the most flattering thing happened at work last nite. that guy who wanted to interview me about smoking weed (time window closed as all things tend to do for potheads, hmm, funny thing that) came by the central. we had just gotten busy so i didn’t really have a chance to talk and he was leaving anyway, but, as he left he slips me a five (just cos, didn’t even serve him) and proclaims pretty much to the entire bar i just want to tell you something, thank you for inspiring me to write. i threw my arms around him, said something retarded, then went back to work.
these little encounters/interactions with human beings are exactly the reason why i do this.
earlier on in the afternoon i bumped into jessica at some little coffee spot, my bladder was full and there wasn’t a bathroom. she was wearing shades in the window sitting alone, called out RAYMI to me. we gab for a bit and she opens up about depression. i tell her, don’t let it consume you, see the light at the end of it all, your stress, your life, your work, school, it’s only temporary. don’t let it be the bigger. i’m a sad, sad guy sometimes. i can find ten thousand reasons to be sad and sometimes i find i rather enjoy indulging myself in grandiose self-proclomations of oh my, i just can’t go on. but i know that i can because i’m not done failing at life yet and you aren’t either.
yesterday was such a great time, the weather, the company, the lets just amble and those days are reasons to not be sad, to not pack’er in cos you know there’ll be more and more of them.
it was suggested i take emo raymi and run with her for awhile. write a suicide letter a day. i think that would ring the alarm a little much but what are suicide letters if not but self love letters, no? dear world this is me and why you can no longer have me. it’s one’s last missive and truest self-realisation i think which is quite a pity but yes, write yourself a love letter a day, really fall in love with yourself. i guess that’s what i’m already doing here.
it’s not that i wanted to be famous, i just wanted to be something and i knew i’d have to make do with the looks i’ve got to make that happen. you try being flat as fuck with a big nose, see how quickly you grow a personality. blogging is merely my instrument.
harlettes rehearsal has been bumped an extra hour so now i got some time to dick around a little more, my personal favourite. i think i’m goin’ with the name Babette Von Vamp if they don’t poo poo it on me. maybe i’ll look up some Transylvanian names.
have an awesome day.
no wait, one more pretentious thing before i go. when i just moved in with mel and lucas i discovered the shower radio, for some point or other i mentioned it and how i liked groovin’ in there some days. it was posed to me, why, or, big deal rather. to which i said, it just makes me feel a part of the world which for the most part i make a point to notice how much i don’t feel a part of anything. ever.
time for some new shorts. i was so close to cutting a pair of highwaisters that aren’t mine. pretty sure that’s worse than banging your friend’s ex boyfriend. probably.
that took forever to wash off my hand. cool idea!
paaaaaaaatio.
cigarette paul got his way and got us over to his afterhours around the corner.
no captions rushing to get out of here.
tattoo healing looks like crap. here’s the third thing i’ve ripped off allison. guess the first two.
turns out it was not hot enough for beach weather which essentially was a good thing as it forced me to be somewhat adult and do some rhasta bodega shopping. tomorrow mayhaps i’ll plant my hangover in the sand for a few hours.
ok i think the birthday blues are hitting me, or premenstrual, combo. i will probably cry at some point(s) tonight. GAYYYY.
the only thing i did on this list was mail postcard. well no i got some mix and snacks and food. but no coffeebeans which was the first thing i wanted to get. everything is closed today, way to fuck shit up for us heathens, damn catholics. i said that to our cab driver in niagara falls and he chuckled, then it got awkward like, we were collectively trying to figure out how far to go with it. then it was simply dropped. religion talk is oh so boring. that gumball machine is a magnet from the falls. it reminds me of my brother, a finger painting he did in preschool that’s in his baby book. SEE i have a heart.
it’s been far too long since i’ve done a meticulously boring raymi’s kitchen post. i eat like a frat boy now, when you don’t have anyone else to cook for you are so what’s the point about it. everything here cost 29 bucks. not bad.
two orders of thigh/drum for ten bucks. didn’t feel like dealing with raw and marinating also, nothing open so just go to the experts.
i’d really like some rum on hand ’round the clock to mix with pineapple or ginger beer, pina colada. jameson and grey goose will have to do for the nite unless a post post party comes by this way then i’ll order some booze.
roommates gone for the weekend, neither responded to my where is the olive oil text so butter and fancy olive oil (i’ll replenish) it is.
normally i do a yellow pepper cos they’re sweeter and seem to absorb jerk perfectly.
don’t brown your onions too much they’ll just get lost, you want ‘em kinda fat and slimy. throw that other crap in there. don’t forget to keep tabs on your basmati.
use any beans you want. drain the water out of the can (moron) and give ‘em a quick rinse through a strainer.
filthy stove not my doing (is clean now). throw your jerk chicken in there, remove the skin if you want or just put it in your mouth. inhale one of the drumsticks cos you are starving.
pour some of the jerk juice up in hurr, don’t waste the flavour. you could also pour some into the rice but don’t use it all, just cos, i don’t think your heart will be happy about it in the long run.
i was going to get brown rice basmati but was worried it would take longer to cook and apparently i have somewhere to be and don’t have the extra five minutes for brown rice?
gorgeous and i only used half the jar of jerk cos i already bought seasoned chicken. used to do this with rotisserie chicken from loblaws too for other retarded made up dishes. so healthy haha.
mad leftovers. looks like i’ll be seein’ thru time all weekend long (shit is hot, guy).
here’s an attractive one, snotting out my nose greasy as hell. i should show up to party tonite like this all fat stomach john belushi-styles. see i was dressed to sweat it the f out in the sand. sad face.
when i was walking around queen west i was thinking about how my summer day activities were going to be whimsical, grimy and awesome. wake ‘n bake, make some art, write, put on some stupid outfit, go buy some odds and ends, cook it up, hit the beach. ride my bike. fantastic. it feels like summer was only just here. my mind has blanketed out a lot of the last several months. i still have new city eyes and i still feel like a lovely ghost most of the time. i feel alive and new and special, even when i’m sad, i still find some reason not to be.
following a fantastic nite and day away i come home to this.
shucks.
haha in the background it looks like a jerk-off nitestand. the tp is for nail polish remover. the lotion is for tattoo, lay off me perverts!
so meaningful. even my tears are barfing right now.
perfect.
gorgeous vintage choker previously owned by an awesome g-ma. maybe i’ll wear it tonite.
left a few trinkets on their bed. melodie will laugh her balls off at that pin, got one for clem too as he is a sexist mawfucker. lucas gets 2pac. can’t show you the necklace cos i got one for all the girls at central and i know they lurk this thing. it’s bad enough i already blew my stupid postcard surprise because i am an impatient lunatic.
i whimpered out loud when i opened this sucker up.
i almost fainted too. had to take a seat.
gaaaaaaaah!
insane.
still in shock. this is like, meant for me.
guess my next party will be WINO EYE-MAKEUP themed. rules are, you don’t get to start applying eyeliner til after you blow over .08 then we all head to wrong bar.
you can have your “special” “real” birthday dinner in the big bad city like you always fuckin’ do or you can put some distance between yourself and it.
no road hhead.
and now where are we? so swank!
i love weird. i know i was talking about how unphased i am by weird before but that’s because i am a dickhole. weird is great. out of comfort zone? splendid! throw in a mass exodus of people in a lit-up carnival-style tourist trap built around one of the seven wonders of the world? stop it my brains are orgasming. plus you get to say all night long IT’S MY BIRTHDAY.
this conversation SERIOUSLY took place. make a right the falls are that way. (as he’s turning left) no no RIGHT. him: how do you know? silently, maniacally, i gesture wildly at sign stabbing air with world’s most pointed finger ever. OH you mean those falls. i just packed a bowl so this is gonna get jokey. someone asked me how long these posts take which i interpret as what is wrong with you aka how DO you do it raymi? more so, why/how? or my other favourite which i invented, “why come?” well i can tell you how at least, for now, and it rhymes with carijuana.
um if the kingdom is lost how did those birds get found?
so many pictures of the same shit over and over at different times of day it was literally like going in circles. they cram everything so close together for all the lazy suburban tourists.
blues brothers 101.
home base.
kissing insane disney times square what the fuck is going on? street.
all work and no play make raymi something something.
get ma pose on.
27 in there. as previously mentioned, i am now a member of eligible for the 27 club (wikipedia it i am too lazy right now to hyper-link) also another member of that club whom i admired for many a year during mainly some formative ones, my tattoo has some cobain significance surely, (and g-ma) it’s nirvana weekend all weekend long (deathiversary) on some buffalo rock station, etc etc. now luckily i ignore coincidences and am not superstitious but i can’t help but to feel a little jinxed. i already drove myself literally insane once before thinking things “meant” something. that is all.
viewtastic.
i like the greek olympiad architecture. such a gladiaor boner, russell crowe. fuck yeah.
oh hi oh hi.
see how a bra turns me into a friggin’ cartoon character bunny stripper?
kinda scurry.
you get used to it.
one of us has heights phobia. what’s the actual term for that?
ok we get it.
free birthday shit. welcome to niagara falls here’s CN TOWER chocolates: the place you shoulda went. ahhaha.
maple, of course. no irony included. this would be the beginning of non-stop shit consummation. no wait that truck stop was, he got dairy queen i had tim horton’s. i consider that garbage too.
i so over-packed. 1. i am a girl 2. as my moods change i change my clothes 3. i over-think and over-plan, i worry about potential changes in climate, atmosphere, destination it’s annoying but so what. i am a canvas and i like to reinvent. i don’t do boring. i need variety.
just crap upon crap all stacked atop one another. i love it. slow tourists, i do not. they’re so STUPID. MOVE GUY GET OUT OF THE FUCKIN’ WAY CITY WALK COME ON. i swear to god their brain only works when their feet is in motion. the lights aren’t even on and no one is fucking home. it’s their diets i think and their kids and the giving up, settling. just.can’t.take.another.step.or.make.another.decision. but please just shuffle out of the path of foot traffic you lazy sloth. FUUUUUUUUCK. it didn’t bother me this time around actually, wasn’t crabby at all, it totally amused me. i felt smug as shit and content. don’t think you wouldn’t either.
we didn’t go inside any of this shit. no wax museum, no haunted house no nothing. just candy stores, a bar, casino, strip joint, some lounge then another bar. we got right crushed. left my camera in the hotel for those things though. it was like a vacation from myself.
GAAAAAHHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
oh yeah a cabbie sang me happy birthday on our way back from vice lounge (where they played all the songs i wanted to hear, and accidentally twice haha) he was getting nervous about it and kept trying to bail on his singing commitment but i kept egging him on even though i felt shy too.
went here today to get some junk. i love the rock heads, so grotesque.
james hetfield’s all RAAAAAHHH! and maddona’s like LIFE IS A MYSSSSSTERRRRYY! and elvis goes huu-aaaay bebe real slow and croony while marley takes an enormous dump.
vedder looks great HAHAHHA
mick is hilarious too and whoever drew tina just plain old gave UP.
great back drops everywhere.
no tourists in sight. this street is like a block too far for them and it’s so not even far away either.
yuh-oo-hoo sweet little aryan girl it’s Das Führer. huh what?
not today dude you look mahfuckin’ grouchy. yeah i’m gonna go ahead and put that little corner over there in the BUZZKILL category.
kinda played the you find it you get to pose with it game for a bit.
such a fucked up place i adore it.
went to the very first bar in niagara. totally forget the name of it.
hmm what’s going on tonite oh, nothing? that’s what i figured.
I’M WHAT’S GOIN’ON NIGGAS!
i need to start hangin’ with younger non-shaky handed dudes.
red flag couldn’t get over it. what? makes total sense to me. consider the territory.
i read the components to this appetizer and kinda got ADD halfway through right at the part where ANCHOVIES began. such a retarded concoction. whatever. don’t let stoners design your menu.
woman said they were known for their wings. is that right? so you’re known for mediocrity? WIIIILD. then she essentially cornered us into complimenting how great they were. lying to strangers is fun.
lets do this.
glow in the dark mini golf in a place like this? yawn.
oh god i am so craving more sweets. is that how it starts? we ate so much retarded shit. for me totally out of the norm. lots of chocolate candy. so good.
i love photographing these they always photograph well. i’d never eat one though.
i am not a product of consumer victimization. well, not in places like these. all it is is a dressed up variety store with a few fudge showcases. mmmmmm fuuuudge.
i am mawing down the caramel candies kamila threw in that bag of clothes thanks to these pictures like, i cannot unwrap them fast enough hahaha.
alright i’ll can the hate for a sec and admit this is quite high in the adorable department.
oh jesus.
a syropy sweet sugary rich sugar cone rolled like a doobie dipped in rich chocolate oh right and filled with caramel.
peanut butter cookie pop that i ate the shit out of.
something doesn’t sit right about this one.
i guess i’m too sensitive.
no i mean it I AM!
of course.
that’s more like it.
costume change. had to dress for casino-friendly/strip club friendly simultaneously as we were not coming back to the hotel. got some interesting insight from this evening. specifically in a “bringing a big mac to fat camp” type way when bringing someone who looks like me to a strip club. some sneers for sure (at RF not me, me i got pure love haha) BUT the girls will outright avoid you so no pushy lap sitters. such a great scene (all of it, everywhere) to be on mdma by. away from the city and any and all chance of claustrophobia, insecurity. anonymity can be great. looking into the falls pie-eyed is pretty amazing too.
had several outfit selections, settled on subtle french understated slutty. people look more in the burbs i find. in the city this outfit is like, nothing. speedwalking to the bathroom with your eyes shyly at the floor cos you know tables and tables of blackjack are gawking, well, i don’t know where i’m going with this. i’m a goddamn spectacle and i’m trying to get used to it. i have good posture and i walk with purpose, you notice me. i notice this happening and i guess being way too self aware to begin with, shy, plus high kinda puts it over the edge. this picture is awful though i hate my ear tucked out like that and i look tired as shit in the face.
everywhere i go my bags just explode all over the room.
can you imagine being blissed out high as crap at a slot machine with lights and music blasting all around you and then you win two hundred dollars. high on top of hilarious high.
thanks for the goose adil and for your friends thinking i looked like kate hudson in the magic pony video tour.
uh i think it’s working.
time to get out of this room. making fun of how i used to always photograph myself.
after sundownders and vice lounge we went to dj’s and they had freestyle hip hop nite with three guys standing around with mics and one little twerp with an 80’s hair metal guitar jammin’ away it was HILARIOUS and i danced a little grimey ghetto for them with that gold chain and leather jacket and heineken in my hand just a little bit. i’m a wigger’s delight that i am. the chicks were not feeling their territory being compromised. at the vice lounge i had a stripper complex with some of my dance moves where back home (toronto) it is outright encouraged to dance like a stripper, i feel, and totally acceptable. whereby, in the big N Falls, if a chick is dancing like a stripper in a bar, guess what, she’s a stripper.
the moon looked magnificent, and you could feel the air was getting warmer even by the falls it was such a bonus.
everything felt amazing. i took nothing for granted. i enjoyed myself immensely.
that’s the last picture i took for the evening. round two tomorrow.
speaking of, my little old birthday jam is tomorrow nite at THE CENTRAL 9.30PM. i have a blythe cake too that i haven’t seen yet it’s going to be a surprise reveal and all the girls are going to be dressed as slutty bunnies as it’s good friday (my idea! IDEA HOG MEMEME) and i’ll be dressed like one too so come dress up, dress down, dress slutty, go big you know me i love camp. it’s going to be dangerously fun. bring anyone you like, don’t be shy! we’re gonna go all night and we have the entire upstairs, with patios. it’s going to be amazingly warm too. directions here:
this is melodie’s chain what i borrowed. need to find my own.
uploading over a hundred pics right now and only from day one. will wheedle down to a more modest number. had suuuch a blast. red flag won over 200 bucks at the casino which essentially was free money anyway cos i was cashing out and he was set to just blow it all and leave to our next destination. man how i love cheesy touristy shit. you can only do that stuff if you’re in on the joke and not a depressed nuclear failure of a family bitching the whole way through. felt so free i swear, it was totally a good idea to ghost town it up mid-week. slide show with witty stupid captions comin’ right up. i got to wear shorts today and even got some colour. balls awesome!
today is going to be epic. friday too will be epic. i’mma tell you all about it tomorrow. basically get ready for a blackout drunkening and don’t expect to make any good use of what saturday’s gorgeous weather is going to have in store. your call though, miss a great night, or miss a great day? as if more fabulous weather isn’t on its way. it’s going to be a wicked summer.
my cousin leigh is going off to bali and china and she may not return. i was talkin’ to her ex who showed with a massive gash (from the nite before or before that?) on the bridge of his nose i was all like here man have a whiskey this is brutal, there’s your girl, my cousin, ugh awkward. anyway i was like what happened? someone was talkin’ shit, essentially, my memory is foggy and he capped it off with the quote of the evening, “i like to keep it scarborough, what can i say?” and thanks to sofi i learned that jane and finch is so not scarborough. I KNOW MY SHIT! leigh says i am doin’ the family proud what with my writing and other things, it was sweet to hear.
pretending to slave drive. oh clem, as if i listen to you.
this is how i look hung. obvious? don’t answer that.
start practicing your dirty dancing to this one. just tryin’ta gear you up!
cool pose! that thing fits way better now, it got shrunk. a size zero and no fucking way it’d fit ever again though, i likely wouldn’t have shrunk it then eh.
should i bring my laptop and blog from the hotel throughout tonite’s pisstankening?
the craziest rudest shit happened to me today. i’ll share the story another time though don’t want my spirits to be harshed i is be gwan’in rasta me k’yant be talkin’ nyaw popa-tranzin’ hahaha sorry there, sorry.
this room, when all the light goes through it i can actually feel the endorphins flood throughout my body and serotonin release in my brain, it is amazing, as a depressed person to actually notice it. i clomp up the stairs thinking about all the shit i have to do, open up the doors and then it all melts away ahhh.
and it stays like that for hours. purely a sunroom. every time melodie comes to hang in my opium den she sighs and says i’m so lucky and that she’s jealous. aw. the sunroom at cedar grove gave me vitamin D highs like nothing other as well, constant good feeling in this room is what i’m saying. the bed is so comfortable i think i’m getting rickets.
jesus seriously wept when i tried this on. puma wraps my tits in the most spry of ways i think asthma got cured for a second there.
off the shoulders is how this’ll be worn.
an unrelated quote from a chat i just had, spake by me of course: i go for crushingly devastatingly handsome types because i know it will end in fucking flames, knowing that it can and only will be temporary is a thrilling sadness.
tomorrow (today) i am off to the border. may hit a strip bar. casino. hotel. maybe i’ll pull out my tooth and wake up with a tiger in the bathroom.
