I’ve been following your blog for a bit out of lurid curiosity, disdainful feminine jealousy, and insatiable voyeurism. Goddamnit, you’re wildly successful.
I am a small, brunette (sometimes pudgy), woman given to fits of rage and antisocial tendencies. I’m from the southeastern U.S. and stifled by a cultural inability to be anything but lovely. It’s terrible. I’m naturally a charming monster– a siren and a witch. I think you have made that dichotomy palatable to a lot of people through your blog. Women are bitches and unicorns and things you can’t imagine living with, or living without.
Raymi, after much deliberation, I think you’re tops. Get rich. Get famous. It’s only what we all wish we could do. You shouldn’t have to apologize for being better (on paper) than most of us. But I do have to say, your writing, and sense of humor, and personality, really are more valuable currency than your beauty (which is quite apparent). Maybe you could devote a post now and then to how you developed those skills– just so the regular girls don’t lose hope. Keep writing. Keep being honest. I’ll keep recommending your blog to my lady friends. Thanks for being a conundrum.
ahhhh you made my morning! more than this hotel coffee, which i think is wreaknig havoc on my innards mexican water style (hopefully). how long have you been reading?
(first part of my response redacted for privacy’s sake) im related to kerouac and am bipolar, my dad’s side of the family is pretty scholarly (british) and i have a strong streak of that from them. i’m just a lucky asshole i think. you’ve given me much to think about. thanks alice. i talk a bit about my writing craft/gift in my book that one day i will publish when i’m done being a loser.
don’t hesitate to write again, you broke the nice ice. wicked.
this trip was months in the making, planning and weeks in the dreaming of. all my friends going on mini jaunts here and there before me and i am like HI i am going away too i swear. it’s hard to look forward to a trip when it’s not for months but eventually it comes and you can’t believe it. i need more vacations is what i’ve learned. very worth it. we move rooms today and these slobs stole our poolside spot. pool war. no we’re going for a beach cruise to even out our tans. xo raymbo
i downloaded my shit off mystery camera so here i am the night of the seafoody event. why my one eyeball is trying to reveal my secret sailor moon stature in this snap i do not know.
i left this suit at home cos there’s splotches all over it like dye or something and it looks dirty. i plan to buy another bikini here. my green monster one i am alredy bored of plus i think it makes me an 8 when clearly i am a 9, sometimes more.
teacher probably took care of that mirror smudge for princess by now. would not let me clean so as to soak up all the raymbo time before i skidapped outta town.
kay you get the point. the view from this window perch i am typing from is just gorgeous, perfect for spying and judging. i love palm trees. they make me less bitchy.
rental guy was a dick. i went EXCUSE ME CAN YOU HELP US!? he’s like i have another customer (SO DIDN’T!) and i go yeah, so are we. i singlehandedly crammed all our stuff into the car and you’re not to put luggage in the trunk to wreck the convertible roof top thing taking up ALL the room in there. we have to go back to the airport to deal with the insurance. seriously.
these are the same flowers on our roof deck. we haven’t checked in yet. we rented a convertible. we are in ft lauderdale for a couple nights then we go to miami beach and we are staying at a ballin’ place. will be here for the fourth of july. haven’t had a night’s rest yet. our flight was at 2am. cold flight. got here early, our room isn’t ready yet so we are shanty towning it in this little hidden gem of an estate resort we already have a friend bird that won’t go away and a cat that looks retarded and is a grifter. lizards, ya hi to you too.
the bottoms of these are already loose saggy underwear bottoms on me. your hero is shrinking. thank god for the motion room i am basically the mobile bellboy with these two chicks. my mom is so lazy i am training her to do things for herself like, oh your suitcase is in the trunk still? no i don’t want to get it no thank you that’s alright, no thank you. i stuffed our shit in the trunk and sat with three huge suitcases in the back seat with hot salty sea air blasting at my neck and zero per cent sleep brain and felt like heaven.
so far zero hipsters and my bathing suit is confusing people we were passed out like weekend at bernie’s and woke up to tables of people eating special k and bagels staring at us hahaha oh good morning folks we’re your new neighbours.
i should try out for game shows. i’m so much better when i don’t talk.
Kris is an amazing director. so calming he talks in this way that immediately makes you relaxed thank god for that. it’s kind of hypnotizing and confusing and before you know it all your clothes are off and that’s a wrap hahah.
I’m talking to leslie here she’s like whaaaat? all stars get blasted for sex scenes where’s the whiskey. i could have gone sobes but then my foot started speed tapping my flip flop and wouldn’t stop hahaha.
The actress arrives. actress slash personal wardrobe stylist, are we good here people?
It was a choice between yuppie shirt only or blazer and bra, or all three. i had to speed change backwards after the scene, and in the scene. the bra is majorly puffed up and the shirt is v tiny on my frame. gerson and i had to jam it in my skirt as fast as could be, most times i wouldn’t bother buttoning, just let the blazer give the appearance of all being put together. in real life a chick on her way out might take better care, but this is make believe right?
I didn’t want sweat on my shirt and felt it necessary to get into character as quickly as could be, become more comfortable, do it hef styles.
Melodie’s robe. that’s it getting my own.
This is when i became wicked nervous. i pretty much maintained a buzz all day yesterday to keep it cool, plus it was suicidal saturday (anything goes day). a shot of vodka would eventually make its way over.
This was shot in the chocolate factory lofts. right around the corner from the security desk. i think he heard me. i think the entire building did. god. i am theatrical.
So I was playing a rich chick. i couldn’t find ONE necklace of mine. not my hello kitty nor my simple silver one from teacher. boo.
Good thing they have the ladder on the turf at the motion room, i was ready for this and cos of that i didn’t wear heels in the scene, i was willing to try but they might have gotten tangled up in the sheets. we had enough trouble maneuvering our legs and arms and doing it gracefully.
It’s also funny to be nervous about doing something i was born to do, and do well. like fake typing on camera, you tap at the keys like a typewriter when merely seconds prior you were expertly clacking away angela lansbury murder she wrote styles. i was going over the past year in my head of being singlish, sloppy one night stands, mini two week refaketionships (i just made that up hahha) and all the ploughing, why am i a baller for that but have the gall to be shy about it for screen? professional minx.
That’s gerson in the blue, awesome. taylor on the right is my hired john. i am too busy to get a dude so i pay for bangs, sure makes sense. we were joking around like crazy to get the heebie jeebies out. worked.
It’s hard to fake sexiness if you wait til the last minute to embody it so carry it with you always ladies. i knew i had to break down a few people in the room first before i could become comfortable, nervous nerd boners maybe hahah.
That’s me doing fitness, glamour fitness. i think we should do a high fashion fitness video cos we all know what aerobics gear looks like and yeah yeah snore i look good in it. we need some next level gimmickry, super delicate expensive chiffon or something that falls apart and disintegrates from doing push ups and sweating profusely all over it.
last minute globbing. i ruined two nails. i never NEVER go anywhere without finishing my nails. if i have one that is damaged i’ll make time to do it, knowing i’d be sitting in makeup i threw it in my purse. late as usual.
that’s gewel, giuliana (everyone on set has weird names/spellings of haha)(there’s emer too, i know right? she’s the cutie in the grey/striped shirt). she’s great, super chill. everyone involved were dreams, hearing them chatter when i was too nervous to speak they made me laugh. my makeup lady was nurturing haha wow i sound like a total baby. i dunno. how nervous would you be?
I was proud of my work. i remember when i thought it acceptable to have gross nails, chipped polish a la c. love, riot grrl, unfem. so stupid. now that i look and dress like a cougar i see rich old dudes rubbernecking me like crazy bananas. i have wasted my life. hahahaa.
on my way out to set i took my american cash out of my wallet, stupid. would have been perfect. looks like we’re canadians in this film now. doh.
the script. i don’t speak. i provide audio of another kind. someone picked up a phonecall they should not have at an integral moment when action was underway. your funeral buddy.
arsenal.
slainte!
before the last take i started to feel queasy. i had a cupcake anyway and commenced doing burpees to make my abs ripple more. work through the pain.
your turn. going to walk the dog now and will BRB with transfering the rest of the dirties over into html so you can see these images. Guess what! Blogging is ACTUAL WORK who knew?????
prepare for battle. maybe not all of us will make it out alive.
I NEED A NEW BLACKBERRY!
cake face. we didn’t do under my eyes. she said it makes you look tireder. WHAT! all my life! globbing that shit on and on and on and on and on! slkjg;ugsd;ubvd;b;!^&$&%^$%&^$8
get my back spots too please thanks.
one day when i have time i am going back to my dermatologist rip off asshole and show him the result of his waste of time work. unless another one comes forth and sponsors it for a blogvertisement. a plastic surgeon too please for my nose and tits.
ta da.
aw back to ally mcbeal. more like, ally mcFEEL.
i like how taylor kept saying (reassuring himself) aloud how his girlfriend was cool with all this. baha. why are you sweating profusely from your head then dude? (there were hot lights hahaha).
gorgeous bathroom eh.
i sent some of these to leslie and she’s like was there a shower scene too!!? haha.
the girls loved the blazer. i told you i was marge and her chanel jacket now.
hahaha.
so i grab my shoes and clutch, pay and run. even though you were crap i am still obliged to pay you.
emer with one more shot. i only had half this time, gave the rest to taylor.
make room.
killing time with the elephant in the room. lots of baby talk going on. ten dudes sitting quietly in the kitchen, would have loved to be a fly on the wall for their sit-in hearing EVERYTHING over the loft wall.
waiting for the scene to end quietly in my walk of shame.
there’s a version with my bra on too, when we had cut, the girls thought it wise to have a non-R-rated option.
had a pony temporarily. hair was getting sweaty and matted. ha.
we are the first scene in the movie.
i am sore as hell today.
burpees. i saw on ET after SNL last night, shia does 150 push ups before his transformers chase scenes. i am turning into a real actress now. i even put bronzer on my abs to make the definition pop. did i say that already? they did that to the twilight guy.
i did ten. and this was after 3 takes already. maybe 4.
and the jump. i bet i will still look fat anyway.
hair is getting rattier. which was supposed to be the way, but i am a priss. i tried to leave sweat on my body to compromise. continuity. bah.
post romp regality.
as they clap, and i curtsy. i told you i have great manners. great pedigree. i’m on my way to a polo match now actually.
gahahahah my hair.
and then apparently i made a speech? i dunno, i was drunk and cum dumb.
my escort wouldn’t even hug me.
charting my dash course. i walked into the corner of the bed right off the bat. f-ing black modern furniture. everyone did it. i now have a great thigh welt for south beach.
maybe i should have gotten a smaller bra.
i’m sorry but look at my arms now. kelly ripa!
i hope i didn’t look like a blob on film lying down there after i flop over.
emer you’re the best. (writer/associate producer). you can check out everyone’s credentials on the with her facebook page or imdb. a real movie! i want to be in more!
i likes to keep it black swan. schizophrenic, delusional, beautiful, and graceful.
are you guys ready to get pumped up! jacked and tanned! summer svelte! do you want my turbobabe (teacher’s chick colleague’s refer to it as that) body too? do you want to be an ambassador like me for the motion room and work out FOR FREE!? well, two spots are up for grabs to join and represent a la raymi. you may catch a barenaked lady wandering the halls too.
Did you miss TMR’s wagjag 91% personal training discount? they’ll extend it because I told you to call them but forget that, I have an exclusive just for my readers. TMR is looking for summer Ambassadors so this is your opportunity to do what I do 3 times a week for 1 hour each session.
it will change your look and your attitude (you’ll be swearing much more) and hello, working out with a personal trainer for FREE. Did you catch that? FREE.
deetz: FREE 4 months of training that you EARN. Sign up for the first 4 months…make all established goals (initial assessment is mandatory to determine goals) such as weight loss, stamina and strength increase. Each goal achieved EARNS you credit toward an extra 4 months of training. Do this for you because a balance to life is key…your body doesn’t get fit reading this blog so you won’t be a blob. bahahah. even though oleg says i would never be used like matt damon in an action conspiracy film or for the secret service, maybe you can prove him wrong. he’s trained soldiers and he was a professional wrestler, soccer, doesn’t work out for fun oh man the wisdom coming out of that guy.
every single move you see in the universe you will eventually do it, learn it, apply it to your life or teach it to others.
commitment is key so if you’re now considering this offer make sure you live reasonably close to the Junction or plan to travel, the junction is the new parkdale anyway. you’ll quickly figure out that nutrition is half the equation, when i finally stopped thinking that 3 work outs would erase my over-boozing and eating and started eating better all my work and toning began to shine through.
to qualify as a candidate TMR wants you to journal your experience, hence the “Ambassador” component. if the journal you keep and will publicly share isn’t enough incentive to keep you squared to acheive, I’ll be keeping you accountable directly and checking in on your progress (sporadically) and blogging it. i will even work out with you and scream at you if need be. Interested applicants write here info@themotionroom.ca – take the onus, say raymi sent ya. game on.
Consultation assessment to gauge your current health zone.
Establish goals and measured every six weeks. Scheduling commitment must be at 100% (if you have cottage plans —something can be worked out around that) if you’re sick you have to make it up—the goal is a minimum 3 times a week.
If you can workout during the day 11 to 3 you’ll move up quicker on the selection list. You will be photographed during your workouts (not often) as a visual checkup.
Journaling is on Facebook so best that you’re on there already. If you have your own blog that would be a bonus but not mandatory. ok doke? i am actually waiting to hear about the catch behind this myself, you know, like they forgot to tell me something but nope, no smoke blown up your ass. ask tyler. he said he needs james now. once you get in there and see for yourself you will get it.
i love the euphoria that erases the sadness. it is definitely the emotional room. it brings out people’s emotions. hahaha guess the author of that quote. i used that as my blog title for one of my posts on it, it’s funnier with time.
i like how my posts have brought out the competition in all the dudes i know, they say so to me on email or the PBC has started running, and finishing off with cigarettes. gross.
what did i do the night before this? i look mangled. andrew said i went through the circuit like 4 or 5 times. during a workout i do it only 3 times, and that’s if i’m not late. it pays to work out with a partner cos you push one another. i full on schooled colleague too. he’s 40 though and way lazier than me.
do a little dance or two. have fun. it IS fun. tyler whistles and sings his head off in between moaning and suffering. the tunes are good and loud and you feel like you’re up in a treehouse cos of the windows at tree level and the green grass, all around great atmosphere. quite fond of this place. snif sniff. totally the emotional room and very much a family. the bonus of that is you get to rip on each other and literally throw one another around wrestle combat drill boot camp style. have any platoon or full metal jacket fantasies? realize them then. it’s f’kn awesome. if you don’t, well then i will always be able to beat you up.
sometimes dan is wicked lazy and stubborn so i have to insult and verbally abuse him into competing with me. i posted these backward, this is the warm up. sprinting.
i lapped his ass. at least he was on time though. tsk tsk walter. i am going to have to take them aside to the kidz360 and seal the doors for five minutes of uninterrupted take it to the grave stone cold torture and raymwashing. one part de niro, one part james cappellano and 5000 volts raymiac. yes. i’d be scared too.
ok so where were we. this guy’s pants were my highlight, i said as we left and this last crowd of debbies on the yuppie patio finally had drunk courage to talk to us, they said they thought casie was lady gaga (yes because every platinum girl looks like gaga) which was totally the perfect thing to say. i came over to white pants and spoke through a tropical plant to him about his pants, he loved my outfit bla bla etc said we were in a fashion show around the corner, casie said i was one of the models and they all said we can TELL. so with my newly inflated ego hot air balloon ballet ponytailed head, i floated us on home.
i look pretty tired. i was. this jacket matches my new vic secret pink lace number. maybe i’ll slip it into the film. my scene shoots in four hours. going to try to show at the vanity party first. we’ll see i have lots of blogging and laundry and hangover to do. saturday is my much needed day off. as if that ever happens.
this was very fun. and nerve-wracking. i killed it. youtube is telling me i can get revenue sharing from my runway video. i have like 30 videos now i can do that with, is it worth it? lemme know please.
last minute bathroom break. i went a billion times. this was at the design exchange and we weren’t supposed to be in this part because an installation was being set up, a hipster nerd bunhead with glasses told us off while we were lining up for a runway walk through and farhaad was like EXCUSE ME!? like don’t talk to my girls that way i loved it. great diva clash moment. that’s val toronto gal and urban native girl. dope chicks.
mucking around backstage with nick one of our cameraguys was pretty fun, it got boring at points so then we’d gossip dance around practise our walks, give each other tips and psyched each other into it make some magic and play with the camera. he said watching casie and i was very fun, we need our own show. billionth time mention.
this is when i started crying. exhaustion and passive aggressive bullshit got to me once i read a tweet from my mom it felt honestly like the first time someone was nice to me all fucking day. ya. people think i am a monster (you are the monsters!) and then they meet me and see how pathetic i truly am then they’re like oh, no biggie, but then there are the ones who stand by their decision to hate me and the sweet only comes out when you go phoney baloney on them. i find when i am real, i get trashed on. when i play the game, we all can “get along” it’s disgusting. casie yesterday was like people hate you SO MUCH i have no idea how YOU are doing it. so this leads me to believe there is a mega (hopefully) gossip pool i am missing out on major. teacher said people hate you because they see the undeniable greatness and the something they aren’t doing, i dunno, i am just tired of it is all. ok boring moving on.
my shorts were under scrutiny. guess what, you say you can’t wear these shorts, well i can, and you aren’t me, it’s a fucking fashion show you fascist. bahaha. when i first walked through the adjacent room to the loo everyone was SILENCED by my legs and as i was just about out of earshot i hear stacey mckenzie whisper yes those ARE small shorts. awe.
those are legitimate dancing shoes sent from hollywood from an admirer. i am doing a striptease burlesque performance (so far solo) on july 11 at the grindhouse. it will be my first in ages. i am rejecting fear from here on out i have life by the balls again, which is what one person said when i became a harlette. i don’t have my routine prepared but i am dancing under my blog name RAYMI THE MINX and i will personify exactly that. with tail. if there’s a girl or two who want to be apart of this lemme know raymi@raymitheminx.com it’s for an online clothing store launch party, small stage, good exposure. i’m using it as an opportunity to practise my craft. i want to be a professional celebrity dancer (and barbie and a spaceman and a stegosaurus) and get invited to dita von teese’s house for scones.
on my way there i am like what the hell am i getting myself into? i was kind of flipping out. teacher is very calming and patient and kind of balances me out perfectly. i don’t get to enjoy anything that i do because i am so stressed out all the time. it fucking sucks. i am a raincloud on a parade.
this is so jazz dance and so not fashion. cassi made a little rose brooch out of a zipper and a matching headband also out of a zipper while killing time nervously that day in class. i am wearing the brooch here.
