message from the mayor of burnoutington from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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the naybe savant rainman kid is here chatting with my dad. he is obsessed with the cat and just let himself in to see him. fuck do they ever talk about the lawn forever. they are also wearing the same glasses. waiting for my brother to arrive. dad just brought the cat out he’s not happy ahahaha. this kid is rich as fuck cos he does everyone’s lawn on the street. i love suburban random drop-ins. ok rocky is happy now. giving my brother and dad and linda their matching I’M IN MIAMI BITCH shirts.

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and this would be when my mom left the car keys just sitting there. we walked halfway cross the compound and then she realized it. i sprinted back, still there! lucky!

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nothing like a good twirl. i am terrible at the stripper pole by the way. it’s hard. i had a lesson with carly at flirty girl fitness once. we sucked.

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now this was a performance. we had a great spot on the sidewalk pretty much in the show too.

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needs no caption.

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miss this view.

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honk honk.

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i liked her.

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they were pretty cool too.

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catsuit outfit was a hit.

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it was only flooded in this one part of miami. it was raining a lot, eventually that shit accumulates.

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this pizza was shockingly good.

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a girlfriend of curly got a bit jealous after this was taken. he jumped in there. i tried to reason with her but some chicks are just psycho jealous and threatened. lame.

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we got some good luck out of this.

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love this polish. paddy where is it?

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oh just a few screws loose, not a big deal.

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classy.

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and you think you got ass? you got nothing.

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the short while i rocked the feather headband before trading it in.

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the next afternoon i looked like this.

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creepy driver.

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this strip is a gigantic runway. best people watching place. it just keeps going.

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my hairstyle varied had to side braid it post podium dance.

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yup. you forget you’re only in florida. traveling europeans know what life is all about. butts and beauty.

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my mom is gay for these shoes. i think she thinks she’s roman royalty. she certainly has the feet for ‘em. did i say she bought the same steve madden wedges as me too?

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lois has a buddy holly boner.

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and i have a venti americano misto boner.

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photographing in lieu of strangling. this was a testy evening hahah.

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shoulda took’er for a spin.

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versace’s palace.

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ladies night at blue martini. wednesday. half price martinis. the food is really good too.

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i am down with the drag queens, they know a diva on their team when they see one. didn’t stop her from putting me in my place though when i tried to turn my chair around. love it. i’m a good wing girl.

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you see this toronto? why can’t we be this?

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or that?

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i love those shorts. i want more like them. aa has some nice highwaisters but so expensive. maybe UO is having a sale now or i’ll go ransack the clearance section.

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daycare area consisted of a big sand circle tower built entrapping the tykes.

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this is literally the gayest photo that i have ever seen and you cannot even be offended by that. what is this 1982? i love it.

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kay lois just stand over there let me take your picture ok hang on turning it on and click…holy shit.

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can you spot raymbo?

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mangos is another really fun place.

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before you know it you will be annihilated. easily roped a dude into buying us lots of drinks. lois got mango’d.

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this woman stopped me in the restroom and commented on my dance shoes, asked when i was going up. i blushed. also couldn’t believe my mom was my mom. ex model. gorgeous knows gorgeous.

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no false advertising here.

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they wore AA body suits. tame over here but over there, powerful.

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being tall rules. i’m wearing heels all summer long now.

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it was the chocolate martinis. i love drunk lois.

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it was like dancing with the stars super intense dance moves on the spot.

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then a bit of ho train with live singing.

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it was certainly the night of live entertainment.

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versace’s again.

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i was blushing and screaming like a maniac.

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mj showed up.

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i’m trying to thunder steal by doing nothing. no matter it’s a gay bar (palace bar) anyway but you must go, when the show was over the shirts came off and everyone was just drinking and mingling and dancing. good spot fyi.

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see?

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best vacation ever. i’ll be sad when i finally run out of pictures to blawg.

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this is how you play it cool.

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fabulous.

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that too.

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they were like heavy metal salsa chippendales.

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what are you talking about now woman?

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looks like i’m doing more squats.

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jesus.

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oh hai there.

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our first room at loew’s then we moved on up to 1840.

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this is where my brainchild for flock of seagulls lifeguard dance was born. drunk sun siesta.

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loved this tree. do you know what it is?

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by this point i just gave in to my mom’s bullshit and kept posing no matter what i was wearing lord knows she blasts them all up regardless of what YOU want. meanwhile a tiny balcony of bros were watching.

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i so relate to that guy.

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something was going on behind my mom and i said mom, trust me, this is something you want to see.

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don’t miss the old view anymore i miss this one.

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loved this installation.

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our resort at night. pool open 24 hours. unheard of.

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this was the night i could have seduced steve aoki. should have. mom tired me right out. yes i am blaming you.

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i should have tanned my butt. i’m wearing a thong so relax trolls. fucking sick of you.

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hahahahaa.

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took me awhile to settle on an outfit for dinner. the white shorts won again.

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ok to be continued. off to see my pa!

i am always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart. oh florence.

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kristin won for best footwear.

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i won for best biohazard warning briefs.

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my aunt‘s camera.

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molesting my godmother.

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just kidding.

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mom if i had jugs like you i wouldn’t have to do stupid things all the time.

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then we played dodgeball.

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rock character.

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the show begins.

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very full metal jacket girl for hire. me likey.

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stage mom and me.

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1993 is calling.

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love this art. carri is a fantastic artist.

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was so hot in there. i loved it though i’m still on miami time i want it to be muggy forever. everyone here is complaining. shut the hell up and be happy god knows hearing your complaints about winter for 7 months is just as fun.

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off to grandma’s house.

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last minute hype girl sesh w/ cas.

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i still love the heat despite its styling of my head. i am a feather monstress bird creature.

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the monster what haunts the village from the woods arrives to warn the people.

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that their time is nigh.

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show don’t tell.

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i love performance art.

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and sexy boudoir recreation. ha recreation. wait! those are two words, same spelling.

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my colleague took these. i am knight lancelotting anti-feminist backlash comments from half of “the people” it’s a shame. we had a gas when it was all over and i put my mobile tickle trunk outfits on some girls, they loved it and instantly morphed into the little vixens they are, all it takes is a little nudge. i said that i heard a rumour they wanted to wear some of my outfits and one goes YEAH! i was so lying and she bought it, i died of glee. it’s so healthy to have a laidback relationship with sexuality and flirtation. you know that the human man is the only mammal where it is a necessary requirement for arousal, that’s why women have breasts. when people stifle their urges and who they are, their wants and needs and can’t let loose once in awhile and hit a bawdy show, you don’t have to chastise those who do and then criticize the ever loving hell out of it. i say, good for her. always. when i saw a not so slim girl dancing once on the bar at the painted lady last summer, this man made a derrogitory remark about her. i instantly plucked five bucks out of his wallet slipped it to in her fishnet garter, spanked her bum and said good on ya girl. she danced for a very long time. the guy’s stupid face was frozen. not looking forward to another decade of toronto in the dark conservative ages i tell ya. like i said, i just came back from miami and i am comfortable with butts, sorry that you aren’t. it’s sad when your own friends turn on you. can’t rejoice and be happy, have to slag and insult you. sad on them not me. my head is held high.

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yikes. paddy and teacher insisted on these bottoms. i wanted to match my victoria secret set. they thought the thong was too lewd. next time i will not take their advice. i’ll wear a full body fishnet crotchless suit out of spite.

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I was trying to think of a comment to leave but it’s all just so dumb. A small group of wallflowers leaving their pretentious marks of some wall. I don’t even get what they’re talking about half the time.

ps you looked hot

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carly the perv. love this chick.

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kept my brassiere on, the humidity and moisture made me fear a wardrobe malfunction. i had my flower pasties on. next time will get proper adhesive.

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free bird.

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ooh neat shot.

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next time a black satin cloak. i’ll be a druid.

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the stage as bigger than expected. gratefully so. when paddy did her drowning i was worried she go off to the side the whole time. drown secretly between my legs and i’ll pretend not to notice. thank you drama class.

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village of the damned blondebots. i spy lauren o’nizzle and kaptain kangaroo keri.

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and one of my besties courtney. for some reason the computer has-autosaved her twitter url in my typing field and i have to delete it every time i tweet. what the hell did we do whilst drunk facebooking friday night??? i still have adventurehouse party pics to blog (from that night). more vacation ones too and another bender with jbeth soread. gaaaaaaaawd.

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we toyed with paddy’s persona a bit, it eventually settled on yacht captain stupporn diva.

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and mine was diva lifeguard.

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taking work seriously.

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we were cheeky and campy. burlesque can be anything you want it to be.

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we dance stripped one another. i kind of dance saved her life too like michael jackson beats you up with dance moves and how dance moves cancel out beef. the song if ive minutes long. we covered a lot of territory.

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and a move andrew taught me this morning from TMR i incorporated in to our surfing choreogrpahy, you make a big swoop circle with each leg while lunging on the other. tubular!

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being a director isn’t for the faint of heart or the wallflower. i was stalin as possible and eventually gave in and stopped trying to control it all as time was uber limited.

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everything’s okay, don’t be mad at me raymi cos there’s someone else to save.

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ok fine paddy you get off this time.

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freestyle.

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next i want to dance in a singapore sling glass. hearing me ocad students?

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i kept looking down while dancing amazed and fearful of my crosses coming off. good work taping me up carly.

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then i just lose all sense of reality when my lifeguard armour is unsheathed. paddy pantsed me after i performed mouth to mouth resuscitation. teacher had a fun time watching us rehearse.

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who’s the captain of this ship now guy? paddy is such a bawler she had her own yacht lifeguard.

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what is this suicide girls? ha they wish.

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post show posing.

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what’s wrong squeaky clean image girl? i heard about your fun pride float time oh yes i did.

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where should my inevitable hippie nudist colony be situated? california?

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casie‘s pics now.

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we take a great portrait.

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my red lipstick was in my other bag.

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i want to dance in a big crazy scary mask something like salma hayek in til dusk til dawn. she is amazing.

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did a bit of zoro here, bullfighter there. i’ll do the running of the bulls hell yeah. i use to think it inhumane, still is, but you can’t knock tradition nor fight it. all i’d have to do is copy a chase scene from indian jones open stall market, jump off a tomato cart fling on to a wooden post hanging off a flinstones cave wall, twirl around several 360 degree rotations and up and at em onto the roof of an army truck. don’t think i couldn’t.

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went and said hello to the girls. lauren dressed like a saucy ms. claus for an xmas party. maybe i can persuade her on over to the moulin rouge side.

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look at that horny couple. plenty of people end up necking at sexy shows. saw it all over mangos. loved it.

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no fear.

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i have always been into performance teasing involving drapes and clothes, adds mystery. other-wordly. biblical. fantasial. omg am i a furry?

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i am everything.

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how very 80’s cocaine chic.

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she wanted my attention so she drowned on me. oldest trick in the book.

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it’s ok just surf it out dude.

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evil elitists are such enablers cos they cannot bear to be alone.

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the dark side of disney. a misfit toy. blond raggedy anne dumped andy.

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lois got the same shirt as me in white. we should wear them to emma’s.

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lifeguard culture revival.

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love lois’ kaftan shift dress.

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stage mom. hello mtv canada? yo are missing the boat.

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have mercy on her officers. you can have my personal phone number to discuss.

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i’m coming for ya girls. yee shall be the first to warn. flee flee. sex monster is coming! double entendre lolz.

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i just got out of the shower, what? what do you want from me?

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i look like a drag version of my dad kissing my mom. aw are you two getting back together? lolz. sorry it’s vodka grapefruit aperitif time.

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i look like the muppet babies.

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sawry. ballet class is that-a-way.

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would disneyland kick one out for traipsing in like this? fall down a well into alice in wonderland.

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my aunt. we share many artistic common traits. sharp wit and judgments. bit-a royal diva too. it’s what makes a star. cheers!

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ahhaha didn’t notice the hate mail part. my first book entitled DEAR RAYMI was a collection of hate and love mail. thanks pals! collector’s item now.

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there’s mummsy wummsy holding it back in 2005.

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she took this. obviously.

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carly has a hot bf. they are two peas in a pod. so stoked for them. can we party in floriduh?

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watching my practise vids i saw how powerful it was to be covered, whether by face or cloak. hot minister coming for you.

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paddy got us lat minute binoculars. i am blessed with amazing vision like a hawk.

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mom and lois had to eat gutter pizza cos someone had a piss poor fighting the good war of no outside food law attitude and they are still on a south beach diva high. i snapped at my mother and the dude that i didn’t need this from either of them. a bartender told them it would be ok to leave and then come back with food but then while gone their kitchen opened. amateur hour. this brute was a fucking asshole yes and thankfully mysteriously disappeared shortly thereafter. do you know whose mother you’re railing on kid? i said to him gesturing pissed off as hell, i am BRINGING people in here to eat your food. one hand washes the other. he got a speaking to mom. the point was, how he talked to them you would be livid if anyone spoke to your mother that way. very abusive and rude, talking down to two fifty year olds, disrespectful shithead. when i have bad service it does not get swept under the rug. egotistical servers have no place in this world, we aren’t france you douchebags. smarten up.

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meet adorable cutie randy. raymi and randy.

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i got this.

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ok dinnertime bye! thanks all for the great time! i love seeing each and every one of your faces.

xoxox

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blog killed the artist.

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holy shit that was fun.

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got girls into my traveling tickle trunk once the show was over. was easy. all girls want to be polka dotted disney creatures of tempt. big ups to paddy for bringing it. can’t wait for the next gig. thank you everyone who came! so pleased for hate and heartbreak‘s launch, thanks for the hello kitty pez dispenser!

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it was so sweaty i was terrifed for a wardrobe malfunction. could not find double sided bewb tape so we made do. i didn’t take my bra off just in case. ha see my stage mom. and on the other side my autn was filming. there will be so much footage from this night. happy girl!

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i really wanted to match my top to bottom but paddy and teacher veto’d the thong. til next time.

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i saved someone tonight.

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casie and keri were girl toy soldiers. so dig that outfit. requested it personally. thanks dolls!

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don;t worry mom is already trying to damage control the maximum lewd i intend to share with you here. emphasis on the control.

night guys!

*big ups to jen for getting these out up fast. xoxox a billion.

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Raymi the Minx: in the flesh

Popular (and frequently topless) local blogger steps out from behind the keyboard to perform live burlesque tonight, as part of an ongoing strategy to push her sexed-up persona further into the public realm.

BY: KATE CARRAWAY

basically anything that a vain girl would want to do.

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the event to get in on tonight. max capacity guest list. now closed.

back to practise!

warning. racy. contains thong. you shouldn’t be surfing while at work anyway.

little red minxington from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

now picture this showered diva hair, jewels and more choreography. have to decide which version of cosmic love i want to do. paddy is doing a solo to i’ll be your man by the black keys. i’m about to see her do it for me now! tonight is going to be so fun. so raunchy. raymi von minxette. keep checking the grid for a write up about the event. there’ll be prizes. it’s going to be a warhol happening. eccentric freaks, i call you out. i summon thee. listen to your druid disney princess. omg pumped. rsvp line. each dance on the half hour. 6-9pm THE GRINDHOUSE 365 King Street West.

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TONIGHT! 6-9pm At the Grindhouse. come see rock darlings strip.

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