merkley???: there are mexicans upstairs now
they want your phone number
i showed them your blog
mexicans love your blog
they even renamed their village mexicanada
in your honor of course
i tell the best jokes
i’m really good at word play

me: i wish that was true

i haven’t moved for like the past three hours and i am now desensitized to pictures of food. i am in a rage spiral right now cos flickr keeps sending a stop running scripts thing everytime i drag a photo, it chugs slowly, and then i have to click continue every fucking time YOU GUYS BETTER APPRECIATE MY FOOD FLICKR SET OR I WILL SET YOU ALL ON FIRE! i just tried to fix my painting i fucked up the first nite jamie and deb were here i tried to draw deb‘s boot, incorporate it into my medley painting, except i drew a hoof with a heel instead. painting wasted only works once in a blue moon. next time you come over i will tell you the E! true hollywood story behind the scenes of each one of my paintings, i’ll even do a british accent. i rate that 10 out of 10 for pathetic.

i have to make a second flickr set cos it is taking too long to load, here it is FOODOVERLOAD!

FOODRAYMI flickr set so far, still adding to it, don’t get fat now. i’m not even halfway close to finished adding to this set and there are over 500 pictures!

i love my mom.

hiding from the old people party downstairs.

she ALWAYS has to try on my finds.

oh this is real.

my mom’s blog is now private, email her at tkkerouac@gmail.com if you want an invite to read it.

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i’m someone’s next wife.

that’s blond hair coming in, weird.

here are all the places i visitted once i left the condo

shoppers to mail rizabeff‘s postcard i wrote several days ago, there was a lineup, i waited 20 seconds and some people collected behind me, then i left to tan, waited 5 minutes (since all the univeristy kids are back in town, no joke, they all inhabit my tanning salon, and, they are all dudes trying to extend their spring break/cuba tans and while it is annoying to have to wait a few minutes, sometimes 8, their using of the superbed heats the bulbs up for when i have a go and i think it is more effective for this guy) then supertanned for eight minutes. i tried to pay with a 20 i got out of the machine that had a good portion of itself missing, the tanning chick said sorry no, i pretended i didn’t know it was ripped. no biggie, at the video store renting 28 weeks later the girl took it because my eyes were so dazzling. then sashimi time, i got a small hot sake too and packed four pieces of the seared whatever it is for fil, some wasabi’d rice then went to the wine store to get a bottle of red and white for $6.45 each, nero brand?

then i went to try and mail that postcard again, but there was a line, so i walked out the in way and now i am home i just made fil listen to mariah carey’s fantasy with me, he asked why, i said because it is good, i think it can be considered oldschool if you ever had the experience of a grade eight class trip rollerskating night in quebec city, or you were in the now-defunct vice store on queen and it came on and this fabulous tiny gay guy danced all around you, then you’d get it, if not, then you are fil.

he got a new laptop btw, a *gasp* mac. i told him he got a mac because i don’t understand them and he can cheat on me easier. i DO understand them, i had to learn to navigate that bullshit when i worked at the women’s magazine and then at VICE once upon a time. it’s great for magazines, but i’m not a magazine.

this post is brought to you by sake.

i was thinking after my second cup of sake, that yeah i guess i am kind of weird, but at least i am good looking.

mustard necessary because i have zero self control.

veggie cheeseburger.

RIP jew glasses.

liam the gino.

i have the post long weekend blues, and i am getting sick, and i feel ugly and slow and no one likes me. don’t forget pre-menstrual too.

Phil: ok wow the day is almost done
i will come home soon
soon peach

me: and pray for the ceiling to rain
cos it is the only thing that understands me

haha my eye is fucked.

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dance machine at your service:

no one can resist.

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louboutin madness.

sigh, i want skinny coke arms again.

jamie‘s birthday jambalaya cake.

nana and papa

fil is trying to guess which magnet came from me.

my aunt’s new little dog, emma.

cutest underbite ever.

the necklace this italian girl made and gave to me in mexico, broke during thanksgiving dinner at fil’s mum’s.

i was tugging on it during a story about some loser who was telling fil’s stepdad at the bar how he gave ME my “ideas” and it pissed me off so much my necklace exploded, hundreds of beads everywhere. thanks a lot douchebag from the pub.

here’s the email i sent him:

dude, do you know how pathetic and untrue it is to be telling my parents-in-law that YOU gave ME my blog ideas!?
stop talking about me dude or i will embarrass you to all hell on my blog and which ideas did you give me that i carried out exactly?
cos all i can remember is you trying to sell me this venture capitalist bullshit that never fucking happened and was nothing but garbage and a guise to get me to hang with you at the bar while you ate a burger in front of me
and then you shit-disturbed with adan’s gf, way to be a winner
have fun partying at ****** for the rest of yer days and ps i have been blogging for 8 years now, way before i ever even knew you
bravo

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my nana’s collage. she had done all my cousin’s except for mine and i said hey where’s mine? then she finally made it, and it’s the biggest one, to compensate maybe? pretty funny.

i was married young.

GO JAZZ! if you can believe it i am supposed to be a bad boy from disney’s pinnochio, that was the theme that year, you know the ones that turn into donkeys? the blue unitard is from ballet, i was 4 maybe.

that’s my papa as santa.

look how slutty i was in grade 5.

blurry cos i was laughing too hard.

i’m psyched to be wearing my winter coat under my costume.

here’s some more catskills/woodstock photos as promised.

barfEliving.

they smell disgusting. good prank is to put them in someone’s suitcase.

this guy was wearing the same outfit the next day.

17.99 in america, 35.99 in canada.

this is what fried brains looks like.

yeah, we know.

hung!

i put some videos from nuit blanche up on my youtube.