it’s true. i even took down some notes last nite just to expose this disgusting horrendous affront to my fellow bitches on the ole blog today. i know, it’s because i care. you don’t have to thank me all at once.

anyway, fil ripped one and i felt it big time from the other side of the couch and i was like wow that was mega extreme and he goes well it’s supposed to be cos i’m a man. oh really now? so are my farts supposed to be whimsical little music notes cos i’m a chick? who decided men are supposed to blast roofs off and women aren’t? how long have we been suppressing our solid ass explosions for (YEARS) because we aren’t supposed to do that and because we are “ladies” holy stupid taboo. we have the same parts (save for genitals) yet biologically, apparently ours don’t work like yours (dudes) do?

enough already, i’m sick of this same old tired charade, pretending to be all demure and polite because that’s how nana does it. for a woman to even conceive of farting it’s just “not allowed.” here’s another thing fil said, “i feel like i’m hanging out with a gross boy” after i let one fly ok fine yeah fil isn’t a sexist pig but i get where he’s coming from, it’s ingrained in all of us to see it this way. i dunno why but it’s just extra disgusting when a woman farts. like a clown crying. one extreme to another etcetera.

my mother kept hers to herself throughout my parents’ entire marriage together no wonder she was so fucking wound up (she let them go in front of me though and once in awhile accidentally in front of my brother then denied it like crazy) and whatever OOOH NO DON’T EVEN WRITE ABOUT ME FARTING get over it. mom guy, you fart. unless there is something physically wrong with you, you DON’T. so stop pretending this is breakfast at tiffany’s i totally just heard you blast a hole through the wall when you were folding laundry there nice try.

i am also sick of farting in front of friends and them having the nerve to act like i didn’t just eek one out (ps mine don’t smell they’re just wicked loud like, shockingly) HELLO yes that earth shattering deep baritone eruption was me don’t all of a sudden get busy with that napkin in your hands i KNOW you heard that. this is especially annoying with new friends too. everyone’s pretending to have manners. BORING.

when fil and i started dating i was the first one to fart (massively) which set the tone (haha GET IT!) opening the fart floodgates but before that he endured a fartless 7 year relationship can you believe it? not possible. i think i tried that with my first boyfriend, attempting to silence huge rippers that take like ten minutes (longest minutes of your life) to get out, so uncomfortable on multiple levels. dude KNOWS you’re farting, you’re not invisible, the expression on your face shows it all, your one word responses all of a sudden, yeah, so farting. you end up torturing that person with your inability to just let it out freely you fucking control nazi way to go.

ok i’m done i just wanted to point out that sexism is STILL and likely always will be hugely present in terms of women farting, it’s super annoying (especially when some fat disgusting slob opens his mouth about it) and i wish would just go away.

it just pisses me off listening to my brother and dad cut them like crazy then it’s my turn and they are like straight up EW about it. you guys are grossing me out over here and have the audacity to be offended by my one little addition to the party. total hypocrites.

also i will lose my mind if i don’t crap today.

oh and check out the banner i made for alicia! ms paint SKILLS!

once i discovered this flamboro downs vision of a hat i wore it the rest of the weekend.

first and only sigh in this post take it in.

what’s up?

not much who’s your friend?

get out much 1981?

MARTHA WUZ HERE!

barf.

barf.

total barf. just kidding you guys i took 50 pictures of this little pocket. wait til i reveal it bathed in sunbeams get ready to DIE.

hey.

thank you for cutting my head off asshole.

hmm actually maybe it was for the best.

barf.

yes it was pretty (refreshingly)(oh relax big mouth) quiet without brosz7 around. we were getting his drunk updates over the wire from another cottage he was at.

barf.

super barf. ok that joke is old now i’ll stop.

DEEP.

sage is the best. most funny when she jumps over the canoe all sloppy to get in the water and the canoe wobble knocks around all against the dock.

wiley has a thousand different faces. i mean, that’s what i hear anyway.

coming to you on a christmas card very soon.

looks a little gross eh. kinda scant on the condiments for dressing. this is trout. tastes exactly like salmon. maybe the geniuses at the supermarket fucked it up?

a new addition.

rifle o’clock it’s hunting time!

more like fire o’clock guys what’s wrong with me what’s with the commentary over here right now i feel like i’m hosting a game show no one watches. i’ll just run with it.

oh you again thought i’d see you around here.

trend setter!

i am into that money style printed dishware, you know what i’m saying? me either. the important thing though is at least i know how i feel.

this sort of grossed me out and made me laugh. success.

something having to do with that eyeball lookin’ at me no matter where i am in the room also maybe the rockstar vodkas ten thousand of ‘em and all the candy.

time to get wacky.

now that is gross. wiley bit at his belly and legs all weekend long, mosquito bites, he’s all raw and red, gives you full body goosebumps just watching it go down.

sage the martyr.

oh man i just realised halloween is just around the corner.

why are guys’ heads so giant? rhetorical don’t answer that!

you totally forgot you ate asparagus then are gifted with a blatant reminder an hour later in the john. sick.

ha ha wiley.

not gonna sigh.

ok sure i’ll have one of these.

then i had two new friends.

ha ha sage so manipulative.

HAHAHHA

showin’ off the epitome of trashed out hair pulled through without a ponytail holder. fil claimed he and steve used to wear their long hair like that all the time.

EWWWWWWWWWWW!

fil is super lucky we never met back then even though i’d have been 13 omg do you guys think i’d have a chance?

i snagged that lure on a rock on my first cast SORRY DAVE!

well maybe it was my second cast. either way it still sucked. after that dave gave me a shitty worm floater.

feelin’ this look pretty bad.

then the sky got really black, couldn’t capture it very good on my camera.

sorry!

hahaha sexy. we didn’t catch anything.

i love that little pilgrim house across the water.

these SO are good and fruity. the box doesn’t lie!

guys lets watch snl!

fancy.

ok this was long here’s a video goodnite.

this weekend i felt like i ate like a total pig, so much candy and chips and was not looking forward to weighing myself when we got home. shocked to see no change. maybe it was the trout? anyway who cares. had a great workout with britt yesterday at her gym, going again thursday for a consultation with a trainer. i might join the gym, seems pretty cheap. oh and there was a stripper with huge fake tits working out in the weight room with us, very entertaining.

feelin’ scowly? why yes, yes i am.

weather was good off and on this weekend.

long car rides get boring.

this thing is so obviously a wig wonder how people we passed felt about it.

this post is just all of the drive up haha tricked ya.

FASCINATING.

how many are sentimental over these blasted out rocks? everyone? thank you.

if you need me i’ll be sighing til i faint.

hair braid in prep for opening the windows.

look my ear zzz.

the next post will suck less. promise.

finally some action!

why am i the only one who cares about fireworks and enhancing everyone’s overall experience? hello i’m talking here why did you just drive past that place why didn’t you stop omg i know you can hear me!

great for a visit. i have no idea how you deal all year round i really don’t. felt like a fucking celebrity walking in to the IGA.

huh?

phoning it in, guys.

cue singles soundtrack.

home again and am i ever morose oh boy. september’s here summer’s over i have so much to catch up on ACK! (cathy voice)

here’s a couple of leslie’s photos from the ex for now.

this is how fun i am all the time.

ten hundred cottage pictures coming right up.

I LOVE LORD OF THE RINGS MONOPOLY!

oh right keep all your dance cards open for early october – planning a massive party. details coming soon…

hi.

just a few tardos to start this thing off. gotta hit the road pretty soon. haha cat show.

no one informed me it was their intention to hit ribfest. thanks guys now i have fatty ribs and this disgusting thing in me.

the wind and ominous clouds were freaking me out a little in the beer garden but the rain held off pretty good so once we were adequately lubricated we hit the rides.

along the way two girls stopped leslie and i and asked if we’d bought any tickets yet i was all duh doye um well we’re planning on it, not getting that they were going to give us their all day ride wristbands. solid!

the only ride we got the boys on and they pointed out the hydraulics and mechanics of it the entire time here shut up drink this flask.

we also went on that mars spinning thing. bad idea i almost barfed. the kid stopped the ride sooner on account of me turning green (we think) i covered my face the whole way through and shut my eyes.

look i’m the first one off this thing!

when the wall slides up from the centrifugal force all of my hair slid into the side panel too and that freaked me out. when i was a teenager i loved this ride cos you can lay in these inappropriate poses and stick like that the whole time in the hopes the dude in the middle notices. teenage chicks are such sluts man!

i won leslie a big prize and by won i mean matt paid for all of our rounds and between the two of us i got it done. the announcer guy was awesome, totally baked.

this video pretty much sums up fil and i’s entire existence together:

this one too. i know he’s taking a video, well at first i don’t but then i do and then i pretend (terribly) not to know and then i ruin it at the end as usual ha.

more highlights next time byeeeeeeeee friends!

geothermal

lazy ass here. here’s two amazing vintage stores, one of which i forget the name of on markham in the mirvish village, just south of bloor, you know the spot. there’s 6 all in a row on the west side. i’m hoping going through photos of clothes will temporarily curb the desire to attain more stuff i will never wear. i’ve at least ten dresses hanging up in my closet right now (likely more) that never make it out, have never made it out. i really need to tone it down.

first up is the most southern store on the block, closest to the victory. i had the card laying around here for the longest time too and can’t for the life of me remember the name of the place. any help?

they’ve got everything, and lots of dude stuff too.

i tried to take my mom and niece here and my mom totally balked at the idea of vintage. ok so you’ll kill time in a shitty salvation army yet won’t bother to browse a boutique that makes a point of carrying the nicest things, cleans and fixes them?

wish you bought it now fil? i kinda do. it’s basically fall now anyway. i find it hard to buy warm clothing in the summer, i’m in total denial when summer shopping and that’s so dumb cos that’s when you come across all the best jackets for half the price.

vintage spot two remember SPACE? where i bought my cow milking, butter churning dress.

no clutter here.

rosaries are cool now. i forgot to tell you that.

bye dudes.

just kidding, there’s more.

before that we had hangover food and hair of the dog with the b&b’s.

i find when i’m hung i crave everything and nothing. wanted grease but not too much.

predictable fil.

what’s up patio cat? i remember a cat wandered into my public high school once, it was pretty hilarious.

everyone was a fan.

that’s all folks.

so much for the ex today, stupid rain.

took us a few to get the wheel spinning, it was jammed or they are weaklings and i wasn’t any help as i was filming it but once it got going oh man, it goes.

after this ride my eyes were twitching in my head and i couldn’t make them stop, just had to give it time. the feeling you get in your stomach gives you the giggles. fun day. there’s no way fil could handle it, the barrel ride, he doesn’t do spinny. he went on the swan boat ride with sass though haha zoooooom zzzz and sass put up some niece hang time pics up on her blog. here too. i took the day off yesterday, killer week so zonked. i’ll get some goodies up once the coffee hits.

(yes i wore that dress two days in a row)