i am malcolm x. that’s my scrapbook from england. lotsa winners in there. including james jagger’s (yes mick jagger’s son) german assignment drawings. he went to the school i went to in oxford.
was only going to go for ONE drink and then meet up with the hair babes at brassai but got shitfucked instead all nite. mer and steph showed up and we dance partied. scott was playing great music and the few songs i requested he played and brought the party up more more more. by the time whitney’s wanna dance with somebody jam came on, perfectly timed, people lost their fucking miiiinds. i give myself a 9/10 for dance moves.
trish scolded me for biking listening to music. blew past her two nites ago, she and her pals were screaming my name (love it!) and i didn’t hear. then i got home and all my texts bounced back so i guess that late nite jam wasn’t mean to be. check out her coffee stained cards this saturday at the parkdale bazaar, this girl’s a talent.
i have zero patience i am totally on my period totally not pregnant (thanks mom) totally totally totally done staring at the flickr % number get higher in slow motion. bleh. last nite i went to ultra for my very first time. it was pretty much exactly as i expected it to be except better maybe. better because i got to mooch off my new friends’ bottle service perch, and cupcakes. bottle service can be deadly cos you’re essentially drinking goblets of vodka. the ratio is like 3:1 vodka for the lead.
here i am with my other new friend, a bag of cheeseburger doritos. it’s the willy wonka of flavours. when violet beauregarde has that gum she can taste the soup pouring down her throat. the distinct flavour of relish and ketchup and whopper and mayo all that can be detected. doritos’ best flavour yet i hope it sticks around long enough for when i’m skeletor later down the road i intend to eat a big bag like a roast beef dinner and chase it down with some OE and a massive blunt cos i ghetto like that.
just let me get these boring body photos out of the way then we’ll get on to the better stuff. flickr was not co-operating yesterday when i was being conceited over my last post so these are the leftovers. i am really glad i started working out again its done wonders for my spirit. i biked/trecked across the city hmm lets see, from ginger’s where i crashed one way then biked to gym then home then to work then home again then to ultra then home again. i feel like i could totally be a bike courier, i motor pretty good, i ride my grandpa’s bike like it’s a courier bike and i see looks on the faces of members of the courier cliques like they’re all impressed.
i’m worried about winter and how i’ll get my fix then. i’ll have to join the gym in liberty village cos there is no way i’m biking to yonge street from parkdale in a blizzard. i’ll worry about it when the time comes. my body weight fluctuation has a pattern i feel. this time last year, well in september really, is when i joined my gym. i got ripped for a month then i moved to burlington once we split up and stopped working out but was able to maintain my figure. though i think that has a lot to do with the stress of the time as well as drinking less and taking up weed. hopefully metabolism bounces back once summer is over. hopefully i will get a lobotomy and stop worrying and blogging about this sometime, like, ever.
these are my new friends, courteney and jeannine the girl who gave me a brainer aka a super. i dunno why but i’m always slightly shocked when girls like me. like of course you should like me i am awesome but you know, it’s so much easier to be mean so i really admire kindness to dopes like me.
back to this bliss. i may or may not have polished off the last swig straight from the bottle. pure class. no point in pouring out a dollop into another glass.
i looked like a total potato, menses bloated but under there is a four-pack. beast says i am ectomorphic. doesn’t take long to get me in shape. Ectomorphic: characterized by long and thin muscles/limbs and low fat storage; receding chin, usually referred to as slim. consult the almighty wikipedia.
the olympus made it so for the first time in years there were more photos of others than of myself. i already have to give it back too i am fucking bummed and angry but i’ll get it back. i guess serves me right for waiting so long to start using it. maybe i’ll just go buy a new camera? no no no i already need a laptop that is priority one i cannot believe i don’t have a laptop sponsorship. you guys are fucking stupid and i hate you thanks for nothing.
to say we got a lot of attention this weekend would be an understatement. you should always somewhat co-ordinate outfits if you’re going out as a pack (of slut wolves) you’ll have so much more fun and you can fuck with people. the celebrity bug starts small then it takes on this crazy powerful form all its own, especially during a time when people are kind of looking out for famous people? like film fest week in toronto, rubbernecked like crazy in yorkville meanwhile you’re just carting crap around from whole foods STOP LOOKING AT ME YOU TOURIST! woah the coffee is strong today. i am also getting rickets from lying down in the same position for hours typing and emailing also maybe from all that biking and working out yesterday AND working AND dancing. i am a machine.
oh my god i love tourist watching and husbands with wives (WHO MIGHT BE BUMMED ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGES OMG BLOG FIGHT! CATTLE!) walking around in circles and bad outfits.
bailed on this place. line-ups i don’t do ‘em. the next place we went to the hostess was a total cunt. yeah you’re strung out stressed for the weekend but here’s the thing, if you work in the hospitality industry TRY FUCKING BEIN’ HOSPITABLE! so rude. and then they denied casie‘s photo id, well, were on the fence about it i coulda smooth-talked it into happening but decided you know what, you don’t deserve our money or coverage, you deserve your deep-set stress wrinkle line face to get even more tanned and leathery for next season until they fire you over being rude to every single gaggle of chicks who arrive without a reservation, the audacity. half the restaurant was dead in there, we could have sat at the bar. you made a stink about a reservation like a ridiculous cliche get the fuck over yourself. i could feel carly‘s blood boiling from behind me. i know we were being base-judged on how we looked. people-intuition is my thing, maybe more so than writing (debatable i don’t care i can write circles around you if need be) and i know i judge people like crazy but i’m certainly not blatantly upfront rude to their faces about it. sure yeah we looked like goofs but for all she knows we’re toronto’s media swooping in to show everyone how much of a good time we’re gonna be having in collingwood, and guess what we WERE so, way to blow it stupid restaurant i already forget the name of.
see how much of an amazon i am compared to these twerps? see how much i am ignoring my surroundings completely? actually i’m checking my bb for the photo that was just taken of us on it to tweet or preparing it for a photo to be taken to tweet. rinse and repeat 400000 times and jonathan blasting his head off with irritation. whatever guy, i’m working.
yup still ignoring. i love it when someone in your vicinity finally has the snark on ‘em to quip about all the photowhoring. i clear my throat and haughtily (justifiably so) retort, SHE’S WORKING. or I’M WORKING. then they shut up and i give them my card. it’s true. photos don’t take them fucking selves you know.
yes this is good enough for me, everyone it’s ok, we can drink this. haha i love pretentious wine-sampling as if you can turn down the bottle. awkward.
can you imagine if i wore my denim onesie too? i feel like the nite would have turned out differently. do you ever feel that way about certain ensembles you wear? like if you wore the baby doll dress rather than the paintsuit, maybe that bro wouldn’t have spoken to you?
holy shit dynamite asstock. i will be arrogant about my ass until the day it drops which will be never ever ever. good genes i got. ass tan lines maintained year round fyi. oh my god when is this post over i wanted to work out today looks like i’m out of time.
casie and i’s famous pose. there are tons of photos of us since the day we first met talking to each other like this. if a spazz falls in the woods and another spazz is spazzing around how long before one’s heart explodes from adrenaline speed talking?
starbuck’s run. a girl with no shoes on (how do you lose shoes in that village wtf were you up to??) and mascara cry face came in with a friend wasted and sat down. very trainwrecky. casie and i looked at each other knowingly and whispered ok lets not be that this weekend hahahhahaa aw. i don’t think any of us cried once so that’s a win for sure.
i love o’nizzle. she’s 3 years younger, into bright shiny things like me and cos she’s younger more impulsive so she got to be bad guy and took a handful of these straws THAT WE NEEDED DON’T QUESTION IT BIPOLAR NEED THE END.
that guy seriously lectured her about it too. oh fuck off dude do you really want those straws back? we spent 50 bucks here now eat it who are you the mayor of straws?
slept in my extensions from beerfest nite. totally hot and greasy. whateverrrr. casie has the same shoes as me and the same bed. casie casie casie EXPLOSION.
i wanted all the suits organized like how backstage burlesque outfits are all laid out (ps that’s on hold for me for now if you were wondering i was just trying to manage too many things and i couldn’t kick my awful funk) they just look so nice photographed that way.
wearing my old standby black reversible i bought in LA. when that thing dies i will be so sad. i should replace it now before too late. i work out in it too, bike all over city in it. it’s perfectly melded to my body.
speaking of, a dumpy chick screamed SKANKS! out at us when we were walking to the car after kaytoo. she scurried away with her boyfriend (who went home to furiously beat off about us) like a coward. oh no she did not just say that. i yelled back WHATEVER DUMPY SWEATER! she was wearing a green hoodie with the pocket fronts on the stomach so warped from her bitchy insecure fat stomach hands always in there. why would you yell that crap out at strangers? we could have chased you down and reacted all crazy. such nerve. such stupid hilarious nerve. poor girl.
ok bye for real now don’t hate me because i’m insane only because i’m beautiful.
my body is finally starting to look hot again! good news men! now i don’t have to join eharmony! and i might start actually being nice again and crying less! which is why i started pof to begin with and only checked on fat days! i can’t stop yelling! ok i’ll go work out some more now! have you tried doritos cheeseburger chips yet? they taste exactly like a whopper! you can taste the relish and the ketchup! i couldn’t sleep last nite so i’m hyped-up overcompensating because of it. my period is late as hell i think it’s finally coming today, i think working out confused my cycle as well as my iud? stress? depression? i work this afternoon i wonder if working out before work is a dumb idea? i still weigh more than i want to but muscle weighs more anyway also a nutritionist pill wizard hippie guy told me you have to build muscle to burn fat so i have to remember that instead of obsessing over the scale. i’m chalking weight gain up to the summer heat destroying my metabolism and soul.
watched cop out (tracy morgan/bruce willis) at ginger’s then shutter island. didn’t make it to the end of shutter island so don’t tell me what happens. cop out is hilarious and stupid and bad and good you gotta see it. tracy morgan pretty much ad libs the entire film. it’s essentially a 30 rock episode in movie-form with bruce willis trying not to laugh. stiffler’s in it and he’s fuckin’ great too.
zero sleep face. zero hanky panky face too. i have never been so celibate. well i have but you know.
ugh the rest of my photos aren’t uploading right now so FT. will sweat across city now. apparently it feels like 38 out there? part of why i couldn’t sleep last nite was cos i had a super tan during the day and i could feel it setting in to my skin, made the sheets feel like hot comforters from hell. i said to the tan chick in my fave lilitaly salon it was time for the T phase of my GTL and she went OHMYGODEJRSEYSHOREYOU’REHILARIOUS as i was dripping sweat all over the place. said there would be no L portion to the day though. i’ve been hitting jasper studios since i was 19. she was straightening her hair when i came in and i said busssssted. she loved my lifeguard shorts too. i could see actually hanging with her but i know it’s weird to ask strangers to be your friend like that. i biked home in the rain once the first few torrential downpour onslaughts subsided. almost died going down shaw, no brakes in the rain. cool safe! blasted the beach boys and the juxtaposition of the sunny californian lyrics made me laugh all the rest of the way home, also i was dressed pretty surfy too. parkdale approves.
felt a little old this weekend. it’s like every loaded parent dropped their kid off in every colour of the rainbow and sayonara’d on out of there til sunday. good thing teenagers are still in the too stupid and young stage to realize a fleet of grandmas was on their turf. i felt like i skipped my teens entirely, i missed out on a lot by chasing geezer yuppies in the city during adolescence so it was all new to me this wakestock experience. normal kid stuff like festivals and walking around with your hoodie’s drawstring in your mouth like a fucking retard, i never did that, so it was nice to roll around high roller style and take part. you know how everyone whines (wankers) about first class spoiling you making coach practically impossible to tolerate well it’s like that with all access at shows, and when you go to a lot (which i did for a time) if you have to spend more than 5 minutes with general admission it’s pretty easy to throw a hissy fit. so i look at festivals and shows like flights, but not as insane as some people i used to attend shows with. i DO enjoy walking around general admission area, that’s where the action is, while backstage is great and fancy and desired, it’s not balls to the wall cocaine buffets and tvs out hotel windows anymore. it can be a little boring and tedious. the strongest drug back there is a can of monster. pretty much. the thing that is most coveted about all access/media/photo pit is the special treatment i gather. you can be a complete somebody at some venues and a complete nobody at others. saw a few hipster-looking types standing at the backstage gates with downright sour looks on their faces, could tell they were used to first class concert flights experience, felt bad. nothing i could do though. in summation, if you’re old like us but missed out on youthy things (or wakestock didn’t exist when you were a teen) and want to experience this weird ride for yourselves, the way to go about it is lodge with a crew, no camping, hit the bars at night, fully immerse with your peers for the weekend ie. jocks. put a check on your laundry list of retarded shit to do before you die. i’ve never been to disneyland/world, don’t think i’m not going to hit that like a tsunami before i turn 30.
which is why the blondnoxious crew was welcome with open arms, kind of a throwback to the good old groupie confusion days. i feel like we genuinely brightened some spirits walking around and around and givin’er this way and that. shit show when the time called for it. too much beer though. sick of beer. i AM a beer now.
i got crabby right around the time before public enemy and was this close to demanding a lift back to home base. i don’t fucking care about public enemy i already saw them backstage got my photos done and done. realised how much of a magnificent idiot i’d be to pass on that and am ever so glad i wised up. that performance was amazing.
also can you believe we had our own handler/babysitter by the name of jonathan? hilarious. i bet he never wants to see blonde hair ever fucking again or be near a camera. what a trooper that guy.
flav did that specifically for me. was doing this whole staring up at the heavens getting into zen pre-performance mode then saw me goofing on his shit. nobody one-ups a hype man i guess.
oh and i had no idea the comments were turned off that last post before i went away. it wasn’t intentional so if you want to say anything go ahead, if not, no worries.
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Hey Raymi,
Anyway, just finished reading your recent post…I’ve been really inspired lately by your candidness and honesty (I’m sure that’s what everyone says…oh well, I mean it). When I read the part about going to the movies by yourself it made me think of this short film from Tanya Davis (from Peterborough) that i think you’ll really like. I assume you’ve seen it already but just in case you haven’t, I thought I would send it along. I’ve been kind of enthralled lately with the act of taking myself out for a date (generally dinner and a movie every so often does it for me)…I find it quite freeing to go it solo every so often when surrounded by people who always seem to be clamoring for my attention (not to trump myself up to be larger than life but in a small town, it’s not very hard to do for someone who’s got an opinion and wears their heart on their sleeve) and…yeah.
As for all the weirdo web haters who judge you based on any negative connotation or idea that they think that they can connect you to, please know that (although i don’t know you personally and don’t presume to) who you are comes through quite clearly for those who choose to read your blog thoughtfully and without bias attached to who they think you are or who they think you should be. Hope that makes sense.
oh i forgot to link this, mel and i were in the globe and mail on friday.
i know you are patiently awaiting another update but i gotta go pump some iron first. ughh ok fiiiine i’ll hit one quick.
this weekend was madness. fun. exhausting. perky. great times and so on and so on. my flickr account went private cos of all the nudity up in it so you can’t even go snooping around on your own. i didn’t bring my ghetto laptop with me and had mad withdrawal, am behind for it too. feh. how many more blond pictures do you need to see RIGHT NOW anyway? i’ve been staring/cycling through the same reel of mental all weekend so it’s like you’ve seen them all already. i LOVE LOVE LOVE the new olympus and it helps you get away with more too as it looks oldschool and official plus a hot geek dressed as a rainbow flanked by three other disneyland rock of love chicks so i’m pretty much moses with it parting the red sea of your heart. i think i got brain sun booze damage.
how much did i love seeing allison? tons. i was thinking wakestock would be the last place to see that girl. newp. funny she had the audacity to call me a groupie. that’s like a fart saying you smell.
i have never been grabbed at so much before in my life. i have never screamed in so many guys’ faces before in my life. no wait a sec… but yeah, drunk jock tards see blond and they go all caveman like THIS IS FOR ME I WANT I WANT and they snatch at your hat and tug your hair and arm and then they get a nice solid thump and scolding. so much confusion on the faces of stupid. love it. well actually, i didn’t. people overloaded this weekend, zero alone time. which is why i went to a movie by myself last nite (a first!) and i enjoyed my company so much i might take myself out on another date (if i play my cards right). it was movie or dakota. i chose salt and the whole time i was thinking about how skinny angelina jolie is and it’s going to be fall soon so i better get back on the skeletor arms bandwagon before oprah arms hell breaks loose.
driving there was the best time. long legs bossy got shotty and did zero navigating for the o’nizz. our phones died a billion times. you can hang out with modern age chicks cos they routinely go silent whilst tweeting and drunk texting so really being friends with girls if you’re one of those trifling “doesn’t get along with chicks” bitches shouldn’t pose a problem for you anymore. no excuses.
hair extensions came out before saturday nite laid one more party on us. the heat was separating my true hair from the clips and i was getting annoyed so i went pfeiffer in scarface that evening to the curling club afterparty. i received a loser email from a “fanemy” about 4 in the morning referencing my weekend and hair extensions, don’t worry you will get all the attention you wanted from that letter in due time. all i gotta say is i love being a girl and being amongst girls who have your back who are equally high/low-maintenance as you, extensions or not, behind the scenes beauty rituals are fun. seeing weaves all over the place, endless hilarity. so hate all you want, you’re pathetic and writing emails at 4 in the morning to the party line you weren’t invited to.
carly is the best little agent mom ever. she went diva a few times on other scouts sniffing around us. fucking hysterical. nothing cuter than a pink little cupcake beaking off.
not sure if i can pull off these shades i bought from that stupid in competition with ardene store friday morning after beerfest. i think i was drunk still.
every time i turned around i saw this and it was the best. as was predicted, the catty snarky haterade came trickling in. some people just don’t seem to “get” “it” that it is possible to work and have a good time. that to align yourself with other girls doing their own (yet similar) thing can be (and is) a smart game move duhh duh duhhhh. everyone brought something to the table, opened a door, an opportunity. it’s nice to share contacts and network schmooze off the ones you met that wouldn’t have otherwise if not for your blog comrade and vice versa. it’s who you know, what you know, and how you know.
and i am half-packing but i’m also farting around in my underwear blogging and checking the clock every two seconds seeing how much i can push it. why bother packing anything at all if i’m to be in a bathing suit around the clock? i was given a special hat last nite that a wakeboarder gave to a friend that i’m bringing and apparently if i show it to the guy he’ll be my puppy dog for the weekend and follow me around, give me a golden all access bracelet i’ll get the party girls on the case of that misadventure. i feel pre-maturely cougy haha. i guess i’m the kim cattrall of this pack, though it makes more sense if i was sjp oh my god why am i talking in sex and the cityisms SO cougar.
we had soooo much fun at caskapalooza last nite. i love those nites you never know where they’ll take you then you get solid took on the most ridiculous quest ever. didn’t get any beer tokens cos we were media (everything was free in our area) so then it became a game to see how many free beers we could get. i won for getting us the most, well, practically every single one i made happen and the tokens were only a buck so it’s not like i was being cheap. it just became a “thing” and i wouldn’t let up. didn’t spend one red cent. fantastic.
blonde hair is the skeleton key of life, it can open any fucking door you like if you know how to talk the talk. i should do seminars like tom cruise in magnolia. TAME THE BUSH!
my face looks stupid but whatever look at this olive toga. wearing a belly bump forgiveless dress forces you to suck in all nite preparing your body for bikini day despite beer guzzling. win. win. win.
tenderloin, scalloped potato under there that i gave to melodie and shrimp topped with blueberry something or other. i proclaimed to the chef that this summer i’ve eaten about eight thousand blueberries. i am a fucking a blueberry. the dessert was peach and marscapone cheese and more blueberries. i have more pics on my twitter which you should follow for annoying 24/7 updates.
on my way out i may or may not have picked up a cop and may or may not have met up with him later that i was secretly high during hahaha. this is not his place. cop fetish! went to the sailor jerry party at that afterhours place on noble, weird to be there not crush fucked out of my gourd. they had a table of food i had to bail before eating the lot of.
ok pack attack stay tuned for wild weekend wakestock coverage.
uh oh stew finally sent me pics from all the mental hangouts we’ve been having i have to scrutinize the worst of them a little better before posting them all…
well it’s not a weave they’re individual clips. love you tracey and shannon and redd hair studio! so easy to put in yourself i hope i can maintain the sleek til the weekend’s over. next week tracey is going to put in baby pink extensions she called me already about them she’s so pumped they’re already dyed ready to go zomg i am turning into xiaxue haha.
i also got wedges too and blew some coin at urban behaviour. i walked into this tacky shoe store and said i have to wear wedges all weekend long what will be the most comfortable and not give me blisters two seconds in. these are the ones. love them. i am practically 6 feet tall in them.
clipped that sucker in all on my own. i was not prepared for the attention my new head got once i walked out of there holy moly if i don’t get a boyfriend this weekend then there is something severely wrong with me. fuck that if i don’t get one TONITE then i’m goin’ nun.
pretty much exactly how my hair looked before i cut it. why did i cut it? sad face. worst hair length for the hottest summer ever. dumb dumb dumb.
ok off to caskapalooza (late as usual) with melodie and a plated dinner i am not smoking ganj today so i don’t hoover a bag of choc covered raisins and rosebuds like i did last nite after parting ways with the girls the faster i walked the more i shoveled in my maw then i hung with trish at commie’s and unloveable and then at stew’s til like 5 in the morning watching youtube videos and eating cashews and hot peppers from terroni MENTAL! i had a strongbow last nite for the first time ever pretty much and my face burned right the fuck up i had hot flashes like crazy i was sweaty as hell and i couldn’t shut up about it.
don’t worry things will get back to normal around here about a quarter to never.
