aka stoner snack 101. when will there be a term for drunk munchies? anyway, this usually happens when you don’t eat enough before going out and then on the way home fil someone says aw come on do you really need to go to the store i’m not hungry ok fine we have those pita chips i can deal then muhfuckur eats the entire bowl lying down in bed before you even make it back from the bathroom.

trying to describe (to someone who has not yet experienced their perfection) what these little bitches taste like would be like trying to describe a monet to a blind person.

fil it’s your turn to clean the stove.

oh god yes.

find a nice pita break it in half flavour side down and get the light laughing cow cheeses you really won’t be able to tell the difference from the regular guys.

break a cheese in half to spread it out cos it’s so rich.

then top it off with one of these party guests. you’d think it’d take away from the whole equation but actually it adds to it, brings all the flavour together nicely. if these were laid out on a platter at a party in a corner of the room and you were the only one who noticed you’d eat the entire fucking tray i bet you 500 dollars.

and now for my other new discovery last nite that i am “making a thing” – i realized that guys are the new girls, seriously, these four quacks were just gabbin’ away like no big thing at all meanwhile us four broads sat all in a row totally ignored and once you finally got a word in they’d just stare blankly at you then go back into their sex and the city world. i know! when did this happen? guys are like livin’ large all independent and casual and uh whatever it was funnier to me at the time. another good zinger to brosz7 was you’re so drunk you couldn’t even play the triangle then he pissed himself laughing at it for a bit. he considered himself a 4/10 for drunk at the time HA right! more like an 8.9 guy can’t even tell his own drunk also it is illegal for guys to admit that too. one more thing i like how wordpress now identifies ‘brosz7′ as a real word and doesn’t underline it in red.

UPDATE: brosz7 puked up his big mac and has since admitted to being over an 8. i win and am always right.

i keep going over in my head all the things i did and did not say. sean and i want to do more of these presentations. in fact when i was up there one woman interrupted and asked if i did it all the time i was so entertainy i said over the mic uh do you think i should? then all the women fiercely nodded their heads off. nice. so one thing, i’m going to expand on my points and put out a how to be famous on the internet book. why i haven’t already ugh anyway, my other emo book can wait. secondly more of these talks now that i’ve done it the scared has gone away.

haha.

sass blogged a little bit of the evening portion of wednesday nite (that i still haven’t) sean covered both the day and eve’s events as did casie.

i should get that dress in other colours too eh?

and just like that the book stack painting is SOLD.

still in progress both of these. cid stepped in some maroon paint and i had to chase him around with a bundle of wet napkins, guess how he took to that ugh.

time to tidy the junk chair.

the bad kids are in the park right now i totally wouldn’t mind at all if every single one of ‘em burst into painful agonizing flames newp, wouldn’t bat an eyelash. i’m sorry but there is just something amazingly irritating about on the cusp of puberty boys’ screeching voices, yelling at the top of their lungs for no &%#$^# reason and banging shit like crazy against trees and every single metal piece of the park. i need to move into a hot air balloon far far away from here. oh nice they’ve moved on to whistling now.

interesting coincidence with the title i chose for this post. the value of jen‘s painting (that i need to give her sometime this decade) just went up.

i must have a proper finished product photo of it somewhere.

sweat machine.

freaking out.

then rob was finally finished (he will just talk and talk and talk if you let him but it was good cos i was nervous and needed more time to hang with yankee jim) petitefashionista went afterward then i went last and all the nerves just disappeared the second i got up there i made everyone laugh quite a bit, they felt me and were impressed by my steez. some people fear public speaking more than death. fact. i tried to remember business classes and pretty much every single class ever how much i enjoyed giving presentations (when i was prepared for them) and talking for as long as possible.

then everyone got to see from where the magic happens. good thing it wasn’t hello kitty or lindsay lohan.

sean was a great help, he took some vids and snaps with his camera so you’ll have to wait on those. thanks guy.

all done so relieved, met many an interesting person afterward and exchanged cards, looking forward to future partnerships and maybe some more speaking engagements.

piece a cake.

more photos from the rest of the evening later.

i had 7 pages full of stuff i wanted to talk about and if i was nervous enough i woulda just read right through all of it in one minute. i think holding the microphone calmed me right down, at first rob was speaking without one then petite went up and she speaks so quietly someone asked if she could use a mic. i opened with my niche being for those who are 5’5 and up and everyone laughed, every time you get a laugh endorphins release. i used the term ‘cray cray’ then explained it meant crazy. more laughs. i was exactly myself and it all worked just fine. rob says i shouldn’t swear but what does he know every time i dropped an f-bomb or said shit everyone seemed to relax a little bit more. i’m not changing for anyone all those alleged non-existent grannies can blow me.

i can’t log into twitter and it is sad and what’s sad about it is the fact that i am actually sad about it. all i want right now is a little coffee distraction and to plunk some dumb links up in thur for my peeps. one top reason i dig the twitter is you don’t have to make an entire post just for some random thought that came to you just put it in twitter and then someone decides it was actually funny and they let you know BAM instant gratification. anyway, i’m makin’ time here when i should be showering but i am too nervous/pumped to get up off the couch yet. they’re touting me as a DIVA for this speaking engagement “Meet Raymi Lauren, the diva behind RaymiTheMinx.com” great so when i actually say something bitchy i won’t be able to escape that title. who decided on that i’d like to know. i mean, i can sort of sing but i’m not exactly mariah carey-like demanding. i have a handout for everyone, key points to go through as well as like 6 pages full of minutea charting my entire internet footpath. on the one hand should i be intimidated by these corporate business types or should i own it i mean, they’re coming to learn how to do what i have achieved. i am way over-thinking this. the weather isn’t helping either i was planning to bike over, just as well i suppose, easier to cab. biking with laptop is pretty annoying and painful and i show up hella more sweaty than just with my purse.

also what the hell should i wear for this???? PS. it’s 433 king st. west not 533

they’re still filming in our hood and a tent is set up in the park and we keep seeing hipster-types swinging on the swings. hipsters do not hang in this hood so they’re clearly cast members. fil zoomed in with his camera last nite on their faces to see if one was michael cera. so far no michael cera. i wanted to be like hey guys come hang out at our place the only stipulation is you have to bring michael.

Sean & Raymi discuss the issues from Sean Ward on Vimeo.

*i say internet celebrities are irritating – i meant celebrities WHO internet are irritating. i am an internet celebrity and i certainly am NOT irritating.

oh and i say “because they love themselves” – clearly wrong grammar oh um wait i mean i was talking street so it is totally acceptable. i say something pretty over the top during my vanity spiel that sean cut off cos it was too kanye west gw hates black people. chicken. sean not me, you know how i do. i say the shit then think a week later.

so much more where that came from.

credit to my bro UNAGI for use of an old time fave track shock and awe.

Aww sweetest email ever!

I’ve been reading your blog for a long time; It’s the only blog I read. Just wanted to say thanks.

Sarah

May’s not over yet so here’s the rest of the 2008 posts from last year!

what my hair will look like someday.

note to self: don’t try on swimsuits when suicidal.

and yes i feel like a prick for writing this, but sometimes i just have to say these things, on the internet, for thousands and thousands to read.

rum smoothie time in aunt raymi’s kitchen.

i let fil out by himself last nite, this guy was tres fatigue, FAT AND GAY, and wanted to stay in and not drink the alcohols.

i think it makes me look bigger than i am, back to my point of if you wear too big a size then you look bigger and not covered up at at all.

absolutely none of these dance moves are redundant. this video has been viewed over seven thousand times.

fil ordered it ages ago and kept it a secret from me all this time so the photos of me holding it are kinda creepy sorry maybe even too creepy for you.

wine we smuggled into the muvie and guess what it worked, i loved it! when it was over i threw it to the chairs beside us where the talking too much chewing popcorn with their mouths open couple sat, burn.

fart!

yeah that really panned out.

gave up on that one too.

i miss that shower curtain.

I WILL MEET YOU IN THE PARK AND FIGHT YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS.

i told you when i’m cocked the ego meter rests at ten

how to make shrimp cocktail sauce raymi’s kitchen video.

you’ll note that i am NOT playing the guitar in this, anyway, i am a raspy whispery shy ghost here because it was totally impromptu.

hey look, it’s me on shrooms dust and drunk and dancing from 2005!

totally miss those aladdin slippers.

so bob’s your uncle FIL YOU GOT ENOUGH SHOTS AND WE’RE DONE HERE.

brad wasn’t planning on having a big PARty (nfld pronunciation) but it turned into one anyway that’s for fucking sure.

rescue remedy review.

before the long blondes we slummed at the beer station and these guys were sitting across from each other lip synching to bohemian rhapsody

dear toronto HUG

look it’s me in a vintage ferrari!

yesterday was BRUTAL all day long fuzzy retard headed anyway blah blah my life is a party what else is new etcetera and so on.

don’t worry, i’m sick of me too. JUST KIDDING I LOVE ME!

what do you do for memorial day anyway, go through all of your memorialies?

some lost fred perry shoot pics.

meet jade!

a day with mum.

this is what time to go home looks like.

i feel old: sober movie laundry patio furniture nite yes!

omg what should i wear tonite guuuuuuys?

this post caused a huge fight.

MG at massey post.

in the words of kiki dunst, DEPRESSION NOT ADDICTION I SWEAR IT!

new purse new pants new dress new life

i got the sniffles yesterday from a dumb late nite patio move sunday evening then riding my bike home practically naked in the chilly wind, the sniffles are gone now and i think the possibility of a cold has sailed, phewf. i had to bail on tattoo’s i met the walrus book event last nite cos my nose wouldn’t stop running all goddamn day long i went through infinity kleenexes.

oh head’s up, tomorrow’s speaking engagement has outgrown the spoke club’s space so it’s been changed:The address is 533 King Street West in cool loft style space of ICON Home Design (owned by BlackLine Studio Parlour) It is the South side of King just west of Spadina. more info here.

This is the during the day thing that’s separate from the top 12 bloggers thing which will still be at the spoke club that evening.

i’m pretty nervous, i haven’t publicly riffed in a long time, i need to have steve martin on speed dial or that city tv guy. if they can suffer from anxiety and constantly perform then so can i right? i guess tomorrow we’ll see ha.

got a slew of new footage to work with featuring sean and i’s feelings concerning certain ISSUES. he should have a video up by a little later on today. update: he blogged behind the scenes yesterday’s stuffsicles.

i eat for a portion of filming it seems like the longest meal ever. when the server brought it to me she apologizes for giving attitude downstairs and it’s all caught PROOF i am habitually treated like garbage from bitches – it makes me look like mother fucking theresa, all humble and no problem abouting it haha.

my hairstyle changes at least 30 times too. something mesmerizing about talking and looking at yourself. don’t worry, we discuss vanity and i kinda go on a tangent a few times.

if you ever have to film something go to the green room upstairs during the afternoon.

jamie even makes a cameo as he called me at one point.

sinus clearing jerk what fil made.

me bummed cos i had to stay in (totally tired anyway so it was just as well).

ok back to speech-tweaking wish me luck!