nana’s basement hanging off an old shelf of mine.
can you believe i shoved twenties in that teeny pocket and hung it up from the dry cleaner’s coat hanger in the car?
funny in a way that it is so NOT a funny story actually, for this guy, but it has a happy ending at least THANK THE FUCK THAT SHIT COMES FROM!
so basically for the past month i’ve been thinking i have JAUNDICE. i know right. at my last physical it came up in my pee test, i was also on my period (when am i not?) and was out late drinking late the nite before so my doctor wasn’t concerned, my eyes aren’t/weren’t yellow nor skin (seriously JAUNDICE ARE YOU KIDDING ME!) so she did not send me straight to a hospital, she did blood work and said she would not call me if it came back fine and dandy. so she didn’t call me for a month, but did that make me NOT think about my jaundiced liver for the past month? AH-FUCK no on that. do you know how many times i have stared at my eyeballs in the mirror over the past month and festered on this rich piece of juicy information from you dweebs? i did not tell my mom because she already nags me enough, i did not tell my dad (hi dad) for obvs reasons, or brother cos he would immediately tell my parents duh and i didn’t tell you cos holy crap, blog jokes forever right.
anyway, i went in today to find out my results and guess what? PERFECTO PREP. even my b12 is normal and that never ever happens. so how the hell did being halfway through my period and sucking back vodka sodas til 1am make jaundice appear in my urine?
oh who cares, i don’t have it so now it’s miller time.
ps. DO NOT wikipedia jaundice if your doctor says you might have it because you will then decide that you have every letter of the hepatitis alphabet too. every tiny pain in my stomach for the past month oh you better believe it was the JAUNDICE MONSTER and oh what fun its been.
GO TO SWITCH CONTEMPORARY TONITE MAYBE YOU WILL WIN MY PAINTING OF ME HUMPING HELLO KITTY OR SOMETHING EVEN BETTER AND YOU CAN SEE ZEESY BEAMED IN LIVE FROM JAPAN!
Zeesy Powers Live From Japan
Switch Contemporary, 2217 Dundas St. W.
8 P.M.-11 P.M.
So, I am in Japan doing a 7 month artists residency at CCA Kitakyushu, and I’ve run out of money, it’s a great program in a well-respected international institution (see kitakyushu.org and judge for yourself), but there are no grants for 7 month artists residencies in Canada. Anyhow, my amazing friends are running an amazing fundraiser for me at Switch Contemporary, and you should be there and bring your money.
Performances by Laura McCoy, Trudy Poot and Her Plurals, Darrah Teitel, a puppet show, and Live from Japan via interning and There will also be an art auction, featuring work by Yuula Benivolski, Xenia Benivolski, Jubal Brown, Lillian Chan, Amy C Lam, Elle McLaughlin, Tina Ratface, Simone Schmidt, Fiona Smyth, Nikki Woolsey, Zeesy Powers and more!
DON’T MISS THIS, I DON’T HAVE A TICKET HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
