we were so ripped by the time we left the legion hall we thought the moon was actually moving at this speed, not the clouds, pretty funny. looked even faster through drunk eyes of course. it felt like being on a different planet insert poetic science fiction metaphor here. this was immediately after i gonged the navy bell ran out the door and pissed everybody off then was greeted by the others standing stock still looking up at the sky and was like woah, sobering. NOT FOR LONG THOUGH HYUCK!
unfortunately this photo does not properly capture the magic of my limbo.
errg i wish these were better quality, anyway, natural on the mic all i gotta say.
oops who put that there? itchy stitches i keep forgetting they’re there and go to town on my cyst scratching away then am all oh yeah, anyway, two weeks wait for results, i’m not worried so don’t worry, i just hope this thing doesn’t get infected from my own stupidity.
this beavis keychain is a relic he’s been around since i was 13, 14? i was cooler than you.
coug jungle party, went to sharkey’s with my dad and bro and man have they ever gotten a raw deal with that new location eh, serves ‘em right i say. their closing party many years ago turned fil and i away and fil yelled in the monkey bouncer’s face they would never get our business ever again then we marched back over the bridge to our regular pub, fil was fully steamed. who does that, yeah i know you can’t tell one customer from the next but still, many years patronage then a slap in the face like that fuck you and your exclusive douche party your new restaurant looks like the keg, same shit, same shitty waitresses all in black wearing more makeup than me, stepford wives in training and aging sausage trench coat party at the bar, b-o-r-i-n-g.
there was an annoying blabbermouth wino sitting behind us too and i wrote about that in the comment card that came with the bill, chill ok i gave the waitress a shining review.
i got busted with my camera out i wonder if that made the dermatologist paranoid like, why is some chick taking pictures of her cyst, legal purposes? jokes on you brah, it’s for my shitty blog.
omg go away nerds.
so kevin smith has been here for the last 4 days (?) circle-jerking with his fans to his movies, why?
we walked on the same side of the street once i took these so i could eyeball everyone, yes i am the rain who has come to your parade. sorry guys, clerks, NOT FUNNY. it’s a movie for dumb people to feel intellectual by. here i don’t have the patience right now to go tooling through my archives to find the ultimate reason why i do not like kevin smith, it’s like how the rest of the country hates toronto but doesn’t know why (geniuses) they just DO, akin to that except i have reasons on top of JUST DO. say i wrote a movie and then made every single character in that movie EXACTLY LIKE MY BIG FAT PRETENTIOUS MOUTHED SELF i could pretty much rely on every single kevin smith fan to love it.
moving on, i bought fil a new camera strap for his microwave no camera duh, finally, and i already blew the secret anyway it’s for valentine’s day. he needed a new one cos his other one has canon all over it and it looks nerdy. the kid who “helped” me at henry’s had the personality of a lobotomized teenager trolling myspace, my dad cracked some dad jokes and the kid was not for it. the cashier girl was super nice to me and said he never shows emotion i said well that must be really fun for you and maybe he should work on that. she gave me a student discount and complimented my jacket.
hey dudes how’s it goin’?
my computer has a nasty virus, thank you fuckstain!
we brought that big chocolate bar and the bag of smoked meat beside it from the RACIST grocery mart. (relax relax i get it ok can we all be friends now?)
this is a serious print.
‘s’s’s”s’s’s”s’s’s GET IT RIGHT ASSHOLE NO APOSTROPHE REQUIRED
RIP pretty tights pun infuckingtended man i’m in a good mood today!
err no thanks.
sophie my love.
on my way for a little biopsyeroo for that thing growing on my shoulder, the fun never ends yeah?
i could really go for a negro about now (actually not a fan of black licorice at all and no that does not make me a racist) err so like the only safe black metaphor you could come up with was a mary poppins chimney sweep reference? we get it Czechoslovakia, you are racially ignorant insensitive but like, really? there are other words for black in the english dictionary.
yes exactly RELAX everyone cos more races have been targeted to stereotype not just black people take our little drunk irish friend here check him out, he’s chillin’ all gingered and freckled and in case it wasn’t clear there’s that GREEN shamrock shirt and the pint of beer in his hand and he’s clicking his heels like oh hummm hmmmm who would do that? oh a leprechaun that’s right but whatever the fuck that all has to do with these shitty little candies is beyond me.
LOVE MOM
ps. ladies look, housework is good and fun and makes you happy, proof!
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MY FACE LOOKS LIKE WHEN THE VACUUM COMES OUT.
ok so we have our racism and sexism bases covered, what other isms are left? marx? haha right i’ll get on that.
i wonder how many photos there are of me digging through my money purse for drink money probably like infinity.
so the legion eh, the burlington legion, interesting nite that was. have you ever been stared at by a lady, dr. evil style type lady folded arms ‘cross her chest at a legion hall in burlington? well i have. have you been stared at by three others just like her sitting down at their round table glowering at all the fun people infiltrating their precious hall (these rented out parties are necessary to keep their legion afloat cos they can’t afford it otherwise so stop scowling basically, we should be hugging) and then they get their one old man friend (seriously relax guy don’t have a heart attack please) to be the bearer of the no drinks on the dance floor news, honestly? how does one person holding a beer on the other side of the room burn you up so much? i felt like i was glimpsing into my future, gotta lay off the bitterness a tad or my face will look like that some day. i bet they liked it when we did the limbo or when tarley and i danced to peggy sue and during the guitar solo he picked me up in his arms and spun me around in one hundred circles, i bet they liked my underwear.
you can see the dr. evil lady in the background of this video by the pool table, after they were finished dancing she clapped, ok so you were experiencing joy whilst watching this line-dance routine but your body language was all wrong. so sad.
anyway, this other table of ladies were my favourite cos they had SERIOUS hairdos like saturday nite fuckin’ dos and they clapped ALL NITE LONG and line-danced and when things got slutty (me) on the dance floor they were into it. i have more opinions to share once they come back to me. oh yeah the bartender was a dick but i could tell he was just in character cos we broke him a few times. i didn’t wear any of my crazy dresses just my regular little AA number and i’m glad cos it got pretty sweaty.
oh and i helped on the mic during the raffle so it made me think that maybe i do have the balls to one day do stand-up and it’s not just the delusional talking here, i’m kind of a natural when it comes to addressing large groups of people i just let the neurotic take over sometimes and forget that.
the hired “dj” “performer” was 4 feet tall and barely knew any songs, had no lyric sheet and he was dressed like a pirate/magician i wonder how much he gets paid (dad call the legion!). the table of ladies i liked were his buddies. the manager/owner of the hall got right ripped and was awesome, you know old guy sleaze party down awesome. i’m pretty sure we made his nite.
pictures of this gong show to come speaking of there’s a huge navy bell at the door and if any drunk rings it you’re supposed to buy everyone drinks. i banged it twice to piss everyone off, the second time being on our way out then i ran off screaming BYE GUYS! and could hear everyone groaning and being scared by the crotchety biddies as i exploded out the doors safe into the nite. DON’T HAVE A BELL BY THE DOOR HELLO THINK PEOPLE!
is this real?
tara the bear and i are in love. LOVE I SAY.
hey y’all didn’t know we was to be spendin’ the nite in them there sticks so sorry haven’t said a good ole hello yet today, so, hello. time for hangover chinese, lost and shandy apricot ales mmmm. kiss kiss hug hug your pal raymi. o_0
don’t ask.
i just realised that whatever scar tissue red hot chili peppers video totally ripped this off albeit more of a pantywaisted version thereof and if you know me you are aware of my disdain for all things red and hot and chili and peppers. i think i prefer the censored version of this video where at the end she just disappears into nothing all emo-like in lieu of the ridiculous flopping over the van and hitting the pavement. grand turismo was the soundtrack to my seventeen year old bad girl days as was abba gold.
this is the little lamb thing i ripped off yesterday except it (mine) looks way more stupid look at that guy i just want to punch the arrogant fancy free right out of his dickhead face. i am so mad at myself for trying to recreate that little asshole on canvas actually it’s kinda hilarious to me looking up at it on the wall right now hahahahhaa. yeah i so can’t wait to paint it thanks winter for zapping all my braincells and overall desire to achieve.
ps. do you guys think i’m gay for putting JLo’s (glow after dark) sparkle lotion on my tattoo? blink once for yes. this guy at a pretentious art gallery in the distillery after complimenting my necklace (“it looks so antique!”) was like wow AND there are SPARKLES in your tattoo!? no, i just PUT sparkle lotion on it thanks bye.
i’m like, one thousand per cent sure fil’s mom santa bought it for 99 cents at liquidation world so don’t judge me ha right for all the things to judge me on DON’T go there. i’ll keep you posted if anyone notices today.
check out what this oh so enlightened pioneer had to say about my blog. did i go to art school? way to do all of two seconds worth of research before opening your stupid fucking mouth you ignorant child.
remedyvisual
Oh god, I met a billion clones of this girl and her friends in school. (Yes, it was a big school. Art school is a ponzi scheme for separating bored rich kids from their trust funds and credulous poor kids from their student loans. I can’t wait to get in on the scam!)
Also they are all over Toronto shopping at the same handful of stores and talking nonstop about cheap clothes and their psychiatric meds and doing deliberately childish looking art so they can’t fail.
I think there is an industrial farm someplace growing these kids in pods or possibly hatching them nonstop from eggs laid by some sort of grotesquely overgrown Queen Scenester in an underground lair. I wonder how much it would cost to hire Sigourney Weaver to shave her head and grab a flamethrower and thin the herd out a bit?
nice hair, douche.
holy write-off day much i didn’t accomplish one solid thing i set out to do today other than take a s*** and draw a crappy picture of a lamb ok there i just had some yogurt. i’ve also been emailing an old friend photos of school peers from facebook and we’ve been in our humble opinioning each one appropriately so that’s taken a little out of me. tough work man looking at all those tired faces fucking exhausted me.
we are going to a stag and doe tomorrow at a legion hall in the burbs, i am trying to figure out what outfit would be the most annoying and just how uncomfortable i can make everybody around me if i am dressed like a sofa, or a pour some crazy on me wedding dress-looking thing obviously i have dresses on the noggin’ sorry. (not)
don’t you agree the bride-to-be would super appreciate this outfit at her party?
AHHAHAHA
fil went for a long lunch with an old friend of his i bet he’s buzzed right now.
ok what else right so like, seriously, what should i wear tomorrow? prairie dress or barbie dress?
DOUCHE AWARD GOES TO THAT GUY! he was boppin’ away to some super ungood beats it made my heart sad.
as did the following…
there are SO many snowed-in bikes in the city um, why, how smart are you guys did you lock it up and then go to a never-ending sleep over or something?
these made our hearts VERY glad.
shut up brad just go into your little mural la la land and fuck off this was funny supreme at the time, anything rules in comparison to a crappy party, brad said lets chalk it up to a “new experience” and left it at that.
