my body is finally starting to look hot again! good news men! now i don’t have to join eharmony! and i might start actually being nice again and crying less! which is why i started pof to begin with and only checked on fat days! i can’t stop yelling! ok i’ll go work out some more now! have you tried doritos cheeseburger chips yet? they taste exactly like a whopper! you can taste the relish and the ketchup! i couldn’t sleep last nite so i’m hyped-up overcompensating because of it. my period is late as hell i think it’s finally coming today, i think working out confused my cycle as well as my iud? stress? depression? i work this afternoon i wonder if working out before work is a dumb idea? i still weigh more than i want to but muscle weighs more anyway also a nutritionist pill wizard hippie guy told me you have to build muscle to burn fat so i have to remember that instead of obsessing over the scale. i’m chalking weight gain up to the summer heat destroying my metabolism and soul.
watched cop out (tracy morgan/bruce willis) at ginger’s then shutter island. didn’t make it to the end of shutter island so don’t tell me what happens. cop out is hilarious and stupid and bad and good you gotta see it. tracy morgan pretty much ad libs the entire film. it’s essentially a 30 rock episode in movie-form with bruce willis trying not to laugh. stiffler’s in it and he’s fuckin’ great too.
zero sleep face. zero hanky panky face too. i have never been so celibate. well i have but you know.
ugh the rest of my photos aren’t uploading right now so FT. will sweat across city now. apparently it feels like 38 out there? part of why i couldn’t sleep last nite was cos i had a super tan during the day and i could feel it setting in to my skin, made the sheets feel like hot comforters from hell. i said to the tan chick in my fave lilitaly salon it was time for the T phase of my GTL and she went OHMYGODEJRSEYSHOREYOU’REHILARIOUS as i was dripping sweat all over the place. said there would be no L portion to the day though. i’ve been hitting jasper studios since i was 19. she was straightening her hair when i came in and i said busssssted. she loved my lifeguard shorts too. i could see actually hanging with her but i know it’s weird to ask strangers to be your friend like that. i biked home in the rain once the first few torrential downpour onslaughts subsided. almost died going down shaw, no brakes in the rain. cool safe! blasted the beach boys and the juxtaposition of the sunny californian lyrics made me laugh all the rest of the way home, also i was dressed pretty surfy too. parkdale approves.
felt a little old this weekend. it’s like every loaded parent dropped their kid off in every colour of the rainbow and sayonara’d on out of there til sunday. good thing teenagers are still in the too stupid and young stage to realize a fleet of grandmas was on their turf. i felt like i skipped my teens entirely, i missed out on a lot by chasing geezer yuppies in the city during adolescence so it was all new to me this wakestock experience. normal kid stuff like festivals and walking around with your hoodie’s drawstring in your mouth like a fucking retard, i never did that, so it was nice to roll around high roller style and take part. you know how everyone whines (wankers) about first class spoiling you making coach practically impossible to tolerate well it’s like that with all access at shows, and when you go to a lot (which i did for a time) if you have to spend more than 5 minutes with general admission it’s pretty easy to throw a hissy fit. so i look at festivals and shows like flights, but not as insane as some people i used to attend shows with. i DO enjoy walking around general admission area, that’s where the action is, while backstage is great and fancy and desired, it’s not balls to the wall cocaine buffets and tvs out hotel windows anymore. it can be a little boring and tedious. the strongest drug back there is a can of monster. pretty much. the thing that is most coveted about all access/media/photo pit is the special treatment i gather. you can be a complete somebody at some venues and a complete nobody at others. saw a few hipster-looking types standing at the backstage gates with downright sour looks on their faces, could tell they were used to first class concert flights experience, felt bad. nothing i could do though. in summation, if you’re old like us but missed out on youthy things (or wakestock didn’t exist when you were a teen) and want to experience this weird ride for yourselves, the way to go about it is lodge with a crew, no camping, hit the bars at night, fully immerse with your peers for the weekend ie. jocks. put a check on your laundry list of retarded shit to do before you die. i’ve never been to disneyland/world, don’t think i’m not going to hit that like a tsunami before i turn 30.
which is why the blondnoxious crew was welcome with open arms, kind of a throwback to the good old groupie confusion days. i feel like we genuinely brightened some spirits walking around and around and givin’er this way and that. shit show when the time called for it. too much beer though. sick of beer. i AM a beer now.
i got crabby right around the time before public enemy and was this close to demanding a lift back to home base. i don’t fucking care about public enemy i already saw them backstage got my photos done and done. realised how much of a magnificent idiot i’d be to pass on that and am ever so glad i wised up. that performance was amazing.
also can you believe we had our own handler/babysitter by the name of jonathan? hilarious. i bet he never wants to see blonde hair ever fucking again or be near a camera. what a trooper that guy.
flav did that specifically for me. was doing this whole staring up at the heavens getting into zen pre-performance mode then saw me goofing on his shit. nobody one-ups a hype man i guess.
oh and i had no idea the comments were turned off that last post before i went away. it wasn’t intentional so if you want to say anything go ahead, if not, no worries.
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Hey Raymi,
Anyway, just finished reading your recent post…I’ve been really inspired lately by your candidness and honesty (I’m sure that’s what everyone says…oh well, I mean it). When I read the part about going to the movies by yourself it made me think of this short film from Tanya Davis (from Peterborough) that i think you’ll really like. I assume you’ve seen it already but just in case you haven’t, I thought I would send it along. I’ve been kind of enthralled lately with the act of taking myself out for a date (generally dinner and a movie every so often does it for me)…I find it quite freeing to go it solo every so often when surrounded by people who always seem to be clamoring for my attention (not to trump myself up to be larger than life but in a small town, it’s not very hard to do for someone who’s got an opinion and wears their heart on their sleeve) and…yeah.
As for all the weirdo web haters who judge you based on any negative connotation or idea that they think that they can connect you to, please know that (although i don’t know you personally and don’t presume to) who you are comes through quite clearly for those who choose to read your blog thoughtfully and without bias attached to who they think you are or who they think you should be. Hope that makes sense.
oh i forgot to link this, mel and i were in the globe and mail on friday.
i know you are patiently awaiting another update but i gotta go pump some iron first. ughh ok fiiiine i’ll hit one quick.
this weekend was madness. fun. exhausting. perky. great times and so on and so on. my flickr account went private cos of all the nudity up in it so you can’t even go snooping around on your own. i didn’t bring my ghetto laptop with me and had mad withdrawal, am behind for it too. feh. how many more blond pictures do you need to see RIGHT NOW anyway? i’ve been staring/cycling through the same reel of mental all weekend so it’s like you’ve seen them all already. i LOVE LOVE LOVE the new olympus and it helps you get away with more too as it looks oldschool and official plus a hot geek dressed as a rainbow flanked by three other disneyland rock of love chicks so i’m pretty much moses with it parting the red sea of your heart. i think i got brain sun booze damage.
how much did i love seeing allison? tons. i was thinking wakestock would be the last place to see that girl. newp. funny she had the audacity to call me a groupie. that’s like a fart saying you smell.
i have never been grabbed at so much before in my life. i have never screamed in so many guys’ faces before in my life. no wait a sec… but yeah, drunk jock tards see blond and they go all caveman like THIS IS FOR ME I WANT I WANT and they snatch at your hat and tug your hair and arm and then they get a nice solid thump and scolding. so much confusion on the faces of stupid. love it. well actually, i didn’t. people overloaded this weekend, zero alone time. which is why i went to a movie by myself last nite (a first!) and i enjoyed my company so much i might take myself out on another date (if i play my cards right). it was movie or dakota. i chose salt and the whole time i was thinking about how skinny angelina jolie is and it’s going to be fall soon so i better get back on the skeletor arms bandwagon before oprah arms hell breaks loose.
driving there was the best time. long legs bossy got shotty and did zero navigating for the o’nizz. our phones died a billion times. you can hang out with modern age chicks cos they routinely go silent whilst tweeting and drunk texting so really being friends with girls if you’re one of those trifling “doesn’t get along with chicks” bitches shouldn’t pose a problem for you anymore. no excuses.
hair extensions came out before saturday nite laid one more party on us. the heat was separating my true hair from the clips and i was getting annoyed so i went pfeiffer in scarface that evening to the curling club afterparty. i received a loser email from a “fanemy” about 4 in the morning referencing my weekend and hair extensions, don’t worry you will get all the attention you wanted from that letter in due time. all i gotta say is i love being a girl and being amongst girls who have your back who are equally high/low-maintenance as you, extensions or not, behind the scenes beauty rituals are fun. seeing weaves all over the place, endless hilarity. so hate all you want, you’re pathetic and writing emails at 4 in the morning to the party line you weren’t invited to.
carly is the best little agent mom ever. she went diva a few times on other scouts sniffing around us. fucking hysterical. nothing cuter than a pink little cupcake beaking off.
not sure if i can pull off these shades i bought from that stupid in competition with ardene store friday morning after beerfest. i think i was drunk still.
every time i turned around i saw this and it was the best. as was predicted, the catty snarky haterade came trickling in. some people just don’t seem to “get” “it” that it is possible to work and have a good time. that to align yourself with other girls doing their own (yet similar) thing can be (and is) a smart game move duhh duh duhhhh. everyone brought something to the table, opened a door, an opportunity. it’s nice to share contacts and network schmooze off the ones you met that wouldn’t have otherwise if not for your blog comrade and vice versa. it’s who you know, what you know, and how you know.
and i am half-packing but i’m also farting around in my underwear blogging and checking the clock every two seconds seeing how much i can push it. why bother packing anything at all if i’m to be in a bathing suit around the clock? i was given a special hat last nite that a wakeboarder gave to a friend that i’m bringing and apparently if i show it to the guy he’ll be my puppy dog for the weekend and follow me around, give me a golden all access bracelet i’ll get the party girls on the case of that misadventure. i feel pre-maturely cougy haha. i guess i’m the kim cattrall of this pack, though it makes more sense if i was sjp oh my god why am i talking in sex and the cityisms SO cougar.
we had soooo much fun at caskapalooza last nite. i love those nites you never know where they’ll take you then you get solid took on the most ridiculous quest ever. didn’t get any beer tokens cos we were media (everything was free in our area) so then it became a game to see how many free beers we could get. i won for getting us the most, well, practically every single one i made happen and the tokens were only a buck so it’s not like i was being cheap. it just became a “thing” and i wouldn’t let up. didn’t spend one red cent. fantastic.
blonde hair is the skeleton key of life, it can open any fucking door you like if you know how to talk the talk. i should do seminars like tom cruise in magnolia. TAME THE BUSH!
my face looks stupid but whatever look at this olive toga. wearing a belly bump forgiveless dress forces you to suck in all nite preparing your body for bikini day despite beer guzzling. win. win. win.
tenderloin, scalloped potato under there that i gave to melodie and shrimp topped with blueberry something or other. i proclaimed to the chef that this summer i’ve eaten about eight thousand blueberries. i am a fucking a blueberry. the dessert was peach and marscapone cheese and more blueberries. i have more pics on my twitter which you should follow for annoying 24/7 updates.
on my way out i may or may not have picked up a cop and may or may not have met up with him later that i was secretly high during hahaha. this is not his place. cop fetish! went to the sailor jerry party at that afterhours place on noble, weird to be there not crush fucked out of my gourd. they had a table of food i had to bail before eating the lot of.
ok pack attack stay tuned for wild weekend wakestock coverage.
uh oh stew finally sent me pics from all the mental hangouts we’ve been having i have to scrutinize the worst of them a little better before posting them all…
well it’s not a weave they’re individual clips. love you tracey and shannon and redd hair studio! so easy to put in yourself i hope i can maintain the sleek til the weekend’s over. next week tracey is going to put in baby pink extensions she called me already about them she’s so pumped they’re already dyed ready to go zomg i am turning into xiaxue haha.
i also got wedges too and blew some coin at urban behaviour. i walked into this tacky shoe store and said i have to wear wedges all weekend long what will be the most comfortable and not give me blisters two seconds in. these are the ones. love them. i am practically 6 feet tall in them.
clipped that sucker in all on my own. i was not prepared for the attention my new head got once i walked out of there holy moly if i don’t get a boyfriend this weekend then there is something severely wrong with me. fuck that if i don’t get one TONITE then i’m goin’ nun.
pretty much exactly how my hair looked before i cut it. why did i cut it? sad face. worst hair length for the hottest summer ever. dumb dumb dumb.
ok off to caskapalooza (late as usual) with melodie and a plated dinner i am not smoking ganj today so i don’t hoover a bag of choc covered raisins and rosebuds like i did last nite after parting ways with the girls the faster i walked the more i shoveled in my maw then i hung with trish at commie’s and unloveable and then at stew’s til like 5 in the morning watching youtube videos and eating cashews and hot peppers from terroni MENTAL! i had a strongbow last nite for the first time ever pretty much and my face burned right the fuck up i had hot flashes like crazy i was sweaty as hell and i couldn’t shut up about it.
don’t worry things will get back to normal around here about a quarter to never.
how could you hate this face, how could you possibly disagree with anything i say, ever? jesus there’s some uppity twats in the city and on the internet. kind of sick of all of you and yeah well obviously you’re sick of me too, go back to being boring snobs ripping jokes to shreds forever then i’m not going to censor myself until everyone in the world does enough sit ups and way to turn that entire thing into a fat war, really it was about ordinary complacent lifestyles.
the irony is you’re whining for niceness and concern for your fellow man meanwhile you open the hate floodgates on me, you wouldn’t last ten seconds reading the spiel that came through yesterday thanks to you. the moral of the story is, society can judge me but i can’t them. BORING!
in other news, of the blogger bunch heading to collingweird for jockstock tomorrow i am the true amazon of the bunch so i suppose it is apt that we had a nice little fat war pre-a billion photo ops in our zeugari suits, many of which were designed specifically for kim kardashian. i tried on some of those but my ass isn’t badonk enough. my problem area is my love handles. after this craptacular post i’m buying wedges. this suit is one i chose. pretty whorey.
finally aunt flo arrives so tomorrow and the next day i won’t be that much of a whale. can’t wait for ridiculous tan lines. ok maybe i should actually go for another tan to jack it up a notch. i have no time NO TIME for that starting to feel last minute stress. i have extension appointment today, everything i thought was yesterday was actually scheduled for today. idiot.
also this nautical one. we have 4 suits each and can only wear them, well on camera that is. so weird what is this a paris hilton vegas pool party appearance? yes, yes it is.
um, no. i regret not grabbing it but oh well. my fave is this other beige sparkle two piece number with hippie ties and blue beads as well as a one piece white suit with a braid up the torso. i have never been to wakestock but i’ve been told there’s a lot of people who fancy themselves quite a bit, sports groupies and guys who dress like pro athletes. we got a sample of how dudes react to the four of us walking as a crew by a construction site on university last nite wearing normal clothes so it’s a safe call that there may be some guys acting ‘tarded about our “happening”.
went to the real jerk with ginger for supper pre-kini try on. had never been there before. gazed lovingly across the street at dangerous dan’s and fantasized about their booze milkshakes mmmmm. someone asked how much i spend on food cos there’s a lot of it on here. i go out to eat with dudes and men feel obligated to pay, try to go dutch as much as possible or when i eat solo clearly i’m paying but yeah, i’m a foodie and i eat feelings instead of saving to buy a stupid gadget. i blow my money on dining because that’s how i get through a day. frivolous, fleeting, but it’s still something. so in answer to your question i do not know how much i spend on food i’ll mail you my receipts and you can do the math haha. i do not cook at home, i eat for free at work, so it balances out. i also know how to eat cheap. somewhat. well i used to.
our server gave me a bit of attitude cos they were slammed and understaffed. oh well. great food, very tasty. talked us out of the jerk shrimp cos it was the spiciest thing on the menu i wish he didn’t. ginger said people eat hot food (i accidentally typed ginger said hot people hahaha) cos they get a high from it (i knew that part) because the body thinks it’s in pain so it releases endorphins to protect the body from the pain. makes sense.
and because we are no longer friends, yes believe it or not this chick is someone i know in real life, considered a friend etc etc etc, here is our email volley from yesterday while i was trying to do my thing out in the stupid world. annoying. you go on a tirade in my comments attempting to diss me to pieces don’t expect me not to drag out our garbage email for material. she has her points i have mine. how do you type a jerking off sound effect cos i’d rather be doing that right now than copy and pasting this retardation. we had a goodish run, you were always sort of an ice queen bitch, an acquired taste, as am i, but really you went too far with your stand, it was exhausting. you can’t force people to agree with you by insulting them and trying to out-snark them.
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hey dude I’m not trying to bust your balls just saying what i found offensive. fat people gat shit on alot, more then they deserve, writing that shit in contrast with the going to the gym entry is just , I dunno.
I know its your personal blog and everything but if you were making fun of immigrants or old ladies I’d feel the same, and I’d say something.
Basically I read this as “Hello! I’m going to the gym! Also, I went to the bookstore and there were all these fat, boring people trapped in lifeless relationships! gross!”
Do you see my point?
Do you see your own point dude? Who cares I was eating and thinking about what I saw before me and it was all true, why do you get so damn incensed you say cruel shit a lot. There is no correlation between gym fat books couples at all. It was a concise commentary that I barely even had the time to make and now this bullshit. I love fat people and I care for them so what I saw couples that let themselves go, that’s what I fucking saw the end why do u have to joan of arc all over it? Do I wish we were all healthy myself included yes. Its more a reaction to our fast food normal guy society and that’s it.
how can you say “it was all true”, you don’t know any of these people? how can someone who gets so indignant about people judging them be so judgemental towards others? I say some cruel shit? what about what you say? you really think that anyone sees “I’d happily sit on the book couch with my fat husband” as a compliment???
Do u go to stand up comedy and debate every single fucking joke to shreds? I SAW SKINNY COUPLES AND FAT COUPLE HAPPY AND SAD AND RESIGNED THEN I BLOGGED ABOUT IT sorry for having functioning eyes and being intuitive maybe ill go back to making no conclusions ever like a simpleton shut the fuck up xenia Ill be sure to interview every single person I encounter from hereonin for your sake ok? Because lord knows there is no such thing as educated guesses. Fuck.
“educated”?? HAHA Maybe you can ditch the “I’m a peeerson I have feeeelings” act now for when people make “educated guesses” about you.
Wow cunty. An educated guess is acquired knowledge based upon simple observations drawn from the subject placed before you, you don’t need to burn 4 years at ocad to make an educated guesstimation. You learn that in grade 11 law class you sensitive bafoon.
I’m not talking about school.
You wouldn’t last ten seconds. You are a massive snob too dude can you go hassle someone else now thanks for ruining my WORK OUT the only thing I am obsessed with.
of course not, I’d have to go on a defensive fat shaming rant.
Bullshit
And again ESL I was using fat for more than what it stands for. Crucify me for blogging lazily more please.
My point was that your post hurt my feelings, and its not just fat, its bored trapped unhappy cattle and their fat husband. I stood up for you before when people said shitty things about you and I’m standing up for these people you say crap about because it bothers me and its GROSS, sorry you can’t relate. Clumsy blogging? maybe was the first thing you should have said. Can’t deal with the fact that was fucked? Whatever I’m done.
Its just a blog post xenia. Did I say I hated these people and they deserve to die? Commentary on society, a generalization based on a brief encounter I am allowed to make observations jesus.
Thanks for sticking up for me but holy christ this isn’t a war u don’t have to battle every single snide remark, way to be. I’m sorry it hurt your feelings. And I’m sorry losers degenerated that into grammar war. If u fail to read multiple meanings and blow up like that don’t expect others to not nitpick.
wow ok Hemingway sorry for failing to read multiple meanings in a post about how you saw fat couples at the bookstore and decided their lives were pathetic
Wow yourself to getting incensed about nothing that has anything to do with you. Its called blog fodder take a relax pill. Ill wait til all my friends and family are in shape before I ever say the word fat again
pre-work out meal. the grocery store down in manulife was closed (my gym is in the hood where i used to live) cos they’re renovating or putting in a loblaws so rich people don’t have to ghetto shop at whatever it used to be so i had to eat at the starbucks in indigo. i had so many funny little thoughts about people in bookstores then i told myself to just shut up. proud i stopped self from blowing money at h&m and also for finally meeting up with ryan for a sweet check. money money money smiley face. ok here is what i thought about people in bookstores from behind my shitty red fakebans and greasy hair, i looked at all these couples (jealously) who looked bored out of their minds and trapped (fat)(normies) and it was clear that to go to indigo was their “day” their “thing” so they rush around to make it happen then ignore each other for hours walking about in search of their next read that they will then ignore each other even more so by later on throughout the week until next weekend to do it again. fun life? kinda felt like watching cattle, like edward norton on the plane in fight club or douglas coupland in every single douglas coupland book. chain bookstores are the mcdonald’s’ of settling. what are we going to do tonite hon?
fuzzy patio queen. i love tourist cheeseball town and i love that they rubberneck and i love that attention, if you’re lonely go to queen/john area and pick up.
this is from last week i love how trish snook it up on fb and didn’t tag me haha. i went there last nite in the same sweater and said um i wore this sweater last time right? stew laughed yes. i thought i was being unique turns out i’m just a lazy slob. gimme a break i just got off work.
had the largest wakame salad afterward then sashimi platter, passed on the sake (15 bucks for a small are you insane with greed!? must be cos they’re right across from king eddy).
lent casie the tank, ride safe babe! we got a loft in blue mountain for wakestock this weekend. floored. have a bathingsuit fitting tonite, not floored for how not beach-prepped my body is, not to mention pms bloat guh. does zeugari make tents? i will also be wandering around in hair extensions too, so rock of love hahaha. my long weekend blew, i cried myself to sleep practically every nite so be happy for me for once.
saw inception the other nite with craig. he is the worst movie date ever, talks through the whole movie, takes eleven pisses, then i felt mean for shushing him a lot but whatever man you can’t talk through that kinda film! he also pointed out how young all the actors were, um dude that one guy from third rock from the sun is older than me, at least 30? ps. who cares! we had fun at jack astors though, well i did. i have fun anywhere, really.
i have a photo standing in this exact spot and im ten pounds heavier at least. it was after samir’s film short viewing had a party at brassai. that girl in the mirror was staring at me cutely on astor’s patio and i feel specifically came in to chat me up, which she did and cos i have the game of a gnat, your hero blew it. she said she liked the colour of my hair.
had lunch at terroni with elitist whiner. my hair was retarded yesterday. i love terroni’s patio why haven’t i been back there before? i think the place intimidates me. you can count on me loner-dining there many times in the future.
bellini. peach schnapps and champagne. never thought to try that. i like when you learn a new drink you drink it until you can never ever drink it again. like pimm’s cups we are so done.
appetizer quatro. i know i whine about being fat and blah blah blah but really i ate like a bird yesterday normally i hoover and punch a motherfucker out the way of the platter, this time i was a lady and you were the tramp.
stew got my dare, make stupid voices for each animal and make them conversate for up to 2 minutes, no laughing. pictures forthcoming of me pushing a dog dish across the floor with my nose and mooning our neighbor’s house for ten seconds oh and wearing a helmet in the street til a car drove by. thanks guys! stew line-danced while singing achy breaky heart in the street. ahh parkdale, we blend so well but hey guess what you can find it using GPS. ha psyche! but only once you’re done jerking off to your adult dvd on your plasma television but don’t get cum on the keyboard. ahhaha what just happened there?
